Yo, dad!
I know that you had to go when you went, and I still marvel at your courage to end what was a supremely long, loving and rewarding life. But what a hole your lack of presence has left in my heart…
Meghan and I were out scouring our old haunts for early Verpas last week—typically I found nothing and sharp-eyes found half a dozen just poking up. But the fragrance of honey buds was in the air!
While I was combing the leaf mold beneath the cottonwoods near Buckley, I thought about how great it would have been to have you with us—or even stuck by old age back home, when we would have brought them to you as an offering of Spring. In that time you were always so overjoyed to see and touch them, so enthusiast to hear our stories of the chase.
On the way back we stopped at the Tolt River site. Although a few honey buds had fallen, the cottonwood leaves weren’t yet as big “as a mouse’s ear.” As we walked along the river to our patch, I had visions of the so many times you and I had strolled that path with baskets in hand. We came with your great friends George Starkovich, Bob Reed, maybe even “H.V.,” although I remember that he and Marion claimed that eating Verpa’s upset their stomachs.
What has happened to that once-great area I do not know. We used to see the creamy white stalks poking up even along the path leading to our happy hunting grounds. Now it seems that they are confined to an ever-shrinking parcel on the edge of our large and once very productive spot. We used to come out the woods with baskets nearly full! In the past few years we have only returned with a few dozen.
By the way, I still have your essay that the P.I. published years ago about our Spring foraging there. Marvelous literature, as always. You seemed always to perceive the fleeting nature of life, and the supreme importance of capturing the best fragments in writing for posterity. I have many such poetic pieces transferred from your soul to the printed page. Everytime I read them I find inspiration that reminds me to enjoy life to the fullest, like you did, as well as profound desolation that you are now missing from my life.
At sixty-six, I am ready to follow you into the abyss whenever it calls. But I marvel at the unfolding and charming characters of your two grandchildren. Both have the remarkable and mysterious joie de vivre that was a hallmark of your life. I love them so much!
I have to confess that it’s the shits to be an atheist when someone who has been your life-long polestar goes away. If there were a heaven you’d have been transported there a millisecond after your heart stopped. But of course that’s fantasy. The world goes on spinning, burying the best that ever were and will, I think, ever be.
All my love forever and ever,
Marc