I was never terribly close to my sisters. We didn't spend a lot of time together, especially as we got older. But then I became a part of the Martin family, and I was able to see what an incredible thing a sister can be. The first time I met Lissa, she gave me a big hug and told me that she was so happy to meet me. She was so welcoming and friendly. After that, every time I saw her, I was greeted with nothing but love, acceptance, and of course, the most thoughtful gifts. Lissa showed me what it meant to be an older sister - caring, loving, thoughtful... and she showed me what true, unconditional love meant. I never worried that she was judging me. I never worried that she thought anything badly toward me. Every time I had the pleasure of spending time with her, I would laugh until my stomach muscles couldn't take it anymore. I worried about her more than I ever worried about my own sisters. I worried that she wouldn't find peace. I worried that she wouldn't find comfort. And I wanted those things for her so badly. I admired her - I admired her strength. I admired her incredible giving nature. I looked up to her like she had always been my big sis.
I thought we'd have more time. I thought that things would continue as they were. Losing Lissa rocked my world more than I ever thought possible. I didn't lose a sister-in-law. I lost a true sister. My life is forever altered because I had the privilege of having Lissa in my life. I miss laughing with her. I miss worrying about her. I miss her hilarious, off the wall comments and her quick wit. I miss her text messages. I miss hearing her call me "sweetie" and "hun." I miss my sister.
I finally truly understand the meaning of the phrase, "life isn't fair." It's not fair. This is a pain that will never go away, and I know that, and one day I will be okay with that. My only solace comes from knowing that dear, sweet Lissa is finally at peace.