Hey mom sup hru doing I miss u so much right now mi heart is hurting so bad I don't know wat to do I feel so alone n unloved and now KP is mad at me for sum thing I have no control over mi moods are bad right now I feel like giving up on everything u worked so hard to teach me to deal with everything one step at times I can't do it anymore I nd u here right now ur da only one dat can help me n show me wat am doing wrong dat nobody wan to be around me I try to do everything da right way and still get fucked n da process.... I just miss god would have took me da same day he took u from cos I don't want to be here anymore I don't understand y am still here I hate it here I just want to be wit u mom dat away ik u will love me for me n who am right now like u always did... Mom u ever feel so alone dat u have no feelings anymore dat u miss u was never brought n dis world cos I do God has taken everything from me and idk y can u find out if he's punishing me for sum thing I did cos first he took JoJo, Demetra , Aunti Jean, Uncle Wayne, Chris, Nana, Kendall, Uncle Bill, Lance, Big Mama, Cabeza, Maurice, Aunti Faye, Aunti Nadine, Shelly who's next n mi life to leave me n never come back cos I don't know if I can take another death n mi family again... Am so tired of being here I just want dis pain to go away n not come back if I wouldn't had made dat promise to KP a long time ago I would have been took mi life cos right now I don't even know y am still here and yes mom I still remember u telling me dat God keeps ppl on dis earth for a reason well plz tell me y am here cos so far I have done nothing but fuck up shit to da point I feel like taking mi life most of da time and it crosses mi mind damn near every day mom it really do and I have never broken a promise before but mi thoughts are getting to me bad... Hey mom do u think KP would ever forgive me if I broke mi promise to him i know he would be mad at me but dats not da first time anyways so I really don't think it would matter anyways if i did or not i barely see ppl anyways....
Mom plz don't get mad at me dis is just how I feel right now an u said to write mi thoughts / feelings down instead of keeping em n side of me an dats wat am doing right now ik its been awhile since I wrote anything down on paper ur death hurt me so bad to da point i was so angry at God for taking u from me I really didn't care if i died right then n there i just know i wan u back an dis pain to go away an I really don't think its ever going to leave mi side....I have failed u as a mother mi own kids don't want to be bothered with me anymore and I understand y and a fuck up wit a lot of problems I can't even lov mi self let alone love mi kids da way they nd to be God hurry up n take me away.... I love u mom