I have struggled to write this for you Marlene. Hearing that you passed was one of the saddest days of my life. I sat alone most of that day in a duck blind. It was the best I could do at the time. I have been reflecting over these past months on who you were in my life, and was certain that I would write this, but not until I could celebrate your life, rather than just mourn. You would have told me to take as long as I needed, but not wait TOO LONG!! You were always saying things like that to me.
I can celebrate you today. I can honestly say, that you are one of the most selfless people I have ever met. You literally took me off of the street. I was so burdened by insecurity and mistrust when you found me that I am still surprised today that I was unsuccessful at scaring you off. When we first met, I was 16 years old, homeless, and so angry that my reactions were scary even to me. I can not be certain what you saw in me at that time, but I am certain that you must have ignored everything else except for the fact that I was a 16 year old boy in trouble. You opened your home to me. You fed me.......I still snicker to myself today when someone says they are starving. You clothed me......because John's clothes sorta fit. You gave me a place to sleep.........I remember clearly, shaking the chemicals out of my body with my head on your lap. You loved me.........In spite of multiple attempts to convince you of how un lovable I was, there you were, heart wide open. I remember over the years that we were very close how skeptical I was of your love for me. I used to dread our talks!! I was always so afraid that you would find out who I was and throw me out of your life. You were so persistent, always wanting me to risk more. I Remember the morning I told you all there was to know about Will. I was angry at the end of our talk, even raising my voice to you. I was preparing for the inevitable rejection, but you told me that I was hurting, not angry, and that I should tell the truth about what I was feeling. That was the most vulnerable I had ever been in my whole life, and some how you managed to support me and get on my case all at the same time. I still marvel at that(you did it over and over). Our relationship was not typical. Some days you were a mother, some days you were a sister, some days you were a counselor, and all days you were a friend. I am sure there is a case study somewhere that says our relationship crossed some professional boundary for a psychologist, but the author of that study can BITE ME (I know that would make you smile), because you saved my life.
You taught me that the word love is just a word, but that the action of love can change the world. Your love certainly changed me.
I will miss our chats on facebook. I did love catching up with you every couple of months. I especially loved when you told me how proud you were of the man I had become. Perhaps, because you knew me so completely, it meant so much more to me. I am sad, you taught me how to be that, but I can also celebrate, because I know that I am only one example of the investment that you made in human beings. You are gone, but your love will echo through time as those of us that have been fortunate enough to have been touched by you, pay it forward.
Love always - Willi