Our mother was first diagnosed at 42 years old, after our brother Sean was born (now 15yrs old).  She had a mastectomy in 1998 and did several rounds Chemo and radiation and all the side effects that came with that, which sometimes proved to be worse.  She was so sick and lost so much weight we thought we didn’t have long with her back then but God blesses us with almost 15 more years.  Our baby bother Sean truly kept our mom fighting because she always said she never wanted him to grow up without his mom.  So for 11 years she fought until her reoccurrence in 2009.  When we were told she didn’t have pneumonia as we thought, she was in Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer, our world just crumbled.  We took her to every appointment, doctor, scan, x-ray, treatment, radiation and or Chemo for over four years.  There was nothing we wouldn’t do to make sure she had the best care out there.  We were our moms biggest advocate and fought so many battles to ensure she was getting everything she needed, even in her last days, we still didn’t give up.  Every Doctor knew who we were when we walked in and knew we were not the family to mess with, because as mom would say somehow we always got it and done for her so she trusted us with everything.  

Since she was Stage 4, the Drs told us that the treatments they give her would never cure or put her back to remission, but it would just slow down the spread to prolong her life as long as possible.  With every medicine or treatment regimen we switched to, our mom seem to suffer from the rarest side effects that we struggled to manage for her.  The pain was unbearable for most of them, especially her Osteonecrosis of the Jaw that she got from her Denocemaub/Zometa medications, which are bone strengtheners that were recommended to maintain her healthy bone since the cancer spread to her hip bones, shoulders, spine and parts of both legs, which was also painful and made it difficult for mom to get around like she used to.  The Osteonecrosis was extremely painful also and more than one specialist who saw our mom said it was the worst case of it they had ever seen but there was nothing they could do to maintain the pain. Mom would say the pain meds didn’t even touch the pain.  All her bones were through her gums the last year of her life. She could barely eat and had so much difficulty swallowing her food because she was unable to chew it. Her whole head, ears, eyes and jaw would just hurt so bad she would just cry and take something to go back to sleep because there was nothing she could do or take to alleviate the pain.   She would use latacane mouth wash to numb her mouth just long enough to get food down.  It was pure torture watching this because slowly the things we always did, like walking up steps,  go out to lunch after the doctors or treatment, we could no longer do because she would not only be so winded just walking to and from the car, she would choke on her food.  I know it was just as hard and scary for her to accept and deal with all the things her body could just not do anymore. 

In addition to the Osteonecrosis of the jaw, mom had frequent thorocentesis’s done to drain fluid from her lung every few months, which eventually turned into weekly, then 2-3 times a week depending on how her body would respond to her treatment regimen.  If the fluid increased with each drain, it was time to switch her treatment type again.  This was a roller coaster for mom, so she decided to have the procedure to add a pleurx catheter in her left side/lung.  The homecare nurse trained us how to care for it and how to drain her.  For almost 2 years we drained her as she would feel the tightness in her chest which made it difficult to breath.  Learning how to drain her was the best decision we ever made because this saved our moms so many trips to the hospital and mom was very grateful for that.

After the first 3 years of trying to manage all those issues, we could see mom getting tired and deteriorating more and more, by the 2012 holidays we knew it could possibly be the last ones with her so we made it very special.  Mom started to get more sick than usual after each Chemo treatments so she decided to take a couple weeks off.  She felt good and felt awake, our cousins took her too Atlantic City for her sister’s birthday, we had a nice Easter dinner and she enjoyed all her kids and grandkids.  Only 2 short weeks later we were told mom had 6 months as she was not responding to Chemo like she was, so instead of switching to try another treatment, mom decided not to continue treatment and as much as it broke our hearts we supported her decision because she said she felt more alive off of it but never thinking we were as close to the end of her life as we were.

Only a few short weeks later, the doctor told my sister and I she had about 6 months and that Chemo at that point would more than likely not extend her life much longer.  That night we drove to mom’s house and sat her down in her kitchen to tell her the news because she made us promise we would always be honest with her and share anything when it came to her health.  The drive there felt like the longest drive of our life.  We sat our mom down and told her the news, I remember how heavy our hearts were when she cried and said it couldn’t be true.  All I could think was how do we squeeze the lifetime of memories we should have had with our mom in only 6 month.  It just felt like a dream, and such overwhelmingly feeling of helplessness and sadness because we knew there was nothing we could do for her to change that… but we tried to spend as much time together as a family as we could.   That Sunday we had family portraits taken and had what turned out to be our last family Sunday dinner,  mom ate so much spaghetti and meatballs somehow... I still remember.

Not even a week later, she took a turn for the worst and started hospice care.  We thought it was best to take care of her all together and to make sure Sean had the support system he needed so we made the decision to pack some of her belongings and move our mom to my sister’s house in New Jersey and that is where we took care of her the last few weeks of her life.  She fought for 3 more weeks.  Those three weeks we learned so much more about our mom...there was nothing left unsaid, there more hugs tears and love around her than ever before.  She made us laugh, cry, sad, and even angry at times so taking care of her was heartbreaking and emotionally draining for all us.  To see our mom go from running around to having her being completely helpless and not even able to walk or go to the bathroom, or even shower was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do but we wouldn’t have had it any other way.  We took care of her until her last breath on May 18th.

Our mom was a very special person.  She was only 57 when she passed and it was obvious those three weeks she had a hard time letting go, she said over and over she wasn’t ready to leave us, especially Sean, and the two grandbabies that were on their way....I know she felt she had so much here to live for and so many things she still wanted to do.  She adored her grandkids when we would visit her and it was the only thing that cheered her up at times. So knowing she was struggling letting go of us was the hardest part of it all for us because all we could do was keep her comfortable and pray with and for her to find peace with it all even though we felt every emotion that our mom had to suffer this way.

Always willing to help someone even if she was the one who needed it and since her passing we have heard so many heartwarming stories of how our mom changed people’s lives.  Life is just not the same without her here; every day is a struggle for us.  She loved to dance every chance she got, and those that knew her knew no matter how much pain she was in she would dance, even in her final days.  She loved to have fun and that’s how we all will remember her.  She fought such a courageous battle for almost 4 years. The strength and courage she showed taught us all so much about life, our faith, and at the end of the day what’s really important.  Our family was never perfect but there was never a doubt in our mind that she loved us and did the best she knew how to take care of us our whole life and all we could do was take care of her the best we knew how at the end of hers.  We are lost without her but I know she will always be with us, watching over us raise our babies and especially our little brother Sean.

Our mother’s services were beautiful and now our main goal now is to pay off all the funeral expenses and have something put away for our 15 year old brother Sean as we get him adjusted to his new life without our mom.

Our mother was first diagnosed at 42 years old, after our brother Sean was born (now 15yrs old).  She had a mastectomy in 1998 and did several rounds Chemo and radiation and all the side effects that came with that, which sometimes proved to be worse.  She was so sick and lost so much weight we thought we didn’t have long with her back then but God blesses us with almost 15 more years.  Our baby bother Sean truly kept our mom fighting because she always said she never wanted him to grow up without his mom.  So for 11 years she fought until her reoccurrence in 2009.  When we were told she didn’t have pneumonia as we thought, she was in Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer, our world just crumbled.  We took her to every appointment, doctor, scan, x-ray, treatment, radiation and or Chemo for over four years.  There was nothing we wouldn’t do to make sure she had the best care out there.  We were our moms biggest advocate and fought so many battles to ensure she was getting everything she needed, even in her last days, we still didn’t give up.  Every Doctor knew who we were when we walked in and knew we were not the family to mess with, because as mom would say somehow we always got it and done for her so she trusted us with everything.  

Since she was Stage 4, the Drs told us that the treatments they give her would never cure or put her back to remission, but it would just slow down the spread to prolong her life as long as possible.  With every medicine or treatment regimen we switched to, our mom seem to suffer from the rarest side effects that we struggled to manage for her.  The pain was unbearable for most of them, especially her Osteonecrosis of the Jaw that she got from her Denocemaub/Zometa medications, which are bone strengtheners that were recommended to maintain her healthy bone since the cancer spread to her hip bones, shoulders, spine and parts of both legs, which was also painful and made it difficult for mom to get around like she used to.  The Osteonecrosis was extremely painful also and more than one specialist who saw our mom said it was the worst case of it they had ever seen but there was nothing they could do to maintain the pain. Mom would say the pain meds didn’t even touch the pain.  All her bones were through her gums the last year of her life. She could barely eat and had so much difficulty swallowing her food because she was unable to chew it. Her whole head, ears, eyes and jaw would just hurt so bad she would just cry and take something to go back to sleep because there was nothing she could do or take to alleviate the pain.   She would use latacane mouth wash to numb her mouth just long enough to get food down.  It was pure torture watching this because slowly the things we always did, like walking up steps,  go out to lunch after the doctors or treatment, we could no longer do because she would not only be so winded just walking to and from the car, she would choke on her food.  I know it was just as hard and scary for her to accept and deal with all the things her body could just not do anymore. 

In addition to the Osteonecrosis of the jaw, mom had frequent thorocentesis’s done to drain fluid from her lung every few months, which eventually turned into weekly, then 2-3 times a week depending on how her body would respond to her treatment regimen.  If the fluid increased with each drain, it was time to switch her treatment type again.  This was a roller coaster for mom, so she decided to have the procedure to add a pleurx catheter in her left side/lung.  The homecare nurse trained us how to care for it and how to drain her.  For almost 2 years we drained her as she would feel the tightness in her chest which made it difficult to breath.  Learning how to drain her was the best decision we ever made because this saved our moms so many trips to the hospital and mom was very grateful for that.

After the first 3 years of trying to manage all those issues, we could see mom getting tired and deteriorating more and more, by the 2012 holidays we knew it could possibly be the last ones with her so we made it very special.  Mom started to get more sick than usual after each Chemo treatments so she decided to take a couple weeks off.  She felt good and felt awake, our cousins took her too Atlantic City for her sister’s birthday, we had a nice Easter dinner and she enjoyed all her kids and grandkids.  Only 2 short weeks later we were told mom had 6 months as she was not responding to Chemo like she was, so instead of switching to try another treatment, mom decided not to continue treatment and as much as it broke our hearts we supported her decision because she said she felt more alive off of it but never thinking we were as close to the end of her life as we were.

Only a few short weeks later, the doctor told my sister and I she had about 6 months and that Chemo at that point would more than likely not extend her life much longer.  That night we drove to mom’s house and sat her down in her kitchen to tell her the news because she made us promise we would always be honest with her and share anything when it came to her health.  The drive there felt like the longest drive of our life.  We sat our mom down and told her the news, I remember how heavy our hearts were when she cried and said it couldn’t be true.  All I could think was how do we squeeze the lifetime of memories we should have had with our mom in only 6 month.  It just felt like a dream, and such overwhelmingly feeling of helplessness and sadness because we knew there was nothing we could do for her to change that… but we tried to spend as much time together as a family as we could.   That Sunday we had family portraits taken and had what turned out to be our last family Sunday dinner,  mom ate so much spaghetti and meatballs somehow... I still remember.

Not even a week later, she took a turn for the worst and started hospice care.  We thought it was best to take care of her all together and to make sure Sean had the support system he needed so we made the decision to pack some of her belongings and move our mom to my sister’s house in New Jersey and that is where we took care of her the last few weeks of her life.  She fought for 3 more weeks.  Those three weeks we learned so much more about our mom...there was nothing left unsaid, there more hugs tears and love around her than ever before.  She made us laugh, cry, sad, and even angry at times so taking care of her was heartbreaking and emotionally draining for all us.  To see our mom go from running around to having her being completely helpless and not even able to walk or go to the bathroom, or even shower was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do but we wouldn’t have had it any other way.  We took care of her until her last breath on May 18th.

Our mom was a very special person.  She was only 57 when she passed and it was obvious those three weeks she had a hard time letting go, she said over and over she wasn’t ready to leave us, especially Sean, and the two grandbabies that were on their way....I know she felt she had so much here to live for and so many things she still wanted to do.  She adored her grandkids when we would visit her and it was the only thing that cheered her up at times. So knowing she was struggling letting go of us was the hardest part of it all for us because all we could do was keep her comfortable and pray with and for her to find peace with it all even though we felt every emotion that our mom had to suffer this way.

Always willing to help someone even if she was the one who needed it and since her passing we have heard so many heartwarming stories of how our mom changed people’s lives.  Life is just not the same without her here; every day is a struggle for us.  She loved to dance every chance she got, and those that knew her knew no matter how much pain she was in she would dance, even in her final days.  She loved to have fun and that’s how we all will remember her.  She fought such a courageous battle for almost 4 years. The strength and courage she showed taught us all so much about life, our faith, and at the end of the day what’s really important.  Our family was never perfect but there was never a doubt in our mind that she loved us and did the best she knew how to take care of us our whole life and all we could do was take care of her the best we knew how at the end of hers.  We are lost without her but I know she will always be with us, watching over us raise our babies and especially our little brother Sean.

Our mother’s services were beautiful and now our main goal now is to pay off all the funeral expenses and have something put away for our 15 year old brother Sean as we get him adjusted to his new life without our mom.