Let the memory of Mathew be with us forever
  • 25 years old
  • Born on June 2, 1987 .
  • Passed away on October 30, 2012 .
This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Mathew Sheppard, 25, born on June 2, 1987 and passed away on October 30, 2012. We will remember him forever.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 5th November 2018
Dear Mathew~ I sit here staring at the screen trying to decide what to write because words have become such a struggle. There aren't any left. The few that are all the same ones. Missing, missing, missing... wishing that everything was different. Wondering what would have, could have, should have been. Same old same old. I know you were with us on your day. The dolphins and kingfisher first thing in the morning. The signs all day. I'm sorry we kept crying. We just can't get past losing you. We shared a few stories, but not many. We don't anymore. We drank the whole bottle of Milagro like we always do. Those who remain close drank with us. I was a horrible crank when I wasn't crying. It was even harder this year now that Jack is gone. It seems like only your dad and I are left. Chris is no more. I think maybe one more year in the restaurant then we will let it go. Try to do something different. I don't know. We still flounder. Still try to figure things out. But there are no answers. Only the days that continue to come ... continue to be empty and hollow. Life goes on. The world goes on. We watch. We don't go with it. I still think about you every minute of every day. I don't think that will ever change. But then maybe I don't want it to. I don't know. My still go to answer. I don't know or I can't decide. The one thing that remains the same, remains eternal is how much I love you. Always...
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 2nd October 2018
October. Worst month of the year. If there can be such a thing. I miss you so much. So does Dad.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 24th September 2018
Dear Mathew ~ Feels like forever since I wrote you. But then I feel like you know everything and there is nothing to write. My whole world has become 87 Main. I don't know anything else anymore. I'm there so much. So is Dad. So are you. People love the place. They always talk about the vibe. They don't know the vibe is you. Always you. Very rarely will I tell them. For a variety of reasons which I'm not sure I even understand, I don't tell them. I simply let them enjoy being there; feeling the positive energy which is you. I love you. Always.
Posted by Linda Jones on 2nd June 2018
In our thoughts Mathew on this your birthday. Just happy memories of days gone by.... Your life was a blessing Your memory A treasure You are loved beyond words Missed beyond measure xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 9th April 2018
I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill I threw the day old tea from the cup Packed up the photo album Mathew had made Memories of a life that's been loved Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals Poured the old ginger beer down the sink Dad always told me, "don't you cry when you're down" But Mat, there's a tear every time that I blink Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved So I'll sing Hallelujah You were an angel in the shape of my Mat When you fell down I'd be there holding you up Spread your wings as you go And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah You're home I fluffed the pillows, made the bed, stacked the chairs up Folded your clothes neatly in a case Greg says… he'd drive then put his hand on my cheek And wiped a tear from the side of my face I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know A life with love is a life that's been lived So I'll sing Hallelujah You were an angel in the shape of my Mat When you fell down I'd be there holding you up Spread your wings as you go And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah You're home Hallelujah You were an angel in the shape of my Mat I got to see the person that you had become Spread your wing And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah You're home
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 1st December 2017
Dear Mathew… Tonight I was driving to the doctor, first time I have voluntarily found a doctor let alone follow through in years. But I did it and as I was rushing there, late as usual, the song “Perfect” started to play. I like that song. I like the words. But as he got to the part about “being between my arms” I got a crystal clear vision. It was you and Tash and you were at your wedding. This song was playing and it was your special dance. You were so handsome in your suit. But I hardly noticed that. All I could see was you smiling down at her with that open adoration in your eyes that you always had when you looked at her. Tash was exquisite in a long sleeve, beautifully laced, white gown. Her hair had beautiful French braids down the side into a gorgeous chignon in the back. She was looking up at you and the love on her face was overwhelming. You spoke to her, she laughed and shook her head. You continued to dance. As the vision played out the most overwhelming sadness hit me because I realized, again, that this was a vision of all that was lost. This beautiful moment that should have been, will never be. Never. And I think that was, is, will always be why I cannot ever be me again. Why the happiness that I always sought as a child, finally found with this family, cruelly left with you. And there you have it. I didn’t just bury you. I buried me too. I went with you. As much of me possibly could and as far as the universe would allow it, I went with you. Everything in me that was good, hopeful, driven, lovable… went with you. There is only a shell left. A shell with memories of what was… what should have been… and what will now never be. I think of Tash all the time. I hope she is okay. I hope that she has reclaimed her life. That she has found a way to push forward, to find her footing, to take back her joy. I hope she knows that I will always be here for her and that I would do anything if she ever needed it. …and so it goes. I love you. Always…
Posted by Mary Clarke on 1st November 2017
I think of you every day, Mathew. I think of you every time I see a police officer too. You are missed by everyone that knew you and loved you. I keep your parents and you and your family in my prayers every day. There are no words. But there is love.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 31st October 2017
I'm forever sorry Mathew. You deserved more than I was ever capable of giving. You deserved so much and I fell so short. How can that be when I tried so hard? Yet it is what it is... I do not know what I'm doing anymore. Each day is more empty than the last... five long years.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 31st August 2017
Well he did it. Made it all the way to the academy. The path you began with him so long ago. I know this is what you wanted. Yesterday in your honor, your memory, we paid his expenses. Uniforms, books, everything he needed. He wanted to pay us back but we know you would have wanted us to do this. He thinks its a lot of money but it is nothing. Not to us. Your memory, knowing you were a huge part of this life, this dream, that is what matters, what counts. Not the money. If you were here, you would have done it. I wish you were here. Wish you were still with him. I know you will guide him as you always have. Watch over him Mathew. Keep him safe. I love you. Yesterday was hard. I missed you more than usual. The bar is still a screaming success. Not because of me. Because of you. It is your bar. Last night there were so many orbs in the bar. Flying with the music. You could see them. They were beautiful...I want to believe you were one of them.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th June 2017
Well I've tried everything. A slew of doctors for my health. Built a restaurant/bar for the empty void. Exchange students for the quiet in the house. Met more people than I can even remember. None of it works. I miss you. I will always miss you. It drives everything. There is no relief, no escape. I will love you forever so I will miss you forever and nothing will lift this fog. Almost five years and I realize this now. Nothing. It is so damn permanent. I wish you were here. That's all. Just you.
Posted by Mary Clarke on 5th June 2017
I think of you every day. Some of my favorite memories of you are about how much you loved your family's animals. You loved all your Scotties, the ferrets, the fish, the frogs (Bella and Herman!), Paco and Kane. Your mom and dad have so many stories of you and your funny and loving antics with the many pets over the years. Cherished memories. In honor of your 30th birthday in heaven, I wanted to do something to help animals, so it was done tonight. It took me a few days to look up information to make sure it would go to the right organization since I wanted to make sure that they would help animals in a way that you would want to help them. Hugs to you, Mat. You are missed and are forever in our hearts, thoughts and prayers.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 4th June 2017
Dear Mathew...look at the date. So late I am. But not really...I tried on the 30th, again on the 2nd. So much to say but no words come to mind. I want to believe you know. Know that every day I still fight...fight to get through, get by, get over... Sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting ... I love you, always.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th April 2017
Took the kids to the zoo today. Saw the flamingos. I remember how much you liked those marching flamingos in Nassau. I would say it made me think of you but I never not think of you so that wouldn't be quite right. I know I shouldn't ask this of you, but could you send me one of your messages? It would really help. I love you. Always. Still.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th March 2017
Hey Sweetie... still MISSING you, forever and ever. I know you are with me, with us. We all see your numbers, hear the songs you send us. I think its neat the way the others see you and they never met you. They talk about you, share you... Still the sadness remains. I make your margarita, people love it. Makes me feel a little closer to you. But in spite of the success, I still remain sad. The feeling never leaves, always right there below the surface. Kane goes with me more and more now that he is designated a service dog. He loves the Main. I wonder if he knows it exists because of you? I wonder what he knows. He has been so lonely since Grant died. We both miss that little dog like crazy. Its amazing how much we loved him. Brought everything back, saying goodbye to him. I hope that Grant is with you, that you are taking care of him. I'm glad he is no longer in pain but selfishly, I wish he was still here. But I wish you were still here. More than you realize. Or maybe you do. Maybe you know everything from where you are. I still try to reach your brother but that goes nowhere. I don't know how he is, if he is still okay. But so it goes... I love you Mathew. Always. I miss you. Always, I hung your patch in the bar. I look at it over and over everyday and think of you. I think you would have liked this place. But it probably would not have existed if you were still here. I was meant to be a mother, a grandmother. I was never meant to own a bar. This is someone else's life, not mine. But I live it. Reluctantly, I live it. What else can I do? I love you...
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 2nd January 2017
Dear Mathew...another Christmas has come and gone without you. They get lonelier and lonelier each year. And always my thoughts are on you. I was wrapping presents this year when I remembered how you would wrap your dad's present. So much layer of tape and glue it was ridiculous. And then watching your dad get frustrated as he tried to open them and you would just laugh. That crazy laugh that always made me smile. The memories come gentle to me now, not like before when they were so painful. But they are so amazingly sad that carrying them has become so hard because it feels like I'm carrying a million pounds. I love you. And I remain so very sorry that you didn't get a better mother. You deserved a better mother. I hate this life.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 24th November 2016
Danksagung. Ein anderer ohne dich. Noch so leer. Die Welt ist leer. Vier Jahre und nichts hat sich geändert. Ich kann immer noch nicht atmen. Ich weine noch jeden Tag. Ich warte immer noch aufzuwachen. Das ist mein einziger Wunsch, aufzuwachen. Ich liebe dich. Kann nicht helfen, dass ein Teil. Aber ich tue.
Posted by Mary Clarke on 30th October 2016
Thinking of you today, Mat. I carry your memorial card in my wallet. I have another one on our frig along with the memorial cards for my brother and grandmother. The memorial cards are there as a tradition for those we love, but are not needed to remember good times shared together with our families. Those memories are etched in my heart. I think of you every day. You are missed. You are loved. God bless.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th October 2016
Today I found your horn. The one from the game so long ago. You, Ben, the team, the metro. Stealing poster ads from the train walls. That guy who was so angry... we were right there, remember? We were always right there. We are right there now. Four years ago at 6:18 pm the whole world stopped spinning. It has never started back up. I am, and always will be, your mom. With all which this means.
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th September 2016
And though you've walked through Heaven's door We're never far apart....... For every time I think of you, You're right here In my heart...... Loved and missed xxxxx
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th August 2016
Thought of you today Mat But that is nothing new Thought about you yesterday And the day before that to Always in our thoughts forever in our hearts...... We love and miss you Mathew xxxx
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th June 2016
Did the sun shine a little brighter Was the sky a deeper blue Or was it just a better world, Mathew When we shared our lives with you. Today tomorrow forever loved and missed Xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 3rd June 2016
There were balloons that lit up the night... lanterns that shone so bright. Sparklers to light the way, dolphins that swam and played. True friends stood by my side, when all I did was cry. Another year that's come and gone. Just a memory now in my heart lives on. Happy Birthday my Mathew...
Posted by Mary Clarke on 2nd June 2016
I think of you everyday, and today, with it being your birthday Mathew. I always remember you with a smile as bright as the sun. You made us laugh so many times over the years when we lived near each other and our families spent so many times together. We all cherish those memories. We miss you and we always remember you with love. God bless. You are missed more than words can say by so many who love you.
Posted by Linda Jones on 2nd June 2016
Another birthday has come around And there is nothing I can do But sit for a while and picture your smile Just like I always do. Miss your smile Mathew Loved and missed Xoxoxoxo
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th May 2016
Thoughts go back of happy days When we were all together Loved and missed so much Mathew Xoxoxoxo
Posted by Linda Jones on 1st May 2016
You are Forever in my heart Forever in my life Forever with me Though far from my sight You are Forever. Love and miss you Mathew
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 15th April 2016
Hello Mathew... another day, right? Today I am saving horses. What do you think? Horses. I couldn't save you so I'm saving horses. What do you suppose I will try and save next? I couldn't save you. I can't same me. So maybe I should try whales... or Panda Bears. I can't do this yet somehow I do. Somehow I keep walking forward when I know there is no reason to continue to walk forward. For all that I love, loved, desired, is behind me. My world is rubble, all my dreams are ashes that shift in the gentle breeze. How do I keep doing this? I don't. I gave up a long time ago and you know the really amazing part... nobody even noticed. I stopped functioning and I didn't make anybody's radar. It's only a matter of time now you see. For I am not wanted here, nor needed. I'm just clocking time. I search for something that will give my life meaning, have value. But there is nothing. Only this great, vast, void that stretches out forever into nothingness. ... and that sums it up. nothingness... I'm being absorbed, swallowed into nothingness.I don't care anymore. There is nothing to care for anymore.
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th March 2016
Those we love remain with us for love itself lives on Cherished memories never fade because one loved is gone Those we love can never be more than a thought apart For as long as there is a memory they live on in our heart. Love and miss you Mathew xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 16th March 2016
I Was Here By Beyoncé Knowles I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time Know there was something that, meant something that I left behind When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets Leave something to remember, so they won't forget I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here I want to say I lived each day, until I died I know that I meant something in, somebody's life The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave That I made a difference, and this world will see I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I've done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here I just want them to know That I gave my all, did my best Brought someone to happiness Left this world a little better just because I was here I was here I lived, I loved I was here I did, I'm done, everything that I wanted And it was more than I thought it would be I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here I lived, I was here I did, I was here I lived, I was here I did, I've done, I was here
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th January 2016
Gates of memories will never close How much we miss you no one knows Days will pass away into years And we'll think about those memories with silent tears... Love and miss you Mathew xxxx
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th December 2015
You were missed Mathew, you are and always will be forever in our hearts Love you Mathew, miss you Mathew.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th December 2015
I sit here, another Christmas come and gone without you. The day came and went and not one person shared a mention, a memory, an anecdote, a thought of you. But I remembered, your father remembered, and I know every member of the Jones family remembered. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be; I'm sure I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I miss you more and more everyday. I don't know how to make it better. I try but the missing grows. I love you. Always and forever ...
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th November 2015
I still think of you every minute... I still listen for your footsteps... I still listen for your laugh... I still listen for your voice... I still listen for your one liners... I still listen for your teasing... I still look for your smile... I still look for the blue of your eyes... I still look for your laundry in the dryer... I still look for your dishes in the sink... I still look for your cruiser in the driveway... I still look for the mess in what was your room... I still wonder when you will be home... I still catch myself wanting to tell you something... I still grab your favorite food in the store... I still hear myself making fun of your television shows... I still see you in your favorite chair... I still see you playing with Kane... I still want to meet you for a drink... I still wonder about his day... I still think about your plans... I still plan on you at holidays... I still remember your favorite catch phrases... I still think about your humor... I still wait for your hugs... I still hear my voice telling you to stay safe... I still hear myself telling you I love him... I still hear myself telling you I'm sorry, so very, very sorry.
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th November 2015
It doesn't take a certain day To bring you to my mind For days without you Mathew Are very hard to find. Love and miss you xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th October 2015
Goodbye my beloved Mathew For now it’s time to part Goodbye my beloved Mathew You’re always in my heart I think of you in the morning I think of you at night I think of you in the darkness And with the morning’s light Goodbye my beloved Mathew I pray that you are safe Goodbye my beloved Mathew I know you are in a good place Still, my world is empty For you were its shining light I try so hard to be happy I’m afraid I’ve lost that fight Goodbye my beloved Mathew I’ll never let you go Goodbye my beloved Mathew Although you wished it so I pray that you are happy Where ever you may be I wait in quiet silence Till the day I’ll be with thee… Three years today...
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th October 2015
A face we love is missing a voice we know is still a place is vacant in our heart that only you could fill. Tears in our eyes they won't go away We wish you were here with us today. Missing you Mathew, today tomorrow always.... xxxx
Posted by Mary Clarke on 27th October 2015
Thinking of you, Mathew. Remembering the good times our families spent together over the years. The memories will always be treasured and never forgotten. We laugh at times remembering the funny things, like being on the paddle boats and then into the water at Lake Lunga, and you coming out soaking wet and laughing with everyone on shore. We cry. Sometimes we raise a glass to you, with a nice margarita. We always remember your laugh and your wonderful smile. You are missed.
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th August 2015
To us Mathew was someone special Someone set apart His memory will live forever Engraved within our hearts... xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th July 2015
Thank you Mathew for all the precious times and wonderful adventures; the moments which can never be recaptured or replaced. You are my son and I will miss you every minute of every day for the rest of my life as I continue to grieve for all that was and all that will never be. I love you... always.
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th July 2015
Although Mathew is out of sight He is never out of mind For he is cherished in the hearts Of the ones he left behind Love and miss you xxxx
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th June 2015
The butterfly reminds us, even though we are far apart Your spirit is always with us Forever in our hearts. Love and miss you. xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 30th June 2015
I can't do this anymore.
Posted by Katy Hafza on 3rd June 2015
Happy birthday Mat. Thinking of you and your family. You have a Wonderful mother that loves you very much. Xo
Posted by Linda Jones on 2nd June 2015
Thinking of you on your Birthday With sadness in our hearts For a very special someone From whom we had to part... Loved and missed so much. xxxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 2nd June 2015
Happy Birthday Mathew. If I could rewind time I would rewind it to this very spot... twenty eight years ago. Then we could begin again... Always with love...
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th May 2015
The mind replays what the heart can not delete.... Love and miss you Mathew xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 25th May 2015
87 204 gone forever nevermore always here never forgotten many tears always dropping will it get better? will it end? will this soul... ever mend? I do not know... I cannot say... I only know you went away... and here without you... here I stay.. broken forever... I've lost my way.
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 25th May 2015
Your birthday is coming. In a few short days your birthday will be here. You would have been 28. Why aren't you here? You belong here... not where you are. I'm trying so hard... but it gets tougher every day. More time without you. I just want to hear you laugh, one of your hilarious comments... I want you laundry left in my dryer, your clothes on the dining room table. I want your half eaten plates of food in the living room, your drinks on the counter. I want your car in the driveway, your stuff all over the house. But most of all... I want you. More than ever... I want you. How could this have happened? How could I have lost you? Why did you go?
Posted by Linda Jones on 30th April 2015
Your gentle face and glorious smile With sadness we recall You had a loving heart and were beloved by all.... Missing you Mathew xxxx
Posted by J.marie Sheppard on 16th April 2015
My dearest Mathew~ Well this is a first. I’ve never written to you before. But you see its been really hard lately. I think you know this. I’ve been living in the past. Even before you. I’ve been listening to the music from my teens. I remember how I felt when I was so young. All my hopes and dreams. You were one of them. I didn’t know it but you were. I just never knew it would end so badly for us. The other day I heard a song that I had not heard in years. It is originally written for two who are in love. By changing one word to your name, it summed up everything I feel these days. I just miss you so much. I never knew I could have emotions this strong. But I do. So, its hard. Really hard. STILL The Commodores (Lionel Richie) Lady (Mathew), Morning's just a moment away And I'm without you once again You laughed at me You said you didn't needed me I wonder if you need me now So many dreams that flew away So many words we didn't say Two people lost in a storm Where did we go? Where'd we go? We lost what we both had found You know we let each other down But then most of all I Do Love You Still! We played the games that people play We made our mistakes along the way Somehow I know deep in my heart You needed me 'Cause I needed you so desperatly! We were too blind to see But then most of all I Do Love You Still! Always and forever, Your mom…

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