Growing up.... Well, let's just say for some of us it seemed impossible. For Matt, it seemed like an adventurous misson into the world. Matt, you always had a smile on your face that was so darn contagious I would look for your familiar face on an especially heavy day. You just knew... You knew how hard it was and you still had that smile on your face. I know I can thank pretty much all of that happiness to you're closest friends at the time, and mostly Lizzy.
Today has felt so weird, and I miss you especially so much today. Going over this website, seeing everyone's messeges.. I couldn't imagine who you'd be today and what you'd be doing. Through all this covid? Ugh. Our society is fighting so hard just for our rights and I know you'd never stand for any of it. I'm honestly so glad you aren't here to be burdened with the loss and change of our entire world.
As the years go by, missing you just doesn't get easier. I always knew you were a huge reason in why I was even able to get through my time at Silverton highschool, but each year that we gain without you seems to bring more tears everytime I talk about you and what you did for me. And that you can't see today what youve done to help so many others by just being yourself.
I was battling with many of the common things that anxiety riddled teens struggle with, specifically in highschool, but I was also forced to live three different lives by growing up and participating in the closed off church community, and then going home to a set of 7 younger siblings to take care of while my dad worked to provide for us, and then going to school where I was more than welcomed by you with open arms for a hug every day I saw you. No questions, nothing. You just knew every single time even when I didnt. As If you just knew life was going to be too short.
I ended up leaving silverton school to do online school, never realizing that last hug I got from you was the last time I'd ever see you. I never understood why you hugged me no questions asked, and I never understood why it meant so much to me. Thinking back now? You saved my life and still do to this day. You showed me hope when I was so sure there was none in a world so dark, and was heavily struggling with the descision of taking my own life. I think about you and the power of your vibration every time I think about why I'm fighting for my life because a few months after your passing, I decided to give up but it wasn't my time to go. It got so dark especially knowing that your light had been blown out.. I couldn't take it anymore.
I felt so guilty for trying. You could see my pain every day and you understood and spoke to me without even speaking, how could I go on knowing the world was just that much darker now?
You made such an impact on me that your energy and vibration of those hugs are so greatly remembered it brings me to tears and encourages me to fight considering I've been fighting for my health ever since my attempt.
You showed me what it's like to fight against feelings and emotions when we were young kids when not a single person had before.. nobody knew how. You helped me build a foundation for myself to carry myself through impossible moments, and showed me how to be there for other people too.
You are a huge reason why I am who I am today, and that's silly to say off the not so close relationship we had, but without having conversations you understood and knew me more than so many did, and more than alot of people were willing to understand. Possibly because you shared the same pain. I was a confusing person having lived the way I did.. I was confused myself but that didn't phase you.
Im happy this website is here so that I can see the life Matthew breathed into every one of you when he was here, and even more so when he's not. Showing us to really take life by the reins and go after what you believe in, and be the person you are meant to be, truly. Especially as we all grow older and start our own families. In which I'd only hope he would have by now if he were here too.
Our world really misses you my friend.