Dear grandpi

We miss you so much I wish we could see you we love you.

Hi dad,
  I'm sorry I missed posting last month on your angelversary. I was really sad. I miss you so much that it breaks my heart every day. I wish so much, that you could be here for me and my children. Randall and I went to "our" favorite hiking spot, the rock house. We wrote you a letter and buried it like always. I will continue this until I see you in heaven. I really wish there was visiting hours cause i'd be there everyday. I've caught you visiting me at 3a.m. lol one on video and one a picture. July 14th will always be the worst day of my life.

Happy 62nd birthday dad. I miss you so much. I hope the angels are singing to you, and rejoicing your life. You deserve everything and more. I love you dad

Dear dad,
     I can't believe it's been 11 years. I missed writing you a letter for father's day, but I just want you to know, you're all I thought about. I've been getting stronger, dealing with you being gone. I'm not saying it's easy, but time made it Less hard. I still miss you like crazy every single day. And you're the topic of alot of my conversations. I talk about all the times we shared, with ppl who'll listen.
     I never get tired of telling ppl about the amazing man you were. The great dad you turned out to be. I know when we were younger, you guys didn't have parenting figured out, and it wasn't easy, but you learned along the way, and made me the woman I am today. When I'm in a situation I don't have an answer to, I think of what you'd say to me. You were so wise. Probably cause you lived it lol. There's days I still cry, and get angry at the fact you're gone. But I understand you're not hurting anymore. I feel like, if I move on, and I'm okay with it, that I'll forget you, and that you'll be sad.
     I'm not sure where things are going in my life, but I know you'll help me get there. There's a thing I do with the girls, and I know it's silly, but I like it. When chey was little I would tell her, every time a plane goes by, that's grampy. Now that they're older, they know you're not really in it, but it's a metaphor of you flying by keeping an eye on us. So they say I love you grampy, to the sky. I don't see any harm in it. I just wish it was true. That you're on a plane coming home. As ridiculous as that sounds.
     I have a certain dream of you every couple months. You're in the hospital in a coma, and I'm visiting you, talking to you, hoping you're listening. As I'm walking away, I hear you say Jill. I turn around, and we're at home. You keep saying you were just on vacation, and you're cancer is gone. I never want to wake from that dream, because it in, I still have you. Alot of days, I'll sit and cry. Which makes me feel better.
     Yesterday Savannah was blowing bubbles outside, and the wind took they way up high, and she kept saying, they're going to heaven with grampy. It was so cute. They miss you so much. They didn't ever get the pleasure of meeting you, and growing up with your love, but they know everything about you. I tell them things all the time, and answer whatever questions they have about you. I want them to feel like they knew you, and met you.
     This day of the year is always the hardest for me. The depression kinda sneaks up on me during the week leading up to it, then I break down inside on today. "I wish there was a rewind button, cause I'd push it, and ask for 5 more minutes". That's a country song, every time I hear that line, I think of you. I'd be pushing it nonstop. I hate not being able to call you, or visit you, and watch law and order, or NASCAR. I know I can talk to your spirit, but that's not the same at all!!! I want to run up to you, and give you the biggest hug ever. Sometimes I wait for the day I see you again, and how I would feel. What I would say. Its along road, and a long time before I see you, but sometimes I wish it were closer. I wish God would let you show yourself to me, so I could just see your face again. Even for a second. I miss you so much dad. So So much. I couldn't miss anyone more. I love you dad, and I hope you're doing ok in heaven. You deserve the best!!!
    

I wanted to wish you a very merry Christmas. Its not the same with you not here. This is the 10th Christmas you've missed, and it kills me. I still get angry sometimes, and feel like you chose to leave me. Idk, but what I do know, is that I love you more then anything, and I miss you like crazy. I hope the new year brings me on a journey, that you can be proud of. Things need to change, and I need my girls back. If you could please talk to God for me.

Happy 61st birthday dad
I hope it's beautiful in heaven. I hope your birthday is perfect. I love you so much, and I miss you everyday

Happy 60th birthday dad. I love you so much, and I miss you like crazy. Living these past 9 years without you, have been hell. I know, you'll help me through, on what's going on in my life right now. I just pray, sooner than later. Have a beautiful, peaceful birthday! I love you

Today I laid a flower down
As it quietly withered away,
For it was just as sad
That you couldn't stay.
The heavens gained an angel
I lost my best friend,
I'll live in your shadow
Until I see you again