Forgiveness …
What better way and timing than today on 11:17 at 11:17am on your 47th birthday to finally be able to and deciding to forgive you. Forgive you, but not your actions.

Your actions towards me and my family, those I will never forget. I
t’s
time to let go of my spiralling thoughts about our relationship that continue to lead me to the darkest of places. Not understanding why you took your own life on that stormy December day in 2016. Re-living your final moments on this earth. How Cassandra and I witnessed your last breath. How traumatic it was. How drastic it was. But what a way to go- Mr. Drama, for your world wasn’t happy if it did not involve any kind of drama.
Time to let go of you.
Time to let go of all these awful memories.
I will never truly understand the reason or meaning that our relationship has taught me. For there are times, too many times I wish you had never come into my life. How different our lives would have been.
But today, on your birthday, I am forgiving you. For you were a troubled soul way before you came into my life.
I rarely talk about you anymore. I do think about you but that only brings me sadness. The somewhat very few happier moments of our relationship are hidden so deep that I cannot remember them anymore.
So be free of me, wherever you may be as I choose to be free of you from today on.
I am closing that chapter of my life at this very moment. For once and forever.
I choose life.
I choose to be happy.
I choose my family.
I choose to live!
I choose to say goodbye to you forever…
So goodbye Michael Ian Robertson.
I forgive YOU but never your actions.
RIP.

Six years.

Happy 46th birthday Michael.
RIP.

Five years.

Today you are 45. Would be 45 years old.
Happy Birthday Michael.

Four years ago today.
Still a storm in my mind.
Be at peace. And bring peace to those you left behind.

3 years today.
God awful day.
Hope you are at peace with what happened and those you left behind.

On this date that would have been your 43rd birthday, my wish is that you are at peace wherever you are. You are missed, never forgotten. Good and bad memories shall forever remain with me and my son and daughter. I will soon be leaving this house that was supposed to be our new home but turned out to be otherwise. The only thing that still keeps me tied to you. You left me with so many unanswered questions, way too many to deal with at times. How I wish I would have known about your demons while I was with you. Perhaps I could have helped you better. But others kept that knowledge away from me, I was left in the unknown. Questioning our relationship from start to end. Too many things still make no sense to me. They never will. Never knowing many things about you until it was too late. In time I may be able to forgive but never shall I forget how I was made to feel when you left us.

I hope that you are happy where you are Michael. For I know I shall never see you again nor will we ever meet again. You have your family to care for you up there now and in time, others will join you as well.

You will always hold a piece of my heart. I will always think of you on your birthdays to come and on the anniversary of your death. I will always those final moments. How horrible they were for my family. But I am now able to remember some good times that we have had. Memories that were buried deep inside of me. I don't mean to be cruel. But I need to let go of all hurt that you have brought me. And on these pages, I am able to do that up to a point.

Goodbye once again Michael.
Hope you are celebrating your special day with those you love.

xx

Two years have gone by already since that dreadful day of December 15, 2016. You are often on my mind as we shared many memories together regardless if they were good or bad. Your pictures still hanging up in parts of the house where you died. Both the kids still find your death difficult to deal with. Cassie more so than Keenan. You would be happy to hear that Keenan is still in contact with Brendan and they spend hours playing online games, just like they used to do at the condo.
No matter how we all feel, time never stops. Life goes on. You are often remembered by family and friends. Many of our friends from our group miss you dearly as many loved you for being a nice person and understanding friend.
Until next year Michael. May you be at peace with yourself once and for all. <3

My dearest Michael. I don't know how this is possible. 2 years and I am hurting like it was yesterday. My heart is shattered into a million pieces.  You are always on my mind. I love you sweetheart as much today as the day you were born. I wish I could have a miracle and you would be back here where you belong. I love you sending hugs and kisses your way.