It seems I've been neglecting this page. I've thought about deleting it a thousand times because, only mom and I post here now but, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. I could fill the site with the things I want to talk to you about but, I keep it to myself. There's really no point in putting it out there for the world to see. You know everything that I want to tell you and I have felt you guiding me through it all. I guess it's true what they say "Those that love us never really leave us". Thank you for supporting me through everything. I love you, I miss you and I wish more than anything that you were here in the flesh and not just in spirit.

Happy Birthday Micheal, I think about you all the time and today is no different. Today is your 63rd Birthday and how I wish we could celebrate together. I struggled all day to stay at work. I could not figure out why I was so fidgety, not happy with were I was or what I was doing and then I realized it was me missing you. Holidays are still very hard for me, I try to push through and go on but my heart still aches, my eyes still cry, my longing for you still continues after all this time. Your are the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate. That will never change. I love you so much

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you.

Another Valentine's day is approaching and it just reminds me of how much I miss you. To have you kiss me, hug me, or just talk to me would be a real blessing. It is really hard to lose your husband. It is even harder to lose your soulmate, best friend and the father of our children. I try to carry on as best I can but you are always in my thoughts. I thought it would get better after almost 5 years but I was wrong. I still cry, I still wish you were here, I still miss everything about you. Your smile, your smell, your touch, your laughter, your green eyes, the way you walk, the way only you could sooth me when I am having a hard time. I wish I could turn back time so I could be with you again. I love you and miss you.

Happy Anniversary Micheal, I love you and miss you so much. We became one 41 years ago tonight @ 6:55 pm. We went on the journey of life together with all the ups and downs that came along the way. We endured everything that came our way and still we remained forever teenagers together. We lived, loved, laughed and even cried together. No man could ever come close to what you are to me. Be at peace my love for I still hold you close to me in my heart. We are always together in spirit. You are still with me every single day. I love you.

Four years..... Seems like such a long time but, to me it was only yesterday that we were saying good bye. The pain is still there. The tears still come easily. There is a hole in my heart that on bad days feels like an enormous abyss waiting to swallow me up. Thankfully the bad days are becoming fewer and I am able to think about the happy times more. I still relive the day you left but, I am no longer being suffocated by the weight of my own grief. I am healing but, slowly. I love you, Dad. I've missed you so much and I will always miss you. RIP.

Sitting here thinking of you. It has been 4 years now and I still can not get use to you not being here. I was told that time would heal all wounds. I don't find that to be true. I miss you more today than I ever thought was possible. I remember your walk, your voice, your laughter, your sense of humor, your smile and your beautiful green eyes, the way you held me, the way you kissed me. You are forever a part of me and no matter what I do, I will never be whole again until we are together again. I love and miss you Micheal

Happy Birthday Micheal, I miss you so much. I can not believe it has been 4 years since I was able to touch you, kiss you and talk to you. A large piece of me is missing. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you and miss you more every day. I'm sorry I forgot to stop and visit you on Sunday. :(

Christmas hasn't been the same since you left and this year is especially bad for me for other reasons which, I'm sure you are aware. You've appeared in my dreams twice now and I still can't figure out what you were trying to tell me. I reached out for help but, no one else can figure it out either. Are you trying to tell me that it will be alright? Were you trying to let me know that there were some major positive changes ahead for me? I'm not good with symbolism so I do wish you'd just tell me in plain english. Even if it's bad news, I'd rather just have it put out there so, I can deal with it and move on.

Day two and I still have knot in my chest. It took me by complete surprise. That sudden need to see you and talk to you. I can't explain it. I feel heavy with grief again like the loss is brand new. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. All I know is that for some reason, I am feeling your absence more these last couple of days than I have in a little while. I fought the tears until I couldn't fight them anymore. I'm letting them fall now if only to relieve this pressure. I know they won't bring you back. They won't fill the emptiness in my heart but, they can for a moment bring some relief. I miss you so much. I love you.

Micheal, I have been thinking about why I have taken to my bedroom since you left. I use to think it was depression but, I think that deep down inside it is because that is where I feel closest to you. We spent many hours in our room just watch football or a movie. It was a very peaceful time. Since we always had a house full, our room was very quiet and we could watch whatever we wanted and enjoy it without interruptions. I miss those times. I love and miss you so much, the thought of you not being here still makes me cry. I want to talk to you and hold your hand in mine and go for the walks we use to take. I have a very empty space in my life and in my heart.

Happy Anniversary my darling. I do not know if my pain will ever go away. I think of you and I still cry like you only left today. I hear the Eagles song ( Hotel California) and I cry. I know you would not want me to be sad or lonely but I can't help it. I miss you so very much. I miss everything about you. Your smile, your kiss, your arms around me, your silly jokes, the little things that you would say when you were kidding around and the way you loved me with all your heart and soul. I will love anyone the way I love you.

Today would have been yours and Mom's 40th Anniversary and in my mind I see nothing but, the enormous party we would have had to honor that commitment. But, that party will only happen in my imagination because you're not here to celebrate with us. I know you are watching over us and loving us all from a distance, especially Mom but, it's still not the same and never will be. Happy Anniversary, Dad. We love you and miss you so much.

It has been 3 years since you left my side. I continue to write my poems about the loss of you and how much I miss you. I guess it is a form of release for me and a hope that you can indeed see how much you are loved and are missed. Life is really hard without you. You were my soul mate, best friend and the most wonderful husband I could have ever asked for. You could always lift me up when I was down. You made me feel special and pretty. I miss talking to you every day and miss rushing home because I knew you were waiting on me.You always worried when I was late and would be waiting on the porch when I pulled in. I will never find a more loving and caring man such as you were. We were indeed forever teenagers. We heard our children tell us more than once ( GET A ROOM ! ) and we would just laugh. We knew we had never grown out of the new love feeling. We just kept falling deeper and deeper in love as time went on. What a wonderful way to live. I could go on and on with how wonderful our lives were together. I miss you so much,and my love is still strong.

It's only just after midnight so, I guess it hasn't been 3 years just yet. In a little less than twelve hours my mind will go back and relive that day over again. It used to happen multiple times a day but, over time the frequency has lessened. Now it happens only on your birthday or the anniversary. Any other day, I'm able to focus on other things but, you're still never far from my mind. It doesn't take much to trigger a memory and I expect it will always be that way. I can't even go into a home improvement store without hearing your voice in my head about checking and rechecking and making sure I know what I'm going after and/or how much I'm going to need. My coffee pot still sits on my counter even though it never gets used. It was there for you. "You better have coffee ready when I get there." is what you used to say and I always did. A full pot just for you and Mom because she made you share. Now it's how I know when you're near. I smell coffee brewing while my pot remains empty and cold. I love you, Dad and I miss you so much.

It's Father's Day once again and my heart is heavy. This year it's heavier because Uncle Tony has gone to join you. I feel for Cathi, Diana and Ellyn because I know what life is going to be like for them from now on. Oh they'll live and laugh and experience the joys that life has to offer but, in the deepest corners of the minds and hearts there will be a void. There will be a slight ache that never heals and an emptiness that can not be filled. I know this, I experience it every day and I wish it on no one. I learned about Uncle Tony on the way to bring you flowers and my heart broke all over again and a new reason was born to dread this day. I miss you, Dad. More than you could ever possibly know and it grows every day. I love you. Happy Father's Day.

It used to drive me crazy when I would turn around and you (being the ninja you were) had walked up behind me without me knowing. Scared the crap out of me everytime. Or when you would poke me. Miss you Daddy Mike. If you see my papaw or grandad tell them hi for me. I'm sure they would love to talk about the Buckeyes with you. love you

Still Missing you
I want to forgive our Lord for what he took from me.
I want to pray to the Heavens and get down upon my knees.
I want to do these things, but I need to make you see.
There is still so much anger down deep inside of me.
I know he has a plan, of which we do not know.
But, I am still having trouble trying to let you go.
I see you in my dreams and think of you everyday.
I still wish the Lord had not taken you away.
I miss you so, my darling, I miss your warm embrace.
I wish I could watch you sleeping and gaze upon your handsome face.
I hear your voice inside my head ; say I am watching over you.
I feel you all around me so I know that much is true.
I still miss you so my love,though I feel your presence near.
I miss your gentle touch when you could wipe away my tears.
Written with love for Micheal D Hinkle
By Toni K. Clapham Hinkle
4/17/2014

A new year has begun and tomorrow will not only mark the end of the first month of the year but, also mark three years since I lost my Missy. Daddy, if you would, give her a loving pat from me and tell her how much I miss her. You know, I find comfort in picturing you surrounded by all of them, playing ball or tug of war and having a grand old time. I also picture you with all of the family members who passed before you talking and laughing and standing watch over us all. Please hug each one for me and tell them I love them. Hug Grandma Spencer, Grandpa Hinkle, Uncle John and Jen extra tight and let them know how much I miss them. I hope you know how much I love you, Daddy and how much I miss you too.

As I sit here on our bed I am reminded of all the times we just laid here arms wrapped around each other just watching tv or talking or just lying here quietly and saying nothing. We did not have to speak to understand that we truly loved each other. Arms around each other was all the comfort we needed. I love you sweetheart. Miss you every day.

Two years have passed and I still can't believe that you're not here. Every time I enter the room you shared with Mom, I expect to see you in your chair watching television away from the noise and bustle of the household. I love you, Daddy and I will miss you always.

Micheal, I have loved you for most of my life. When we met, I was a child of 11 years old. It was love at first sight. My love for you grew and grew. You were my best friend, my soul mate. Though it has been 2 years since you had to leave, it still seems like just yesterday. The pain and the sorrow is as strong today as it was then. I miss you more than people really know. I still think about you every single day.I know that the Heavens will rejoice when we are reunited once again. A love like ours comes along rarely in a life time.