We still feel your presence, and remember your smile, your laugh and your kindness. Forever missed x

Can it be that time again? So many years passed now, but the hole you left in my life has not been filled with anything else. Still an aching that can't be quelled. Sobs just escape me sometimes for no apparent or intellectual reason, when I realise that I am alone. 

Last night I took you to Scottish Country Dancing on the Gold Coast, listening to the drifts of Scottish accents in the few of the group who are Scots - "move up a wee bitty". Some in their 80's and 90's still stepping out the reels and sets, using their brains for the complex pattern of the dance and skipping about, always leading with their right foot. Not the highland dancing that you used to do, but probably the commoner midland version of the rest of Scotland. No kilts, but the adorable laced up black shoes on men and women alike. Me wearing my purple and yellow suede shoes from Marrakesh as they have the right sole. 

I look like, and I am, a ring in. But you liked the music and so did Dad and you both would have been clapping on the sides. love you to the Moon and back...

Qld border open again and little fear of Covid 19 meant that I could drive up for your birthday with the dogs, and for once the weather was lovely. I wore your dad's Masonic watch fob along with the cupie doll and my nice white broderie anglaise dress which you would have loved. Brendon came too bringing his purple orchids which we floated out to you, hoping you would be able to dodge the motor boats that were passing, coming back from a family day in the sun.

Rogan in Sydney said he would play a game for you to commemorate your birthday, but Morgan was in the depths of preparing for her interview for the Ambulance Service and could not think outside her anxiety. I am sure she will come and see you when she is calmed.

I read your poem into the rocks and over the water, with a couple of fishermen nearby and thought that your resting place is so perfect for you, with stacks of people coming to visit, keeping you interested and amused. I hope you and dad love it there and that the poem went some way to saying what we all feel. 

"You wanted to live at home
to talk and walk around
But as time went on
you were forced to give up ground
God saw you getting tired
not knowing what to do
So he wrapped his arms around you
and whispered, "Heaven's the place for you"
And when I saw you sleeping
so peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
to suffer that again
You did not deserve to suffer more
so He set you down to rest
To God's garden you are surely bound
to sit with all the best.

love and kisses my amazing Mum, Denny Menny

On your anniversary - the orchids for the river could not be thrown to you, but Brendon had brought them down to me and they graced the kitchen with their vibrant purpleness for about a week. 

I got the ironing board out on that day and ironed one of Dad's hankies which I found in a box and bleached up, faithfully following your directions on how to iron a man's hanky (as opposed to ironing a woman's one). Slowing pressing the edges and 'dumping' the last fold. The only bit of ironing I was allowed to do as a child, while the iron was cooling down.

Here is the song that you probably heard me singing and also probably felt from the choir the night we sang.

Seem like to me the stars don't shine so bright
Seem like to me the sun dun lost his light
Seem like to me there's nothing goin' right
Since you went away

Miss you Mum. Denny Menny

Your birthday came, but try as I might I could not get the children together to celebrate in our normal way, battling the elements down at the river. Almost made it on the 19th with Rogan visiting from Sydney, but the catastrophic events of the Covid19 virus meant that I was already isolating and not wanting to go up to the Gold Coast. 

I had a cup of tea with you and looked at some old photos, laughing at your continued playfulness into old age. I am not that old yet and struggle most days to find a silver lining. You were amazing. I sang our choir song which makes everyone who has lost someone, sob into their parts. The singing ebbs and flows with some parts crying and other parts singing louder to cover their sorrow.

lovey from FFC

I still picture your rose petals floating down Tallebudgera Creek in a lazy line in the current. You are missed and often come up in conversation. Your dignity, humility and tenacity live on in your family who are all doing their best to be good human beings. Fond memories xxx

Six years ago I was walking Vega the dog with Morgan back at Witt Avenue, when the doctor rang from the hospital. I raced as fast as the traffic would allow, but did not reach you in time. You could not wait but had to start your passage without me and I could only stroke your face and ears and hair to try to grab some of you back for myself. Those memories are etched forever and I can bring the tactile feelings to life at any time when I want to be close to you. I didn't know what to do. How could I leave you there? To a better place you had gone and only with that thought could I be pulled away and out of the hospital. Having you and Dad resting in the water at Tallebudgera near the bridge is the best thing ever, as I can go whenever I want to watch you float about. Love you Mum always.

And here is your poem. I was not that good at speaking it out loud, so it was a blessing that you made the weather calm and no cyclones to battle. Hope you liked it. If only we had more time together.....
If I could have just one more day and wishes did come true,
I'd spend every glorious moment side by side with you.
Recalling all the years we shared and memories we made,
how grateful I would be to have just one more day.
Where the tears I've shed are not in vain and only fall in bliss,
so many things I'd let you know about the days you've missed.
I wouldn't have to pretend as if you never went away,
how grateful I would be to have just one more day.
When that day came to a close and the sun began to set,
a million times I'd let you know I never will forget.
The heart of gold you left behind when you entered Heaven's gate,
How grateful I would be to have just one more day. love and kisses from us all.

Hi Mum. Your birthday came and went without being able to get Rogan and Morgan together and not working, so I drove past over the bridge and gave you a wave, telling you we would come soon to celebrate. Finally you gave us good weather and amazing high tide last night 20th. I think you were trying to lap at our feet - the rock platform covered almost up to the hill. Water clear and very warm as it washed over our shoes. Purple orchids from Brendon floated off into the still night. An hour before as we ate our vegan picnic the bridge was buzzing with 'jumpers', so if you were calling us over, we wouldn't have heard. Rogan and Morgan wrote a card for you and had drawn a picture of you and I. It was lovely to have them be so thoughtful. I have it safe for you and also the dried flowers they brought along. Rogan said that only you would know what the flowers were. True. love, Neecey

FIVE years on from when you floated away in the hospital and left me wondering what to do next. Thank you for always being with me now. Even though you loved it, passing through all the farmland and trees, it's easier for you now that you don't have to do the drive down to Ocean Shores,

I am just remembering the birthday dinner on the 7th. Again an absolutely shocking night with wind and driving rain. We huddled in the gazebo behind two big golf umbrellas on their side to stop getting soaked. What a scream - serviettes blowing away and glasses depositing their contents on the table and in our laps. The lid of the esky even blew off and hit me in the forehead. We soldiered on.

After packing up and stalking through the wind to where you lay, we were amazed at how calm it was on your side of the bridge. The purple orchids for you and Dad just floated about not going anywhere in particular, decorating the black water so prettily.

Next year we will have our picnic on the rocks. You probably made the weather so bad AGAIN to give us the hint to be closer to you. Heard you. Next year you can join in on the meal. Love you to the moon and back. Flossie FC

Hey Mum and happy birthday again. Another one for your poem library, read tonight with love from Flossy.

Although you cannot hear her voice
or see her smile any more
your mother walks beside you still
just as she did before
She listens to your stories and
she wipes away your tears
She wraps her wings around you
and she understands your fears
It’s just she isn’t visible
to see with human eye
But talk to her in silence
and her sprit will reply
You’ll feel the love she has for you
You’ll hear her in your heart
She’s left her human body
but your souls will never part

Whilst I am excruciatingly lonely without you, you are with me every minute of every day.

A few days left before Xmas and thinking of all the ones I spent with you. I can't imagine how you kept so happy and smiling every year, making our times so special - different and yet the same. The rituals were the glue but your excitement was the joy of the day and all the days leading up to the big event. I guess time no longer passes for you and all the days drift into each other. I imagine you are floating up there with the same old excitement and laughter and happy that you don't have to find a carpark in the shopping centre in the heat. Love you Mum - wish you were here, or I was there with you. Floss FC.

Four years today and it feels like a hundred years since you passed away, but at the same time, just a minute ago. Every morning I ask you about the day and pull a Ponder Card. You are pretty funny, giving me the same card for days at a time, just so that I get the picture. That starts my day and from then on I connect over and over with you while I am going about my Life, noticing myself doing the things you used to do. Also noticing my inclination to solve problems practically - that skill comes from watching you solve problems throughout my life. So you live on in my head, my heart, and my hands. Love you Mum. Flossie....

Here's the poem I read you, so that you don't have to try to remember the words.

Somewhere in my heart beneath all my grief and pain,
Is a smile I still wear at the sound of your dear name.
The precious word is ‘mummy’, you're still my world you see,
But now my heart is breaking cause you're no longer here with me.
God chose you for His angel to watch me from above,
To guide me and advise me and know that I’m still loved.
The day you had to leave me
when your life on earth was through,
God had better plans for you, and this, I surely knew.
When I think of your kind heart and all those loving years,
My memories surround me and I can’t hold back the tears.
You truly were my best friend, someone I could confide in,
You always had a tender touch
and a warm and gentle grin.
I want to thank you Mummy for teaching me so well,
And though the time had to come that I bade you your farewell,
I’ll remember all you’ve taught me and make you proud you’ll see.
Thank you my Dear Mummy for all the love you have shown me.
Although you’ve left this earth and now have taken flight,
I know that you are here with me,
each morning, noon and night. Xxx

What a windy night it was when we visited you for your birthday. Definitely not a Zephyr. The lights were twinkling on the water and we sighed with happiness that your resting place is in such a great location. It may be noisy sometimes with the kids jumping off the bridge but somehow I think that you don't mind at all. Rogan reminded us that he thinks about you every day at work when helping older people with their fears of new technology, and tells them about how smart and skilled you were, knowing many things that he will never know. The purple orchid came out right on cue, so we left them for you and Dad along with the three coloured leaves from brendon's garden. Love you Mum. Flossie Few Clothes.

Dearest Denise, thinking of you today as you reminisce. How lucky you are to have such priceless memories. Your Mum would want you to have fun, to enjoy life, and to make the best of the life she gave you. Her smile and warmth will not be forgotten.

Three years ago today Mum, when you left for your next journey. Somehow it seems that you didn't go very far, as you are with me every day in my thoughts and my actions. You have grown out of your tinyness and now have very large white wings when I see you, which you flap in big gusts sending me nurture. I wonder if you can see me too? I am so grateful to have had you for so long and would give anything to have you for just one more day - doing the things that we did together and laughing about nothing. Not much is fun anymore, now that I can't share it with you. Enjoy your freedom. love Flossie

Dear Nancy, you would be so very proud of your daughter's valiant attempts to defend your Will, but also a little sad at the toll it took on her. She could not have done more. I am grateful that Denise shared you, her beautiful mother, with all of us. We are all the better for it. I often wonder what it was about some of you women of yesteryear, my maternal Nana included, that saw you live lives of selfless and compassionate service to others despite having more than your share of difficulties to overcome . You have been a wonderful role model.

Hey Mum. I saw this poem today written and read by a 92-yr old. 
"I looked in the mirror and what did I see, but a little old lady peering back at me. With bags and sags and wrinkles and wispy white hair and I asked my reflection, how did you get there?

You once were straight and vigorous and now you're stooped and weak--when I tried so hard to keep you from becoming an antique.

My reflection's eyes twinkled and she solemnly replied, 'You're looking at the gift wrap and not the jewel inside'--a living gem and precious of un-imagined worth, unique and true the real you, the only you on earth.

The years that spoil your gift wrap with other things more cruel should purify and strengthen and polish up that jewel.

So focus your attention on the inside, not the out--on being kinder, wiser, more content and more devout.

Then, when your gift wrap is stripped away, your jewel will be set free--to radiate God's glory, throughout eternity."

You are a living gem still, and I could see you shining in the water tonight.... xxxx

Happy Birthday Mum
Another Vegan Bar-B-Q at Tallebudgera to celebrate with you. You probably would have liked the Appletise and the fried onions, but not the vegan sausages. Rogan has replaced Nancye, the Mustang, with a newish car and can now relax when driving, instead of being fearful the car will fall apart (stylishly). We gave you purple orchids from Brendon's, pink frangipanis, and dark red ones from Anne. Wendy also sent her love. The water was fabulously clear and warm and looked so inviting. We know you are having a great time there with Dad, just floating with the tide. love forever, Floss

Almost Christmas again. Another one without you, but I hope that you are happier where you are and looking down on us. Every day I regret that I could not defend your Will, but I did my best and feel sure that you know that. The dogs are fine, but getting older and Badger is slowing down. I think we all are. See you soon at Tallebudgera, love Floss

Hi Mum. We celebrated your birthday down at the water with you. A vegan bar-b-q, which you would have laughed at. Burning the Court documents and giving them to you was a fitting end to that catastrophe. I am so sorry that I could not do as you asked.  I hope that you are peacefully loving the view with Dad. See you soon. Love you forever.  Floss

Happy Birthday Mum
We will have your birthday without you, which is sad, but will remember you in stories of happy times.

love forever, Flossie FewClothes

As we look upon her picture
Sweet memories we recall
Of a face so full of sunshine
And a smile for one and all