Today the 8th of April was a difficult day for me. I cried for almost 2 hours thinking about you. So much has been going on in the world that triggered a lot of emotions but I had it all bottled in for about a month now... the Ethiopian airline crash, the death of a family member who was in his prime, and most recent, the killing of an American rapper who had a young family, was just getting recognized for all of his hard work and was loved by his community. Everyone of these incidents tore through my heart and made me miss you so much.
So in my usual mode of trying to prepare for the week and what we have planned for your birthday on that Saturday.... I call Lola Onajin to wish her a happy Birthday and invite her to the house on that Saturday... I start to open up to her a little about how the last month has been (I’ve stayed busy), and I didn’t realize when I burst into tears.
Planning your birthday brought me to tears, the memory of telling mum and Dad about Wonuola’s plans for your birthday, and how mummy started crying haunted me.... how Daddy couldn’t look at me as I spoke.... how Zeze wouldn’t be present on that day cos he has to be Off site... how I may have to explain to Laolu all by myself the significance of what we had planned for what would have been your 50th Birthday.
Oh how I cried... 14 years later and I’m crying like it just happened yday. Fela came over and wiped my tears whilst I was on the phone with Lola. After I hung up with her, It kept coming down because I missed you...I miss you... I miss Aunty Nky, and I know your babies miss you, mummy and Daddy miss you, Zeze, Sist Doyin and Sis Lape miss you
I felt overwhelmed with emotion, my chest was hurting, I had a headache... I felt like I was gonna pass out. I messaged Yomi immediately to tell him how I felt. I messaged Sist Doyin that I was stomped on how to include Laolu on your birthday.
I’m still sad... still teary eyed. It is because u r no longer with us that mum and Dad didn’t celebrate their 50th year wedding anniversary... all she remembers is that it was a few weeks before she became a Mother for the first time.
We all miss you so much... I miss you terribly. I can’t believe I have cried so much today...I want your birthday to be a beautiful day... I pray that It means something to Laolu. All I want is for them to know of you and the legacy you left behind.
For As long as there is breath in me, Bolaji, Wonuola and Laolu will be loved and cared for. All of your loved ones friends and family will carry on the great work that you started on them.
I love you bro.. I miss you so much it hurts. It is because of the hurt I feel that I know I want you forever in my heart. I will try and fall asleep now.