Today, May 9, 2024 makes it four weeks since you transitioned from our reality.
It is also the day we would have celebrated your 68th birthday. This year, I looked forward to both your anniversary and birthday with more purpose than before. I was just seeing you through my changing perspectives and wanted to show how grateful I am. You left before both of them. Instead, we are heading home to commit your body to mother earth.
This past month, my mind has been in a loop recalling that groan from daddy that instantly set me on auto pilot on that Thursday night.
Mummy, I often praised and thanked you for how you made your home a safe haven, a place of order and peace.
You would giggle sweetly and say it is God.
You were good to my family. You were good to everyone. You were good to me. Even when I wasn't receptive to your close attention, you would call Wande to find out how I was really doing.
I miss you in the worst way - missing the depth of the both us that never was. But even if it didn't always seem that way, I took everything you taught to heart. From one of your favourite verses you shared with me in 2015 about knowing how to be abased and how to abound - the gift of contentment, to all your advice about my relationship with my dad, to how you store and manage food in the house, and how you feared no one but God giving you the super power to be kind to all. You forgive easily and desire the best for all. You would extend yourself to provide a solution to everyone's problems. You loved family and valued every single person as your own.
Your love, deep respect, and reverence for daddy gave me so much hope about being married and happy some day. We've all talked so much about Daddy’s and our dependence on you. But your dependence and comfort in daddy was a sweet example of trust and how to be completely confident in your femininity. You were a picture of submission, yet living fully in your strength.
Wande and Mummy Toun talk about how you mellowed through the years and I remember our conversation in January as well. You said you don't let anything stress you anymore and have learnt to just live everyday in peace and thanksgiving. Your ability to embrace change without losing your essence is something that I will always pay attention to.
The last few days with you in the hospital are unforgettable. I was so sure you'll be out and back to being the matriarch who made everything run like clockwork. I was certain that you would pull through. Weirdly, I was excited about getting to know you afresh. I was so certain, mommy.
Now, while I never lashed out at God, I have definitely felt more subdued than submitted to His sovereignty in this matter. It still feels unreal. We had yam on a Thursday morning and saw wallgeckos in the house. How can? So strange. So strange that you are not here anymore, mummy Thomas.
You loved the Lord and took Him at His words in a simple and easy way. You weren't given to superfluous knowledge, just the sweet gospel and living out God's nature of kindness.
Thank you for all you are. For living fully, in kindness and service. Thank you for leaving behind traces of you in us, all of your many children. May your service to the world continue to yield fruit.
Rest with Jesus, mummy Thomas.