Dear Dad,
I am the man I am today because of the kind of father that you were. I have big boots to fill, not because of the size of your feet, but because of the immensity of your stature.
Dad, you are, and will always be my hero, and I had never have to look beyond you for inspiration. You were a quiet gentleman—not physically big, but a giant in many other ways—especially in character and achievements! From your parenting style to your work ethics, you instilled in us sound values to carry forward into the world— grounded in firm Christian beliefs which today shape our characters, our aspirations and ideals which I am proud to pass onto my children. These are: Honesty in all I do, Kindness to friends, family and strangers, Respect for all persons irrespective of origins, Treating everyone as equals, A sense of fairness and justice and how to be nice to people, Respect for women and children, Your gentle ways that made you approachable by everyone, and having an unimpeachable integrity.
These are the fundamental values you embodied—which endeared you to many, and made you a reliable pillar of the community. Your most precious gift to me; beside the care and concern, is that you introduced me to God—through your staunch belief in a higher power. You put us the children on the right path for spiritual fulfillment.
You motivated and inspired me to be a strong parent from your own parenting style. You taught me how to build a lasting and strong bond with family. So, I thank you, dad, for allowing me to build upon your model of fatherhood, one that works for our family.
My mother’s efforts also need to be commended. By staying strong, smart, and thoughtful also eases the magnitude of dad being a leader in our family. I give her my sincere thanks too.
Whenever I think of you dad, I realize how lucky I am. Dad you were a person of influence. Your influence has been most profound in my life and the lives of many other others—including a wide community outside the family confines.
Some of your traits that stand out for me are your faith in God, your gentle disposition, your positive attitude towards everyone, your untainted integrity, honesty, respectful, trust worthy, kind, humility, love of family; I can go on and on.
You always did your best to instill these traits in me from when I was very little. You encouraged me with positive feedback and telling me that nothing was impossible. You asked me to always treat everyone with courtesy and fairness, regardless.
Ntamulung Church, Azire Credit Union, Mecuda, BADA, PTAs and so many other associations always nominated you to be treasurer because of your trust worthiness. Your kind and unwavering positive attitude was an uplifting element that changed the lives of many around you. Anyone who has worked with you, even for a short while, has always commented on how positive and easy going you are.
Dad, your quiet and gentle ways meant that you always had a ready ear to listen. You listen to what everyone had to say without prejudice or judgment. You took a genuine interest in what goes on in the lives of others, ensuring that you provided the necessary assistance where possible—be it financial, or otherwise, you always offered the best remedy that you could. Dad, your humility is another quality that I have tried to emulate. You taught me that there is greatness in being humble. You were very accepting, reassuring, and encouraging—enabling us to be something of ourselves and encouraging us to be the best we can be.
Dear dad, you also gave me the tools for survival and success, even when I was not on my best behavior. When I would go off on some wild tangent and say things I should not have said, or gotten in trouble, you were still there with a kind and forgiving word of admonition.
A typical example of dad’s calm disposition was played out two days before my departure to the United States for this first time. One of dad’s friends stopped by and suggested that I should be sent to Nigeria for further studies instead. I was very upset with dad that he not only entertained the discussion with this friend, but he did not show any anger towards the friend or reprimand him for meddling. I wanted dad to tell his friend off, to mind his own business. When his friend left, I was frothing and I told dad that if I didn’t go to America, I was never going to school ever again. In fact, I made a right sulking nuisance of myself. But with his calm demeanor, dad quietly told me not to worry. He just advised me with these words, “When you get to America, just study hard and try to do well in college.” What was I thinking????
Dad you taught me a valuable lesson in patience and diplomacy. You made me to understand the value of being thoughtful in everything I do, and not to be rash in my actions or judgments.
I also remember when I was in high school and saw my other friends driving their dad’s car in Bamenda. Juvenile peer pressure kicked in and, I asked dad if he could register me at a driving school so that I too could learn how to drive. Dad asked me why I wanted to learn how to drive at such a young age, and my reason was that, if there was an emergency, and he was not home, I could drive to the hospital. Dad said to me, son, “don’t worry, when time comes for you to learn how to drive, you will drive, but now is not the time.”
I may not have appreciated or readily accepted these words of wisdom then. But as I grew older, dad, your wise counsel has been my guide, my source of strength—my support. I look up to you now with loving trust and pride. Yours has been the strong hand that held mine and led the way. You were my helper and my greatest adviser.
You showed me the stars and taught me how to reach them. You taught me a great deal about the yings and the yangs of life. You taught me that the road to success can be very rough, but to always remember that it doesn't matter how rough that road gets, all that matters is the destination. You always provided for us the children with the necessities in life: food, clothing, shelter, and so much more. You have given us so much, including the most important thing in the world; love. Love for each other and love of God.
Dad, the examples you set provided the steppingstones I needed to achieve my goals. The things that you have done for me, as your son are incalculable; I often wonder how I can begin to repay you.
Father, you gave me the greatest gift a father can give a son; you loved and believed in me. By your actions dad, I learned to do what is right. You imprinted very high moral standards and personal responsibility in us. You taught me about compassion and respect for life. You did not only give me education you taught me the value of education, and how to make the right call. You taught me the virtues of hard work, and the meaning of love of family. You do this by being a nurturing father, a hard and diligent worker, and a loving parent.
In a brief discussion with you, during your last visit to the United States, you reminisced as you told me a bit about your career growth from a poor boy in Bamenda to a very successful businessman. You overcame many obstacles and accomplished a great deal through the grit of hard work. That is one of the reasons why I am proud of what you have done. I, in particular, had the benefit of your success, and I hope to emulate you someday, and that my own children would say the same thing of me.
The older I get, the better I understand you; father because I find more and more of you in myself. Dad, you taught me to care for people, to care for family, to keep learning, and to hold lofty beliefs and to live by them. When my first marriage failed, I had already learned that fatherhood was much more than writing a check—it is a lifetime commitment. You have never given up on us father—you taught us not to abandon our children. What I learned from my up-bringing is to be present in my children’s lives, and to make sure they feel my presence.
Although you have gone to be with The Lord, time has not diminished your presence in my life. You were the best father any child could wish. You made me to realize that no matter what difficulties we face—we must accept these tests and obstacles as part of life. As long as we hold firm to our beliefs and our values, our lives will be meaningful and successful. I am privileged to have a great mentor whom I am lucky to call dad.
Dear Dad, you have gone home now to be with The Lord, guided by your faith and by the light of those you have loved and lost. You are now with them, leaving us behind not only to grief your passing with beautiful memories, but also to celebrate the life of a father like no other. As you go ahead, know that the passage of time will never heal the tragic memory of your loss. I want to say, thank you for being the best father I could ever wish for my own children and my siblings. We will carry on your legacy because you would want us to, and The Lord will shine His light to guide us through, until we meet again. May God bless you, and may you rest in eternal peace.
With lots of love and respect,
Your son, Ephraim