As Shana's close friends we were heartbroken to receive the call from Shana's mother that she had given birth to her little boy so prematurely. It was a phone call that we never expected nor wanted to receive. The three of us immediately dropped everything to be at the hospital with Shana and Paul David, nothing else mattered at that moment. It was heartbreaking for us to see her there cradling her precious son to her heart. One doesn't know what to do or say under these circumstances to comfort a friend, but we knew that being there for her and him was the most important thing.

There were many different thoughts and emotions: how unfair that this was happening to our wonderful friend that deserves more than anything to be a mother; compassion for her; sadness that Paul David's life was so short; disappointment and a sense of void for all the milestones we wouldn't be sharing with Shana and Paul.
 

Shana asked us to attend the memorial service  at UNC hospital. Of course we wanted to attend to pay our respects to Paul and to support Shana, who was seeking more peace each day. The memorial service was beautiful - filled with songs, stories, and poems.  Many families shared their sad, sad stories and there wasn't a dry eye in the room.  In a time when one feels very lonely in dealing with such a difficult loss, this service was a way to feel not quite as alone.  We were glad that we were able to accompany Shana and her mom to this service - in an attempt  for each of us to begin to find some closure with the idea that Paul's life was taken so unfairly.

We were and still often are at a loss for how best to comfort Shana and show our support. We may be weak in our words, but we are strong in our love for her and baby Paul.  He is missed, and Shana, you are loved.

Love Jenn, Maggi, & Wendy

Paul David Gillen

The first time I heard your name it made me pause. Paul and David were both mighty men of God; they impacted the world around them and they each made a difference in the lives they touched.

Little one, your life on earth may not have been long – but in those 18 & ½ weeks you impacted the lives you touched. You changed your Mommy in ways that will continue to reveal themselves. You see- to hold a human being in your arms that was created and grown inside your body changes a woman forever. The world becomes a different place, seen through different eyes.

Beautiful baby boy when I saw your pictures – I wept and I weep still, for your Mommy and for her arms that cannot hold you and her heart filled with love for you that you are not here to receive in person. Paul David your Mommy loves you very much and always will.

I wish I could do something to change things, to help your Mommy, but I cannot. There is no “fixing it”, no changing it, no making things better. Your Mommy will live all the days of her life loving you, until one day she passes beyond the veil and holds you in her arms again. You will laugh and dance then, and hold each other tight…. until that time, my prayer is that your Mom feels your spirit touch her every now and then. That when she looks upon flowers blooming, the sun rising, the ocean roaring…. may she feel your spirit brush her heart. May your Mommy find comfort and peace deep inside her soul. May your Mommy find the strength to keep on going, to live life fully, to climb mountains – may she impact the world around her and touch lives - for you, Paul David.

Shana – I am so honored and humbled that you shared Paul David’s passing and pictures with me; and now this memorial page with me. I am honored to call you friend. You and Paul David have touched me more than you know and this has changed my life, it changed my perspective and made me love and appreciate a bit more.

Paul David - you made a difference. You may not have lived long – but little one; you impacted the world around you, you changed lives and you touched hearts. May we each aspire to do the same in the lives we touch each day. Thank you little one for reminding us how to live.

I am telling Tom's story because I know he will never tell it himself, preferring not to put himself forward. Paul was his step-grandson, and just as Tom loves Paul's cousins and they love him, he looked forward to welcoming this newest member of our family. 

After Paul was born and died, it became clear to Shana that she needed a special place to keep his Comfort Cub urn and other precious keepsakes safe from dust and from curious pups and kitties. Here was Tom's opportunity to express his feelings in a tangible way. In North Carolina, we measured and told him what was needed. In New Hampshire, he drew a design. He bought wood, carefully picking pieces with the most beautiful grain. He measured and sawed and sanded and routered. Day by day, Paul's cabinet took shape. Though Tom has difficulty standing for long  periods due to an old injury, he spent day after day on his feet in his workshop. Every detail had to be perfect. Every piece was fitted to perfection using a joiner, biscuits, dowels, glue, and clamps so the finish would have no imperfections.

When the cabinet was done, Tom asked his good friend Alan, a professional painter, if he would apply the stain. Alan, though he had never met Shana, had shared Tom's sorrow at losing Paul. Now Alan said he would be honored to help with the cabinet. For three mornings, he came to our house before work to apply successive coats of stain.

Then Tom added the finishing touches, and Paul's cabinet was ready for its journey to North Carolina. It was truly a labor of love by Tom, and also his friend Alan, two more hearts deeply touched by little Paul.