I'm taking care of her honey ! She misses you too and sleeps st the foot of our bed at night protecting me!! We all miss you!!

We got home safe and sound!! Know you must have been looking out for us!! See... I know how to drive!!! And I know you were laughing looking down on my crazy ass getting lost up in Canada with the girls but I just HAD to see Bryan Adams!! Wish you'd been with me as I know you'd have loved it!!!!

Started reading this book on grief last night... Suggested by someone in my support group.... So many questions. When did you know you were gone? Did you see your mom first and realize then? DID you become briefly upset and fight, not wanting to leave us behind?

I have these questions and maybe one day you'll tell me up there?? I also really hope you felt nothing in that f'ing heart attack that killed you!! I Pray you didn't know anything happening and you didn't try to call out to me and me asleep upstairs unaware.

If only id seen signs earlier that night and INSISTED you go to due hospital!!' Could they have done anything ?? Would you be alive today??? I just miss the shit out of you!

I pray one day.. When MY time comes to depart this world and life of lose I've had...we will all be together again and you'll take my Hand, go off somewhere quiet with me there and answer all my questions I have.... And pray you say how proud you are of the girls and I!
I love you paul Jon!!!

Geez dad I only have 1 1/2 points and I'm in 141 place

Well.... She didn't win first round so I told her to take her time and think and not think about the clock. Please be with and guide her babe!!

Well we made it!!! We knew you were watching over babe!! I'm SOO tired not used to this driving this distance! But I did it!! You would have loved the concert last night!! Drea loved Bryan Adams . Hannah.. Takes getting used to it...

I still cry myself to sleep on your pillow at night babe!! I miss you SOO and the concert last night made me think of you and all the other shows/artist we saw together!! I love you and miss you!!!

Yo this is gay apparently I have to represent the school in Saratoga for chess nobody will be there from GCCS

I'm sorry I dropped F bombs yesterday. I was just really having a bad moment ! I know you didn't want this sweetheart and you'd be with us if you could. I just hurt without you!! I'm taking Hannah and Drea to Saratoga this weekend. She's the only one going from the school but I need a few days away!'

It's just too much sitting at home sometime. It will help all three of us! I just wanted to say how much I love And miss the shit out of you always and hope you still love me too!! Ttyl my love

Just when I thought I was doing ok.... WHY, paul Jon, WHY didn't you just see a damn doctor before it was too late for you??! Why were you SOO proud full?! I swear... If I EVER see that man from that SOO-called ' herbal medical' online or whatever the fuck that name was you blogged to... ID PUNCH HIM!!!

In my opinion... HE FUCKING BRAINWASHES PEOPLE!!! You thought you could take care of YOURSELF on YOUR OWN!! The plan was for you and I to grow old and shriveled up together... Wasn't that your promise to me?? We were suppose to raise our girls TOGETHER!!!

I love you always and you can't begine to see how this is FUCKING KILLING ME !!!
I love and miss you!!!!

Happy Daytona 500 day sweetheart!! I know your there in spirit!! You got the best seats ever sugar!!!

Happy valentines day, lovey.. Though it's a day late! I just wasn't feeling it yesterday. This weather hasn't helped ether! Got more snow yesterday but not much over night thank god!! Just really COLD !! It was negative 5 when I left out this morning for work..

I know you really didn't think much of valentines day but all those pictures and cards really made me sick. But the girls DID get me a box of chocolates ( even after they shoveled the drive way for me!:)

So anyway... I smiled! This is about all I can do now. I miss you desperately and just try to take comfort holding onto our loving memories through our years. It's all I have now!!
I love you and miss you honey!! TTYL

Hey love.... Just dropping by. Watch over me as I'm going to work this weekend ok?? Supose to get MORE snow !! And it's going to be COLD on Sunday!!

Can't take much more of this god-forsaken winter for sure!! I'm doing my best and it's all I can do!!! I cried going through stuff in the office!! I miss you honey!!!!!!! Love you always!! 

Well today turned out good for me babe but I miss you desperately!! April and teesha surprised me with a cake and balloon at lunch! It was very sweet if them!!! Uncle Richy came by too! Don't think you'd be happy with the state he was in though...

He was drinking as usual and Shawn saw him from next door and helped him inside. Well.. He kept falling in the snow until someone driving by stopped and we helped him into his house! How many times you told him NOT to come here in that shape! I know you'd have been pissed!!!!
Well, it's getting late... Just want to say " I love you and miss you every day!!! "

Hey babe!! Well, it's the 9th... I'm going to miss your coming up to bed after midnight, crawling in beside me, giving me a kiss and wispering " happy birthday!" I know you were one who just didn't go all out for these things but you always wanted me to have a good day!!! It's not much to celebrate without you!! I got myself something special from Kay jewelers!

Got taxes done last night. We got our chunk of change as usual!! Lol Barb did something quite nice.. The filing was free of charge for me this year!!:) it wasn't nesassary but hey, like you always said babe.. " if it's free it's for me!!"

Hi dad,sorry I haven't been on.im obsessed with Michael Jackson for some reason I wonder how ur doing up in heaven, probably make kg a race car track with Dale Earnhardt Sr. Idk I'm bored I can do the moon walk its not hard

I just stop , to say, I love you.. I just stop, to say how much I care... I just stop , to say I love you!!... And I mean it from the bottom if my heart!!❤️ Lol. How I loved you calling my phone randomly on an afternoon and singing " I just called to say I love you!" So, here I am posting it randomly this afternoon to you!! Love and miss you baby!!!❤️❤️

Honey... What did you do with your toll receipts from last season?? Doing taxes Wednesday night! Lol love and miss you every day!!!

Just me again babe.. Sorry got called away yesterday. Wanted to tell you Hannah got a point and half HIGHER GPA on her report card!!!! Proud of our girl!!!!!!!:) Drea's will come in tomorow or weekend. She's nervous about it. But her progress report in December was ok with a few exceptions. Of course... Math again! You know how she struggles with it! Anyway... The school said that the conferences at this point were rely only ment for students who are having a problem with the year thus far. We didn't get a call to come in so... Taking that as a good sign for her report card! I'm going easy on her this time around though. The kids been through a lot since god toke you home from us! So, see how she did... Then get her back on track next time. They both want to do good and get into good schools later. Love and miss the shit outta you baby!

Hi honey! I'm at work hiding in my spot crying for you again! Like I said... I do at least once a day!! I wake up still in the middle of the night and the dark silence that greets me without you beside me in our bed..I hate it!!!!!! The only comfort from that is when I fall asleep again, clutching your pillow!:(
Well... Picked up the car last night!!:) I really hope you like my choice! I feel the deal was good a and the warrenty was good to. I felt the one thing immediately you'd want for me was a good/safe ride. You always wanted that! You did your best on our cars! But now I must get used to a mechanic or dealership doing it!!

Saw Drea's post... I'm glad she is opening up. She loves and misses you too babe, as we all do. Well... Today I did it. I found an 08' Chevey impala! It's got 60 on the engine ( the lowest I've seen on newer cars! Go figure!) I pick it up Monday! Kevin and mr. O'Niel played around to get the light off on the Buick.. With no luck. I said. " screw it!" No more money into it. The salesman at town said the mechanic shoulda told me to get newer car.... Of course!!!! Hope I did the rite thing babe. You aren't here to fix our cars anymore and I don't know what else to do!!! Got a pretty good warrenty to that can be used at mr. O Niels should anything go wrong! SOOO.... That will be off my plate of worry now !!

Continuing on my day here ..... Went to a support group today . Just gotta talk to people! All nice and supportive. Widows and
Widowers. I had to wonder if you would go to seething like that If you were here alone! Anyway... Some new like me: some a
Decade widowed. Stories very. But we are all in a common place of pain! I'm trying to carry on baby I really am... But I don't know how!!!! I'm learning life over again!!!! I miss
You soo!!! Love you babe!!

Hi babe... Been a few days. I plant a kiss last few mornings on your Hern before leaving out for work. God, I'm empty baby! I awoke at 3 this morning and the emptiness was silent but defining! You aren't beside me!!! Your arms around me!! I'm afraid of my loneliness now too! I'll never be the same!
Girlies are ok... Drea still busy with cheer and Hannah in chess and dance. I'm to find out From mr. Cirillo if Saratoga tourney is happening or not. If not enough going than he is going to cancel his reservations. If enough are going... I'll take her. She really wants to go. Drea said last night she wants to go to that Mexican restaurant we had lunch last year. Told her my infamous response to things requested " well see !" Lol
I love you and miss you much babe!! I'm being good!! I'd love to be with you ... If only I could! Hey, that's a song right! Lol I know it's YOU who'd say " love to be with you.. If only I could." But I feel you at times anyhow. Just know we love you!!!!

hi dad,its been a rough week.grades,emotions and just everything.i did good at the game and i had a good day today i guess ,but probably was because i was loaded in caffeine lol.i think about our memories periodically....no pretty much all the time haha.but its late and mias practically sitting on me lol just wanted to say goodnight and i love you

Drea just brought it to my attention... It's one month today babe. She isn't ok ... Nether am I or Hannah. We're broken!! Just when I think there ok. They aren't! I dropped Hannah off at nick and Hollys as it's Katy's birthday. I come home and find Drea in tears!! It was then she told me the date. We'll be in counseling soon. I know how you felt about those things but we need it. I love you!!!!

Hi babe!! Just saying I love and miss you this morning!! Taking care of a lot and I'm going back to work Tuesday. It will be tough getting back into my routine. But I have to. Kids are ok, and back at their stuff. Hannah has a chess tourney tomorow. She'll do you proud I'm sure!! Drea is going strong in cheer but I think she was a little overwhelmed this week. Her mid-terms are coming up end of month too. We've had a lot of support, and everyone is just ill with grief and disbelief over you!!! Last nite, Elenore at the dance studio was almost in tears! It was the first she heard! Haven't seen much of Don and Billy next door. But there having a rough time now too. So is Brian in back of us. And Mark WAS going to come down and go through your Saturn... Couldn't find it in him to do it now. Jeff and Anna said no rush though.
I love, miss you , and cry everyday honey!!! Still not sure how I'll manage, but I'm really trying for you! Our girls need me and I know this!! Youd want me strong for them. If shoe was on the opposit foot, I'd want you strong for them too!! I'll do you proud babe!! I love you!!!!❤️❤️

Just watched one of our fave movies " breakfast club"! Lol I always remembered us knowing the lines word for word! Specially you! Lmao I think of us back in HIgh school.. Me the prissy princess; you the non-conformist ' criminal'! Though you dressed more like the brainy one back then with your sweaters!!:) you always had the look! It's what drew me to you from day one! You were my dad's nightmare, but my mom loved you!! ( well, both of them did. Though at the beginning, no one was good enough in my dad's eyes! Lol) anyway... Our movies and funny stuff on TV has gotten me through lately. In my ' comfort zone'. Just getting through each day is a challenge now!
Love and miss you babe!!

Hey babe.. We got snow! About 4-5 inches not a lot in comparison to other times! Neighbor across the street ran snow blower on the driveway and I shoveled the rest. Doing good with that, seeing as how I don't know how to operate the blower! Lol kids are holding up but miss you like crazy as do I!! I just cry every day!! I miss falling asleep curled up in each other's arms on these damn cold nights!! Still don't know how I'll manage without you love! I love and miss you honey!! ❤️❤️

hi dad,just wanted to say i love u today(but always:))and today as mom mentioned she took down the tree decs today and i helped her carry it out...it was kinda hard but i guess she cut some little branches and stuff for me and hannah since hannah said she wanted to write a note and attach it to one if the branches and put it in a fire this summer so that the smoke carries the message up:) i thought it was unique in a way but todays been okay i guess.we might get some "freak storm" or whatever people r exhagerating about this time lol probly only few inches of snow and ive been wanting that for a while since nov storm haha that was a hell of a storm.for 2 days we shoveled and dragged the snow on the sled that was fun for some reason.gotta remember that shoveling technique thing u showed me;) but love u and miss u always

Night time is worse part of day!! I miss you! I just font know how I'll manage without you!! The kids miss you too! That post from Hannah a while ago made me soo sad. Today I toke down the tree ornaments and lights. I saw our first ornament and just sat and cried!!!! I love and miss you with all my heart!!!!!!!!!!

drea is puffed up in her cheeks like a chipmunk! lol you would have cracked up with what she was saying after coming out of the anesthetic. WOW they gave her good stuff for sure! she was brave and did good though. i know you were there in spirit honey. Its back to business as usual for the girlies tomorow as school begins again. Im really trying my love, to keep things going for us, as i know youd want only that. but its hard!! i love you babe, and I'll talk to you later on!!

hi dada,ive been a little lazy lately haha but i finally got a chance today to do this.ive had a lot of memories with you especially when we went camping and skiing or even just showing me what you were working on in the garage.i remember one time it was about 2am few years back and you came in my room asking if i wanted a chilli dog then we walked down south park to that texas hots restaurant.we sat at the bar and made fun of some jersey shore episode that was on.it was a good chilli cheese dog lol.anyway u taught me alot about thingsand it didnt have to be what u liked either(mining,mechanics,politics etc.).you were very smart and knew your stuff:) thank you for giving me a childhood worth cherishing.love and miss you very much
-Drea

Happy new year daddy!! Wow 2014 was probably the best and the worst year of my life.that morning I was speechless when mom said he is in a better place now.woest experience of my entire life! Daddy always said "I love ur hugs after work" because everyday after school he gets home from work and and he would be on his laptop like he always is and I would walk up behind him and hug him.hope ur having fun up there❤️

Happy new year love. Wish you were here to rap my arms around and kiss st midnite as we always did. I'll go outside and blow up a kiss to you so get it soon, k?? Love and miss you for all eternity babe !!!!❤️❤️❤️

I put stuff up and locked the garage and mark will come down in a week or two. Go through your Saturn to see what needs to go back to the company. I'm trying to keep my head about me honey, I truely am!! I'm just lost without you!!! Drea will be on here... Think she just can't find words now. She loves and misses you though. So does Hannah. We walked Sheba last nite and a few nites before. She's lost too now. Sleeping at the foot of our bed... My protector now! Lol I love you Paul Jon!! Ttyl❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The phone call so early in the morning I knew was bad news and was so saddened to have to pick it up as if that would have changed anything!
We are all so dog gone sorry that Paul's journey here is finished. We enjoyed him and his company and are grateful for the time spent with him. When I found him and Shawne up in his office just shooting the breeze about his Elvis poster and everything else under the sun my heart was warmed by the sheer ease it was for them to BE!
Shawne, Shawne James, Joey and Ian liked him alot and of course Shana and I as well but you know how the "boys" are lol

Hannah, I am glad you created this site and it is nice to read about all your dad did with you, he sure was a down to earth guy who loved his girls and wanted to enjoy the moments he had here and by the sounds of it he embraced those moments with you, your sister and mom and everyone else who came into his world.

Our prayers of peace love and understanding go out to you each and every day Annmarie, Hannah and Dreah. :-(

I will miss getting to know Paul more....our first meeting was like seeing an old friend we talked about gardening and how much he loved my sister and their girls.....I will hold onto those memories...Paul you will be missed until we meet again

I don't know wat to do with my life anymore you were my everything who will take me gold mining on my birthday (Ida if don't find anything just the memory) who will plant a garden with me?who will drive us to the glen?who will I walk the dog with at night?who will play monopoly with meat night to get mama angry?(lol) I miss you sooooooo much I will see you again sometime (I hope)
Love you❤️❤️❤️❤️

Merry Christmas Paul! There goes that beautiful music on your Memorial page, that Scooter put on Billy's! Makes tears run down my cheeks, LOL. I cannot believe you are gone and Writing on your Memorial Page. I read all the tributes, and they brought tears to my eyes. One big regret I have is I never made it to New York to actually meet you in person, but I have known you since you and Scooter started dating and have always had great respect for you.  Billy had great admiration for you and was so happy Scooter had you in her life. I am going to make it to New York to see Scooter again and actually meet your beautiful girls. I cannot begin to tell you how saddened I was at your passing. I am leaving a flower on your Memorial page, because I already lit a candle for you, by adding a picture of you and the family on my family Memorial Table! Yes, you are family to me, as is Scooter and the Girls! Of course, you will always watch over Scooter and the Girls. I asked Billy to do the same, but know he already has been. Take care up there. Much Love Paul,