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February 27, 2013

Whenever I see something like this, I know you are still with me and it makes me smile.

December 31, 2012

A cardinal stopped on the hood of my car today while I was sitting at a stoplight.  Thanks for saying hi.  It made my day.

Amana is going to be hard without you.

September 24, 2012

Another week goes by, and I still have dreams where I see your joyful eyes and smiling face. You have that mischievous expression that always says you know something no one else does. As if you're privy to some secret; like you have a VIP pass to everyone's secrets and fears, yet you never judge and are never trigger-happy with unsolicited advice. You always know what needs to be said and when it needs to be said. Your wisdom and brevity makes your words all the more poignant, as they always have been, and there is still comfort in that. I can still picture the way you laugh- the way you tuck in your chin and make that little "pppff" noise before you have a good chuckle. I miss your to-the-point style and your earnestness.


You still give me confidence, and I still see you in the bravery of your children, your siblings, your parents, and your nieces and nephews. I sincerely hope that you had at least some knowledge of how much you were loved. I feel as though it may be impossible for one person to realize the scope of influence they have on those who love them, and it may be too late to tell you that your influence was immense, but you must forgive me if I try.


You taught me that wonderful things come in simple packages, and that happiness doesn't come from perfection but satisfaction in the simple things. I used to envy your perfect life. You told me that it wasn't perfect, but I found it hard to believe you because you seemed to have everything I ever wanted. A home of your own, happy and healthy children, a husband who adored you... I always thought that's all a person could expect out of life in the best circumstances.


I did my best to emulate you in the only way I knew how, but it turns out that my means brought me to an undesirable end. Then I grew up and remembered all the things you helped to teach me. I remembered when you said "Don't be a doormat", and I'm proud to say that I haven't been one since. I will forever miss you, and the way you never pitied me, and how you had expectations for me that I wanted to live up to.


My belief in the afterlife differs from most, but I do believe that energy never dies; it just takes different forms. Your energy will always live on within me and everyone who ever knew you.


 I will love and remember you always, and everyone I love in the future will love you as well. They will have no choice in the matter :)

August 8, 2012
I made a comment to my mom the other day about something that I'm not looking forward to doing. She said that you would say, "Megan, suck it up." She was totally right. I can hear you saying it right now. On a side note, I know you were watching, but the hospital's dedication ceremony was yesterday. It was beautiful. Just in case you didn't know, you were an inspiration to everyone that ever knew you. I'm honored to have had you as an Aunt.

I was just thinking...

August 7, 2012

I was just thinking about your laugh and about that time not too long ago when you called and asked me how Sierra should cook and eat a crab.  So funny!!!!

Look at Your Hubby's New Toy

July 20, 2012

I know that you have already seen it, but look what Andy bought!

July 7, 2012

I dreamnt last night that we were all in Amana. The band was playing and everyone was having a great time. Karen was attempting to get everyone to dance. You were sitting in front of me when you turned around and flashed the beer happy smile. I grabbed my camera to take a picture and promptly dropped it. It appeared to be drunk as well.  Lori Beth picked it up and I asked her to quick rewind so I can have that picture. Only then did I realize I was dreaming and only there will we all spend our weekend together from now on.

This year we will don our colors, wear our beads, drink way too much beer and pretend to know all the words to Ein Prosit as we raise our glasses and lip synch with the band. We will find our way to the brewery and take up residence on the dance floor.  When we do, could you tiptoe down from Heaven and dance for just a little while with us?


July 5, 2012


I have decided that I will no longer blame God when someone I love dies from cancer. Cancer cannot be the fault of a Loving God. It truly is a creation of Satan.  No loving God would ever allow such such pain and suffering.  I sat last night at my aunt's bedside holding her hand, stroking her cheek and hair, kissing her beautiful face and telling her how much I loved her as she continued to hold onto life. I counted her breaths knowing that with each lost one, she was a step closer to peace and one farther from us. I had to say goodbye and leave her before she left us, going where I could at last not follow. She was the older sister I longed for and I was always in her shadow. Just to stand in that shadow was a glorious place to be. My family is wounded, suffering a blow that can never truly heal. Our only solace is that when it is time for us to be together again, she will be there showing us the way in true Penny Knott style, holding that light telling us to follow.

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