God Bless you and your loved ones. I lost a son in Dec. of '87 at birth and I lost my oldest son "Nakoa" in Dec. 2012. Losing a child hits you with the most horrific pain you will ever feel in your lifetime. All I can tell you is hold on tight to your sanity because the pain will try everything to rip it away from you. I believe the pain is winning this time for me. Again, God Bless you!