MY SON
When my youngest son, Richard, was born we were so happy to have a little brother for our other son, Matt, who was 4 years old. We took pictures of Matt holding his baby brother in the hospital. We continued taking pictures of Richard to capture some of his childhood, so he could one day look back at these and remember all the simple things in life that became his childhood. I wrote milestones down in his baby book, so that one day when he had his own baby, he could reflect on what I wrote and maybe see similarities or answers to questions you’re sure to have with a first baby.
Richard will not see these pictures, ever again, to reflect back on his life because his life was cut short at only 20 years of age. One sunny spring afternoon, after finishing his shift at work, he was heading over to a friends house and never made it. He was struck head on by an under aged drunk driver that crossed over the center line traveling nearly 100 mph. I was still at work and so was his dad. My son Matt had attended a friend’s funeral that day. After we got home from work and had dinner, my husband went up to the store to get a pop. He was gone for some time. Later, I found out he had got a call from the friends that Richard never arrived to visit, because they thought it was his car they had seen. My husband went to the scene to see if it was Richard. They had already taken him to the hospital. This was the beginning of our nightmare.
I think of my son everyday. He is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last person I think about before going to sleep. I remember the good times we shared, like all the Christmas mornings and birthdays. He liked yellow birthday cake with no frosting. I always put frosting on it and he'd complain. The last cake I made for him, I left the frosting off. I remember his smile...it was contagious. He liked animals and after our dogs were gone, we didn't want anymore for a while. Well, Richard "rescued" a little black lab mix puppy and brought him home. I told him not to when I talked to him on the phone, but he said he had to try to find a home for him, because he was afraid they'd take him to the dog pound. I watched this puppy follow Rick around and he was so cute. I fell in love with the puppy and Richard named him Knight. For along time after Richard passed Knight would sit by the steps and wait for Richard to come upstairs. Ricks room was in the basement and Knight was afraid to go down stairs. Rick had to carry him to get him downstairs. That wasn't so easy as Knight grew.
I think of my son when I'm driving home from work. In fact, that was one of the hardest times for me. I thought about how that was all Richard was doing; leaving work for the day, that time of day when you want to kick back and relax until you do it again tomorrow. For Richard, he wouldn't have a tomorrow, in the way we all take for granted.
As time goes on, after reading and adding to this blog, I can say I still feel much the same. Some areas are a little easier, such as my drive home from work. We are blessed with a wonderful son and daughter-in-law that have blessed us with a beautiful granddaughter and soon a new grandson.
2.21.20 - It’s been over 5 years since I’ve added to this. As time goes on and the grandkids get bigger, it does get easier on a day to day basis. However, bad days and extreme sadness can hit anytime. The grief and broken heart will always be there. Happiness died the day my son did and it’s a struggle to have that true feeling of happiness. There are fun times and happy times, for that I’m thankful. I feel extremely blessed to have a son & daughter-in-law that I love very much and they make me so proud. Getting to spend time with my grandkids is priceless and times I will cherish forever!