Well daddy, since you asked, I'll leave you a message..
If I'm being honest, like you'd ask me to be, it's not easy hearing that voicemail and knowing that if I leave you a message, you'll never be able to return the call.
It's almost been two years, dad; two incredibly long, and drawn-out years, without you. You're on my mind today.. just like every other day, but more so today. Why? I'm not sure.. maybe it's because I dreamt of you last night.. I dreamt of you and I wanted to thank you for visiting me. Of course, dreams never last as long as we'd like them to. I never thought I'd be so thankful for something as minuscule as a dream, but I am. I got to see your smile, and hear your laugh.. two things that I've been missing for a very long time, now. I hope this means that wherever you are, you're smiling, and you're laughing.
I wanted to give you an update on my life, dad.. so, here goes:
Dominic and I bought our first house. I know that you'd love it.. and something about the process told me that you played a hand in the result. It's beautiful, but it needs some "character". So many times, I've gotten the idea to call you, and to ask of your advice.. I'm not sure why that happens, but it does.. it does, as if you're still here, as if you're still reachable. I know that you were good at this kind of stuff, so I hate that I can't pester you about "the right way of doing things". Luckily, all of those times that you nagged me into helping you with renovations around our homes payed off.. I absorbed most of what you taught me. Thank you, dad. Thank you for everything that you taught me. You were one of the most creative people that I have ever known.. you knew how to turn a house into a home, and I regret not being more thankful for everything that you did for Kamren and I. I hope you know how much everything that you did for us means to me, now.
I'm still in school.. still learning, and still trying to love every second of it. I might be on what seems like a slow train to nowhere, but I know that I will make you proud someday. Everything that you wanted me to do, I will do.. I will. I'll do it for you.. for Kamren, and for our mother.. for our family, dad. The three of you mean more to me than anything else in this world. Our memories--the good, the bad, the ugly--I cherish them all. I promise you, I will not let you down.. But, I need you to continue to share the strength that you were famous for with me.. At least for a little while longer.
I love you, daddy. I love you so much.