February 10, 2023
February 10, 2023
So 18 years now. I can't believe it has been so long since I heard your laugh, watched you crack some joke, change the radio channels in my car, help me do the dishes after the special Thanksgiving dinner I made. How when I think of the impact you had on my life, it makes me sad to miss you so much. When I fell apart at your funeral and couldn't get through the Bible reading at the podium and Tory had to finish it. I was a total mess. Never have I experienced a loss like that. Losing your brother is hard enough but then losing him to suicide is even worse. Everyone said, no Ronnie would never do that. But I know you did. I did all the research to find the answers so I could be sure of what happened. Everyone always trying to protect me but I had to know. I just had to. Every time this day comes it makes me hate this month. I have this wonderful Dog now (she is a Catahoula Leopard/Blue Tick Coonhound) that has a birthday on February 4th, and that day was nice as it was her first birthday. Even Valentine's day does not hold the same happiness it used to. I just am too irritable and sad to have much fun in February. I just miss you so much. It's really not fair that you left. You could have done so much, and lived so much, but you chose to end it because your pain was so unbearable. I'm so sorry you felt this way. I miss you, Ronnie. I always will.