Mom, I'll visit an NAACP exhibit at the Dayton Art Inst and enjoy Greek food today in your honor. I startwd to forgive you this year.

Mom, I WILL walk out of this hell-hole nursing home, where I've spent the last 3-1/2 YEARS totally bed-bound, flat on my back, my R side paralyzed. Just watch this:

https://youtube.com/@susanhinton9995

A SUPERB, privately-paid PT-- courtesy Dave-- is responsible after the PT dept HERE gave up on me.


"She who laffs last-- laffs BEST, ain't?

Mom.

It took me a LONG time, but I finally was able to forgive you for putting me in the middle when you died. I understand why, now-- you couldn't risk your exit plan being interfered with.

Happy birthday!

Missing you, Mom. I'm as old as you were when you moved to California; that cross country trip with you was the best. Best part was telling you that the noise we heard was the roof metal flexing if you went over 85 miles an hour with a full cargo rack on top of a Dodge Omni.

10 years... not possible. It's either one week or a thousand years, usually both. Way too soon, way too long.

Tom, I need to email w you ASAP.

I'm poolrunning@gmail.com

~S~

Thinking of you today, Mom. Imagining you reading in your chair on Milton, with Pax on your shoulders and those awful orange flower chairs. Still got the mirror. Planning on some ivy, in bottles around my kitchen window. Will look good next to your breadbox.

Thinking of you all week, leading up to today. Really miss talking to you. Just that. Just talking. Maybe I would cook up some crazy idea for us to do. Kayaking or poker?

Missing you so much this year. Realized I'm nearing the same age you were when you moved to California so I've been looking back, way back, to when I was Nick's age. So many years went by when I was in California; I regret the distance I created between us (in all senses of the word). Not enough visits, not enough phone time, I could have at least sent some fucking cards which I now most painfully realize you loved so much and I nearly ignored them. Finding examples like this in my mind, of inadequacies and mistakes. I chose being feral early on; this is one of the costs to that. Some would say autodidact, but feral is more accurate on this planet. With Nick having been so attentive to me all thru the same years of my life when I had been derelict to you, I wish I could now give you back that time and love. In my analytical view, I can argue that those last years together absolved the neglect in a sort of "prove your love" way, but in reality I missed out and in so doing deprived you of the respect you had earned. The depth of your grace continues to be revealed to me.

Realizing how much I become like you, which is good. Lofty even. Lately I'm stuck on what you would say whenever I would get hurt. "Save the pieces" was what I grew up using as a coping mechanism, and still do. Yeah, you're hurt, but okay, keep thinking, put it back together, look forward, make a plan. Just so much wisdom in that perfect attitude.
"Saving pieces" since 1956. Can't wait to explain it all to Nick, the wisdom passed on, if crudely.

Nick is in for a few days and we had a really long talk about you and the family while I was a child, looked at some pictures, too.
Also, I'm so happy Nick has developed your serenity, and your thoughtful approach to daily living and people. He is so kind, and fair, and his work will help thousands if not millions of people, and mostly that's why he works so hard. You would be so proud of him.

Had a nice day with Nick, we went thru some old boxes I saved up from Valmont and we just had a blast thinking of you and remembering the time and energy you gave us. We even found some notes on the cat calendar pages, funny stuff you made for Nick and memos of events, too. Pictures were few but precious.
You give me the strength I need.

I could go for a card tournament right about now, how 'bout you Mom? Get Carol to call everybody, at least you guys can play. Come to think of it, ask her if Johnny Bedford is up there and if he is tell her to remind him of the Boston she and I ran on him in Madison. First deal, even. I remember when you taught me what card sense was, too.

5 years... not possible. Got your breadbox on my kitchen counter and the cat magnet still falls off all the time. It has a little picture of you and Nick at Halloween when he was 6 years old, what a terrific grandma you were. I appreciate it more and more as time passes.

Thinking of you and missing you. Been looking thru old photos, planning to do more with Nick on his next visit. We both miss you very much.

Changes are in the wind, Mom. I become more like you every day.

You would be so proud of Nick, your legacy continues in him, but I don't know how you were so laid back as a parent when I went thru changes. I know I'm supposed to let him work things out on his own but I need to borrow your attitude in order to do that.

Heavy on my mind, heavy on my heart. I'm leaning on you today.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

I just get up in the morning and try to climb the mountain every day, like you did so well. You inspire me, I admire you.

Your anniversary's almost upon us. I know your strength will run in our veins as we mark the day. BTW I paid that debt you owed.

I think about you every day Mom, and I always will.

I miss you Mom. Every day. I need your strength.

News of a memorial service held 09/05/12, is posted in the Stories tab.