♥♥♥♥♥    When All You Have Left Are Memories   ♥♥♥♥♥

 I opened my dresser drawer today
Way in the back were knitted cowboy boots
Grandma Wartell gave them to baby Tommy, and when they  became too small, I put a ribbon through them and  hung them on the Christmas tree.

He’s four and a half and does not know his alphabet!  I know he is  smart. What is going on?  I bought him a dinosaur book. A is for Apatosaurus, B is for Brontosaurus, C is for Cephalopod.  He learned  his ABC’s in two days.
  I do remember that he approached his entire  educational career that way.  If he was interested, and/or motivated he learned quickly. If not, the information wasn't worth learning.

   If you knew Tommy you know that he did not have a stellar academic career. But I wanted to share the following information with you. 

 1999 Illinois Goal Assessment Program:  I have never been prouder of Tommy, or  angrier at Naperville Central High School.  Tommy was abused for being gay in high school.  I am not using that word lightly.   His teachers knew how intelligent he was because they would tell me. But no one would figure out how to evaluate him differently, also they did not protect him from bullies. Well, these tests showed them my son’s intelligence, and how they all failed him.

. SOCIAL SCIENCE: student 363/ School 315. 
Notable score:Tommy, GEOGRAPHY 100% /school 78%
How can someone get 100% in any standardized test?  What a kid.

 His test scores brought glory to his high school.
 His high school brought shame and and sorrow to him.

SCIENCE: 420/ school 310.
There are many more, and they are all impressive.
So, if you know a “Tommy” make sure you fight for them. We did our best. After frequent meetings and struggles to help, Tommy did Graduate and we are very proud of him for that.
LOVE, MAMA
 

Its my second mother's day without my son. Each and every day I picture him.  He is sitting sideways on Tom's big brown chair. He is sleeping. Eyes close, peaceful. Jerry is screaming for Tom.  As I come close I touch him and feel how cold he is. Sleep apnea and an enlarged heart took him to heaven as he slept.  He had been gone for four hours before we even knew he had a problem. He had a great summer. Jerry and he had a great birthday weekend Aug. 5th, at Boys Town, and the Conservatory.  Here it was Aug. 27th, there were no bipolar episodes, Tom had a good summer, how could he be gone? Each and everyday, I still ask that question. How can my funny, intelligent, loving son be gone?  Please hold your babies close today on Mothers Day.  No matter how old they are, they will always be a part of you.  Please remember my Tommy.  My knowing that you think of him makes it easier for me.  I know I am not on this journey alone.  We can all hold him in memory, and tell him we love him.
  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE

When Tommy was five for no understandable reason he began to talk like a baby. It drove me nuts. (ahhhh, there's the reason!) No matter what I did this continued for months. It was time to for his Kindergarden evaluation. One of the tests was rhyming, so we rhymed like our lives depended on it, and he sure got that concept. My fear, of course, was that he would talk in that obnoxious baby voice. "Tommy, if you talk in your normal voice I will buy you one of those little dinosaurs you really like" (1.50). Now, the embarrasing part. I had to to ask the tester if Tommy used a normal voice.  She said quizzically," he talked like a five year old." Off to buy the baby dinosaur.

                   
If you were at Tommy’s funeral you may remember Christine.  She gave one of the eulogys.   She and Tommy met in high school and had so many adventures together.  They loved to laugh.  He called her Teenie, and so do we.  As one of Tommy’s dearest friends she became like family.  We were honored to be invited to her wedding.  Katie and Aaron were there too.

    Tommy was excited when he learned that Christine was getting married. He had every intention of helping her pick out flowers for her wedding.  There was one problem.  Christine did not plan on having flowers!  Well, our horticulturalist could not tolerate this.  It was not acceptable, and there WOULD be flowers.  God had other plans.

     So Tommy could be at the wedding in a special way, Katie and I took Christine to a local florist.  She chose a beautiful bouquet and a nice buttonaire for Marty, her husband.  The girls looked around the shop and I paid. This was Tommy’s gift.

      The flowers were delivered.  She placed them in a vase.  Her mother-in-law said, “Look, there’s a BUTTERFLY!”  In awe, Christine said, " Hi Tommy!" Even in heaven he was able to connect with nature, and to be with his dear friend on her special day.

The Five Toms

 Everyone in my immediate family is named Tom.  My father is Thomas James Donlon Sr (Tom#1). His father’s name was James. He was a Chicago fireman, and sadly died in a fire..
 Tom #2. When my brother was born he was named for our father Thomas James Donlon Jr.

  In 1976, I, Peggy Donlon married a guy named TOM. My Aunt Marge met him at Tom and Mary Ellen’s wedding.  She said that we could not have another Tom.  From that moment on, she called him Ralph.  Of course, we loved her for it.

    Tom #3 is a Wartell.  My husband: Thomas Edward Wartell.  The Edward comes from his mother Eleanor’s brother. But the way he was named Thomas is delightful!  His five year old sister, Kathy had an imaginary friend who lived under the sink. His name was TOMMY.  Eleanor decided to make her dream come true.  If this baby was a boy, his name would be Tom. They really did not think that he would be a boy. This nephew joined 17 nieces!

    Tom #4 is Thomas Bernard Donlon, often called T.D.(back in the day)  He was named after Grandpa Thomas Donlon and Grandpa Bernard Martensen (Mary Ellen’s father). 

    Tom #5 we asked my brother if it would be ok if we named our son Thomas also.  He agreed that it would be fine.  So, Thomas Henry Wartell was named.  Thomas for my father: Thomas Donlon, and Henry: for Tom’s Dad.  We often thought we should have named Tommy, Henry.  But, Grandpa Henry hated his name and asked his children never to name their children after him. Tommy seemed to like his name.  He added three more syllables: Paduano.  He was very proud of that.

                      THOMAS HENRY PADUANO WARTELL

At a family Christmas party, the noise and heat became a bit much.  I found a comfy chair in a secluded spot by a decorated tree near a huge window in a section of the hotel lobby..  It was snowing outside and this little quiet corner was relaxing.  Tommy walked by and I called him over,.  I asked if he needed a small moment.  He sat down next to me and said that he was feeling a bit stressed.  We simply held hands and watched the snow.  He said it felt so good to be just calmly enjoying the snow and tree lights while holding hands with someone who loved him whom he loved  back.  We smiled at each other when we were both refreshed, walked hand in hand back to the party.  Later, as he was leaving, we hugged and we both whispered our love and agreed that this Christmas party held a very special memory for both of us. I can still feel his hand in mine.  I always will.

I remember sitting next to Tommy on a couch in our Bolingbrook home.  He was little -- maybe 3.  I heard a helicopter approaching, and as it overflew the neighborhood I asked, "What is that, Tommy?"  He paused for a few moments, and replied, "Space Aliens."  What a kid!

I remember Tommy's first comedy performance. We had just moved into the house in Bolingbrook. We had some Aurora airport folks and air traffic controllers over, and we noticed our 2 year old toddler had plopped down on his well-padded diapered bottom. The first time may have been a mistake, but Tommy would take a few steps and plop down on purpose, much to the amusement of our guests. It was "plop," group laughter, a few steps, then "plop" more laughter, repeat.
How about that? Working a crowd before he could talk!

             When I think about my time with Tommy growing up, I always remember his love of video games. Though I was not as talented as he was, we played video games together since we were very young.  I always counted on Tommy to get me through the more difficult levels.
             One of the games we were most excited to get was Super Mario Brothers 3. We were fortunate to have found a video store that had the Japanese version in stock. We got to play it before many other American kids. We of course could not read the Japanese words, but we were just happy to play it. When Tommy was in second grade, Mom told him that if he got straight A's that she would buy him Super Mario 3. Up until that point he had only shown us that he could get B's and C's. Much to all of our surprise, he got straight A's! Tommy and I were so excited that we did what I call the "Balki" dance from the TV show Perfect Strangers.
            Over the years, Tommy and I spent countless hours together playing different video games. Early classics included Balloon Fight, California Games and Marble Madness. Later we played Kirby's dreamcourse,Rock and Roll Racing,Jak and Dexter and our favorite Conker's Bad Fur day. I wouldn't trade any of that time with my brother for anything in the world. I was so blessed that we had something fun that we could do together.
             As I enjoy some of the games now, I find that the 2 player games we enjoyed together aren't nearly as much fun. No one can ever take my brother's place in any capacity.By the way, I am stuck on Jak and Dexter. I really wish my baby brother was here to help me out. : )

When we first toured our house with the realtor, we were all impressed with the beautiful view from the kitchen. Picture windows took up most of the wall. and the DuPage river, flowed just beyond the back yard, . Birds were singing and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves of a virtual forest of trees. If you didn't know it, you'd think you were at a cabin in Wisconsin.
Then, a white Egret flew in, waded across the shallow backwater, and walked right up onto the lawn. I later joked that it was like God smacking me in the head, saying, "This is the house!"
Since then, the Wartells have viewed egrets as beautiful gifts from Nature, and very good luck. The Summer of 2014 the Egrets have been pretty scarce. We would see one every couple of weeks.
But in the month since he died we have been visited by an Egret every day. Every Day! Peg and I are convinced this is Tommy's way of saying "Hello."
And this Summer of 2015, almost a year later, the beautiful birds still visit