Trista, I miss you so very much every single day. Sometimes I can just feel your presence around me and I am so thankful for those moments. A couple days ago you didn't just give me a moment. You gave me an entire Trista Magic Day. That is what I called it and what I will always remember it as. Starting early in the day there were Butterflies. Big Beautiful Butterflies. I've never seen so many Butterflies, one right after another. All day long. Some stopped and rested long enough for me to get pictures.

I'm so glad Grandma was here to experience this day with me. First, because I think it was awesome for her to get to experience too. Second, because whenever I share this story I will have a witness that it really did happen!

The butterflies continued all afternoon. At one point there was a little lavender butterly dancing all around me. I remembered the afternoon that Dani and Aunt Stephanie were here and there was one just like it. One of us said, "I wonder if that is from Trista." Just then the little butterfly landed on Dani's toe and we said, "Yep! That's from Trista!" So as this little butterfly danced around me I got up and walked around. It followed. So I said, "Ok, Little One, if you are from Trista, come land on my toe like you did for Dani." As soon as the words were out of my mouth the little butterfly fluttered down and landed on my toe! I stood as still as I could so it wouldn't be scared away. 

Twice as I was reading my book I would feel the need to look up and there was a little fawn watching me from the field. I would look up and it would be gone. Just to be back in the same spot awhile later, just watching me again.   

I called Aunt Stephanie to share the butterfly story with her and Dani. A little while later she called me back to share with me Dani's story of one of the songs from your services being played at the pool at a perfect time.

Then Uncle Shane called me. I started telling him about the Butterflies and the fawn and he told me about a little fawn he saw that day too. It just stopped right in front of him and looked him in the eye before jumping across the street into the woods. He said he had thought it was odd because the little fawn was all alone and he's never seen that before.  

 Later, Grandma and I were on the deck reading. I was distracted, thinking of all the magic of the day and I looked up in time to see a small rainbow. It wasn't a complete arch. Just a small rainbow from one cloud to another. I called to Grandma to come see and she got there just in time because it soon just faded away. A little while later, still sensing your love all around me, I looked up in time to see a heart shaped cloud float by. 

It really was a Trista Magic Day. I love you so much, My Beautiful Girl.       

I saw this quote and it really told how I feel. I miss you so, Trista. You are also missing from me. A huge peice of my heart is gone, a huge peice of my life. My baby girl, my beautiful daughter, my best friend. I don't know how to go on without you here. I will because your brothers need me and because I know you want me to. I will never be the same person I was, though. My heart is shattered. I love you, Trista Mae.

One whisper, one kiss, one memory, and she will be missed.
One laugh, one sigh, one moment, and we start to cry.
One thought, one glance, one tragedy, and one less romance.
One love whom we no longer see, one love who will always be with me.
One heart which holds it all, one girl who trumped it all.

My little angel, lying deep in my heart. 
My little angel, whom I loved from the start.
My little angel, who's laugh I still hear.
My little angel, will always be near.

My little angel, spreading her wings. 
My little angel, I hope, still sings. 
My little angel, lays down to sleep.
My little angel, who's memory, I will always keep.

"Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow."
 
 Trista loved Aiden so much. I remember when I'd come to her house we always spent A LOT of time playing with Aiden. He was her pride and joy. <3  

I'm in Cleveland this holiday. I always tried to get you to come down here, since seventh grade , but something always came up. One time we had it all planned for you to come and I called you in the morning to make sure things were ready but you said "I can't go. i'm in the hospital. My moms having her baby." I was disappointed but later I was introduced to Aiden and all of our babysitting memories were born. You always fought me to rock Aiden to sleep, but you would always let me eventually, then he got older and it was back in the backyard playing with him. I would run around with him and you would swing. I love you, Tris, I'll never forget you.

Yesterday was the Fourth of July. It was a rainy grey day. The weather outside matched my feelings. I miss you so terribly. The rain let up for a while so we all went to your site. Scott, Grandma, Aunt Steph, Jay, Katrina, Dani, and Micah were all there. We lit sparklers for you. We wrote love notes in the air to you. You loved summer so much. Later on we lit the candles in your garden. They stayed lit even in the rain. My Summer Solstice Girl, I love you.

I've thought and thought about how special Trista actually was. All of Trista's friends, since I've known her, truly needed a friend. For instance, before I met Trista I had no friends at school, no reason to be excited to go and I was home every weekend. After I met Trista I I knew what it was like to have a friend, to be a friend, and I looked forward to school and the weekends. She brought happiness into my life and the lives of others. I believe everyone else she was friends with needed her just as much. She saved people and put others before herself, if that's not an angel then I don't know what is.

The Cord

We are connected, My child and I,

by An invisible cord Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord That connects us 'til birth

This cord can't been seen By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work Right from the start.

It binds us together Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there Though no one can see

The invisible cord From my child to me.

The strength of this cord Is hard to describe.

It can't be destroyed It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord Man could create.

  It withstands the test Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone, Though you're not here with me,

The cord is still there But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart I am bruised...I am sore,

But this cord is my lifeline As never before.

I am thankful that God Connects us this way. 

A mother and child Death can't take it away!


Author Unknown  

I first met Trista in seventh graade. She acted and looked different from anyone i had ever met.  At first I watched from a distance waiting for an oppertunity to talk to her as everyone else was curious as well. Soon came a computer class we shared and as it was the only empty computer, was the one right next to me. My chance had finally arrived to talk to this uniquie girl and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Your nose is so tiny and wiered,in a cool way." She laughed and did what she called a "trick"  and sucked her nostrils right up to her septum and then we both started laughing, at that moment I knew we would be best friends. As everyone else got used to this strange girl I grew more and more fansinated by what she did and why. By the end of seventh grade year we had spent nearly every weekend, holiday, and some after school days together. When she moved I was devistated to say the least, here came my best friend and after one year she changed school, but we still made sure we saw each other at least every other weekend. We were family, and i could have never asked for a better best friend. We never grew apart in all those years, in fact we grew so much closer. I'll always remember our late night and early morning texts, phone calls, and when i was at my grandma's, skype. Even if I can't see you, i know you're here, and know no matter what, you are and always will be, my best friend.    

On your Birthday your friends and family that were able to be here all lit a candle and placed it in your garden. We all stood silently, each of us connecting to you in our own way. We all love you so much, Beautiful Girl.

We planted a garden for you. The flowers all came from friends and family. Your friends brought flowers to plant on your birthday. Everyone of them told me how they spent so much time picking the perfect flower. Your garden is beautiful and much more full than this picture now that we have all the flowers planted. I will post an updated picture soon. I love you, Sis. I miss you.

on the car ride back from a camping trip with the family me and trista packed the car so it would be comfotable when we would ride back. it was pretty comfortable at first. we were able to have room to lie down and listen to fallout boy and then we turned and everything we had piled up crashed ontop of us. so we restacked everything again an tried to nap then it happened again and we were too lazy to fix it this time to we just lied there with the stuff on us. zak just laughed at us. lol

me and trista got off work one day and she found out that the family was going out to eat. me being part of the family joined them to olive garden. so first we arrive and sit down and she already knows what she wants. she said she wanted muscles and i had never had them before so she ordered them and ate most of them.Then after olive garden we went to Target. so on out way to target were singing in the back of the car to one direction then zak joins us and we begin to sing behind us for the people driving behind us to see. we got the weirdest looks haha and to make matters worse once we got to target trista wanted to try on so many thing while zak was talking as if he were gay so she made him carry her clothes and tried to ditch him because she said he was being obnoxious. It was hilarious will never forget it (pic below us in target trying on sunglasses)

As much as i sucked at texting I often texted trista. she was so funny It was just so perfect to text her. When i would show other people how funny she was in our texts they didnt agree. the joke was "Are you asian because you are making me japan" when i read it i died laughing but when others read it they said it didnt make sense. that was the thing though our humor was either not funny at all or didnt make sense therefore it was always funny.she also threatened me if i did not bring her cosmetic brownies...that girl was crauhzay haha

over the summer last year i worked as a life guard and didnt have much time to hangout with people so every chance i could i woukd hangout with trista but usually unannounced. so one day i go over and she told me she was grounded and i didnt know what else to do so i just sat under her tree and took pictures of her cat and sent them to her. she then asked her mom if i could comeover and her mom said of course. she then told me that the grounded rules do not apply to me... i am family lol

at the end of the street there was this little hill that when it rained would collect a bunch of water. so we were walking and saw this puddle, river thing and decided to swim in it. we had no bathing suits so we just took off our shirts and started swimming. It was just our luck that an old man happened to be driving by as we were swimming. we decided to narroratehis thought and made him 10x creepier than he really was. we continued to do that everywhere we went after that time haha

sophmore year me and trista were in a few of the same classes and would always be partners with eachother. so this one project we had was in Health class and it was about drunk driving. so we planned a day to work on it and we promised ourselves that we woud try uberly hard. yeahhh i came over that day and we had all the materials except chips, candy, coke, flaming hots, and netflix. so we spent 3 house doing nothing and 0 minutes putting pictures of cats and just bull crapping our project. when we had to present it people asked why we had so many cat pics on our board we said we just liked cats haha

Me and trista had decided that we were going to see a bunch of concerts and stuff over the summer and drive everywhere and in order to do that we needed money so we got a job. She didnt count it as a legit job because we were working for her parents but ehh it was money. so we started working and it all went well untill we were told that we needed to make phone calls. both of us hated it so she usually tried to make me do it and when i did i always got mean people but when she did it they either didnt answer or were super nice. she laughed so hard eveytime when it was done. working with that girl was the funniest and best thing ever haha

Me, Trista, And ashley often spent our days together and usually in those days we would go for walks because there was nothing better to do. So one night we decide to go on a walk and we walk behind the gynocologist to have a conversation and while standing and talking we hear a sniff. automatically trista grabbs ashley and throws her towards the noise instinctively. turned out it was a creepy deer but we all laughed because ashley was the sacrafice and when ashley asked why he explanation was " I was watching supernatural and thought it might have been a werewolf or something, me and camara could have gotten away" That was so funny!

One day no one was in the house but me trista and aiden, aiden was napping so i decided i was going to pull a prank on trista. She was going to chech on aiden napping and there was a closet door in her hallway that i could hide in so me being me i did. I waited until i heard her footsteps passing by the door for me to open it and it smacked her square across her face. Its was the funniest thing ever and she kept telling me i want on the movie jack***. I contiued to prank her and scare her and she would always try to get me back but never did. :P

June 21st was your 18th Birthday and we had to celebrate without you. My heart is broken into a million pieces but I knew I had to do something special for you. Your friends and family came together here at our house. We all went to your site and read this poem:

Death is nothing at all

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I,  and you are you;
whatever we were to each other, that, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way which you always used,
put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.  

Henry Scott Holland 1847 -1918

I wanted to read it but knew I wouldn't be able so Dani read it for you. We sat at your site and talked and told stories. When we came back to the house I had cards here for everyone to write a special message for you. We stood around the campfire and each person dropped their card into the fire said "I love you". We let the smoke carry our messages to you. I thought about doing a balloon release but read that it might be harmful to animals and the environment. I knew if there was a chance of even one animal being harmed you wouldn't want that. What we did seemed much more "Trista". The girls all spent the night in tents to honor your desire for a birthday camp out. I really felt you with us that night so I'm sure you were there to witness what we did in your honor. I love you so much, Trista Mae. Love, Your Mom Forever

Kaila & Trista fight over a toy computer. We all three had so much time together. <3 

Trista, Kaila & I stopped into Nirvana to take a spin. <3 

Trista & I in the candy department. She's such a funny girl. I asked her to buy me some Skittles as a joke, but she purchused them anyway. She's such a sweetheart. 

Trista and I found this comouter and just had to play with it. We wanted to buy it so bad. <3 

This is when Trista and I discovered two cups with the names of our favorite band members from "All Time Low". <3 

Trista and I always went to Toys R Us. We were still kids at heart when we were 15. <3 This is Trista being her fun loving self. <3

Whenever Trista and I would go to the mall we always rode this kiddy ride. <3 

This is my 2nd edit of Trista. She certally shines. If there is a certain picture you'd like me to edit please do ask. Thanks! Hope you enjoy!

This was taken after a fun day at the mall with Trista & Kaila. I found a flower and put it in Trista's hair. She looked beautiful as always, so I made her look at the camera. :) 

One time while Trista, Kaila & I were at the mall we found a pink castle in Sears, I bealive it was. It was made for a child's room and of course we all wanted to go in it, but of course Trista hopped right in first! 

Both of them wanted to be the fairy, Trista was very annoyed that she had to be the troll. xD 

Trista and I always went to Toys R Us after we went to the mall. We actually had more fun there than the mall. I always miss those fun times with her when I see Toys R Us. 

This was the 1st edit I've made of Trista. Hope you enjoy it.

More pictures of the zombies swinging! 

This is when Trista, Kaila, Micah, Jessi, Dani and I dressed up like Zombies and ran around downtown. We had to stop and swing! 

Kaila and Trista always came to the mall with me. We were all three really close friends. Whenever I worked my shifts at Hot Topic they would always come in and say hi. I miss them both.

I got to spend my 15th birthday with her. I could only choose one friend and I chose her. She was my best friend. We went to Chuck E Cheeses and won a stuffed animal and some candy with our tickets. We named this little guy Cledus because we both loved Youtube sensations DesandNate. I still have him.  After we were done at Chuck E Cheeses we stopped by Taco Bell, wew were'nt THAT hungry but we loved Taco Bell so we felt like we had to take the oppertunity. It was a birthday I'l never forget! <3 

Trista didn't hesitate to start sending signs. One of the signs she sends me is through hummingbirds. The first time I saw one was about 2 weeks ago. I went to light the candles in her garden as I do every night. I stood in front of the garden talking to her and crying. I was missing her so desperately. I looked up and saw a little humming bird feeding on her lillies. It was dark except for the light of two tea light candles. Hummingbirds do not feed at night because they have terrible night vision. I know that was a sign from Trista that she is close by and with me when I need her. I have seen a hummingbird a couple of times since then and alway when I am feeling completely lost and desparate for her. I love you, Trista. I miss you so much.

Trista and Dani

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.

~Richard Bach~

I love you, Trista.