"Nothing seems to matter much, now that you've been gone.

The sun still goes up and down, the world still turns on.

But though the sun and moon come by, to kiss me through the air,

I miss the love and joy you gave, the laughs we used to share.

So send me stars and midnight lullabies , show me you're really there.

Ill draw you pictures, write you letters and tell you how much I care.

Shine bright through the night, you're all I ever see,

I'll draw your beauty the best I can the way you'd do for me.

So shine through the night, bring beauty to all.

My little angelic moon, please refuse to fall. "

I wrote this poem back in March but I think it's finally time to share it. Trista, I'll never understand why this happened, I'll never heal from this. I feel nothing but broken and the only person who can fix this feeling is you. I'd  give anything for a real goodbye, to see you again, to hear you again, to hug you, but I know that's not the way the world works. People seem to not see this pain, I've tried to bury it so deep, but I know you see me hurting.  I want you to know, you're the best friend I've ever had. I miss you, I miss you're presence, so wherever you are please come back to me. Come haunt my dreams again. Show me you're still with me because I can't do this alone. Help heal me, save me like you always did. Stop the heartache, Tris, show me you love me and you're still here, I'll look for your signs forever. I love you Trista, always and forever. 

Happy 19th birthday to my beautiful angel Trista Lindstrom ! I'll never forget the many memories we had together, and how we spent my 15th birthday going to Chuck E Cheeses. You were my very best friend in middle school and I'll never forget how sad I was to leave you behind when I switched schools. Even though it was harder to remain as close as we were in 8th grade, we were still friends. I wanted nothing more than to keep being friends with you. I miss you so much, and I wish we could have spent more time together in our high school years than the few times we spent during Freshmen year. I'll never forget spending study hall with you everyday working on math and laughing about the funny things you'd say. I still have the page from my 8th grade agenda where I wrote down all the funny things you said. It sits with your rose and picture on my bed side cart. Remember when I said I was going to make a book of your quotes? xD You were the sweetest and funniest girl I ever met, and I will always cherish every single memory we had together. From school to concerts, and the mall to Chuck E Cheeses.  I love you Trista Mae Lindstrom. 

Xander was born to Trista's cousin and one of her very best friends, Jessi. She was to be Xander's Godmother and she loved that little boy so much.

I remember when we were walking, and it was dark and I was scared

But you took my hand and you lead me

And I remember when that boy broke my heart, and I was devastated and I cried

But you took my hand and you lead me

And I remember when I was uncertain of whom I wanted to be, and things were strange, and I was confused

But you took my hand and you lead me

And I remember when we were so little and you moved away, and I was so lost, and I sat and cried the first time I had to be at grandmas without you

But you came back, and you took my hand and you lead me

And I know that you are happy now, I know that you are surrounded by love and beauty, and you deserve that more than any single person I know

And I think about you every single day

And sometimes it makes me cry, but sometimes my heart can feel full

Because I know that our love for each other is infinite, it will never fade, whether you are here or there

And I know that one day I will leave as you did, and things will be beautiful, and I will reach out

And you will take my hand and lead me

Everyday I think about Trista Lindstrom and I have a lot of great memories of her but there is one memory I think of that makes me laugh every time.  I was sitting at Grandma's house talking with Mom Minnetta Richardson, Shannon Lindstrom, and Grandma Evelyn M. Sprague sitting around the table.  Trista was playing outside and came walking in carrying a baby (A human baby lol) she says "Mom look what I found" and with a serious face Shannon turns around and says "well put it back where you found it" HAHA Then Shannon says "Most kids come home with a puppy or kitten and mine comes home with a real baby" We eventually found the mother and gave her, her lost baby back.  It was so funny I will never forgot little Trista trying to carry that big baby lol Leave it to Trista haha love this story.

Knowing how much Trista loves Halloween and how much we all are missing her so, some of her friends and family carved or painted their pumpkins to honor her this year. I made a collage of the pumpkins for Trista. This was such a sweet thing and really helped our hearts to know she was being remembered and honored. 

Trista Mae,

We all love and miss you so very much but I know you see and feel the love in all the ways we honor you. I miss you so much, Beautiful Girl, your smile, your hugs, your laugh, everything. 

Love, Mom        

I took some fall pictures of Aiden the other day. He wanted his picture taken with the scarecrow in our front yard. I remembered that I had an almost identical picture of Trista with the scarecrow we use to put out in front of our old house when she was little. Here are Trista and her baby brother, whom she absolutely adored and still watches over, side by side.

Tonight the boys and I lit candles in your garden. Aiden just loved seeing it all lit up. He said it looks like magic and that he knows you love it. I know you do to. I also put up your Nightmare Before Christmas display tonight. The holidays are going to be so hard without you. I'm doing my best to do things right for the boys and the way I know you would want me to. I miss you so much, Beautiful Girl. Stay close and let us know you're here. <3


Love, Mom  

Tris,

Your Brothers and I want to make sure we honor you this Halloween. It is so hard without you here. This is one way we keep you close. Last week Abby and I went and decorated your site. I found a Nightmare Before Christmas garden flag and an Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven garden flag. I just knew you would love them. Today Aiden and I spent some time at your site. Then we came home and decorated your garden for Halloween. I knew you'd love the big Hello Kitty! This week we are going to carve pumpkins and Aiden picked out a special one for us to do just for you. I miss you so much, Angel but I know you're with us.

Love, Mom    

I had a best friend who was gentle and kind.
I had a best friend who will always be mine.
I had a best friend who was taken away.
I had a best friend what else can I say?
She was funny and smart and loved me so,
Taken away for a reason I do not know.
She watches me now, high in the sky,
She whispers my name in the wind that rolls by.
She try's to talk, but doesn't know how,
I wish I could see and hug her right now.
I wish I had had a chance to say bye,
But one day I'll see her again up in the sky

Ashley Weyandt  

I blink a tear, I wipe it away.
I never dreamt you'd be gone someday.
We had all these plans we've yet to fulfill,
You've left me here lonely on the windowsill.
My side seems cold and bare without you here.
Losing you was always my greatest fear.
I thought you'd find someone new and leave me behind,
I should have known you were not that kind.
You left with no choice, too soon to be real
All I want is you back so I can relearn how to feel.

Ashley Weyandt  

A Poem from Grandma:
My Shiny Star
I looked up to the sky and saw the shiniest star
Is it near or is it far?
I reached up my hand
It couldn't be reached from here on this land...
I lay down on the grass and I closed my eyes
I reached up to the star and got an amazing surprise
The shiny star touched my hand
We danced and danced
And it was so grand
We laughed and we sang
We made future plans
When I closed my eyes
I had touched Trista's hand
So when I look to the sky
and find the shiny star
I realize the distance
Between Heaven and Earth
Is not that far
If someone you love
Has gone on before
Look for your shiny star
And it will open the door.

Evelyn Sprague (Grandma) 

Camara to Trista on facebook

October 7, 2013 

  My angel who admires from above, you are forever missed by many. your memories shall never fade even in the darkest times. some days are rough and others are manageable but in all you are there through out everyone one. Good times and bad. I love you darling so very much and now every time I think of you I cant help but cry. not because I'm sad but because It was a pleasure to accompany you in your life and without you, im not sure where I would be. I love you and cant wait to see you again. visit me in my dreams darling, im tired of all of my zombie, ghost dreams lol  -Luke

This song was posted by another Mom in the Grief Group I'm part of. They all have been my life line, Sis, because they know what it's like to not have their Beautiful Child here with them. When I heard it I thought it was so perfect. Halloween always has been your favorite ever since you were a little Girl. I remember all those Halloween parties for you and your friends. We did all the gross treats and grosser games. It was always so much fun. You never wanted to be the "Pretty Princess". For you, the scarier the better. When you were younger we always made your costumes together. You were a witch, different kinds of zombies, a vampire, Creepy Crawly Girl, and Wolf Girl to name a few. I remember when we went to the fabric store to pick out the "fur" for your Wolf Girl costume. Zak touched it and said, "Hey! That feels like Daddy!" You and I cracked up and so did the woman in front of us in line. Your Dad didn't think it was so funny. When you got a older and outgrew all of that, we still always overdecorated, carved pumpkins, and roasted pumpkin seeds. On Halloween Night after you'd get home from hanging out with friends, we would have a fire or light candles, read our tarot cards, tell spooky stories, and ALWAYS read Edgar Allan Poe's, The Raven. I know you're with Dad and Grandpa this Halloween but please please remember to come dance with us. I miss you so very very much.
Love, Your Mom Forever   

Here is the link to the song: 
http://youtu.be/lPOM0IUsd_0

When I die I don’t want to rest in peace
I want to dance in joy
I want to dance in the graveyards, the graveyards
And while I’m alive I don’t want to be alone
Mourning the ones who came before
I want to dance with them some more
Let’s dance in the graveyards
Gloria, like some other name we kept on calling ya
and waiting for change
But I belong to all of your mysteries
And all of us, we’re meant for the fire,
but we keep rising up and walking the wires
So when we go below don’t lose us in mourning
’Cause when I die I don’t want to rest in peace
I want to dance in joy I want to dance in the graveyards, the graveyards
And while I’m alive I don’t want to be alone
Mourning the ones who came before
I want to dance with them some more
Let’s dance in the graveyards
Oh my love, don’t cry when I’m gone
I will lift you up, the air in your lungs
And when you reach for me,
we’ll dance in the darkness
And we will walk beyond Our daughters and sons,
they will carry on Like when we were young,
and we will stand beside and breathe in their new life
’Cause when I die I don’t want to rest in peace
I want to dance in joy I want to dance in the graveyards, the graveyards
And while I’m alive I don’t want to be alone
Mourning the ones who came before
I want to dance with them some more
Let’s dance in the graveyards

I thought this song was perfect for the video I made for Trista because it spoke to me so much about who Trista was while she was here but it also spoke to me of how she touches me and others even now, in her new life.

As a little girl Tris was full of magic. She loved art, she was forever writing poems or making up songs. She started leaving her mark on the world at a very young age, literally. She wrote her name on everything including walls. Instead of making her stop, I bought her chalk to do this so I wouldn’t have to repaint the whole house if we moved. Now I wish I’d given her some spray paint.

She saw the world in a beautiful and different way. She was a breath of fresh air, my rainbow child. She chose to be colorful. She didn’t care if her clothes “matched”. She wore what made her feel good. At ten years old she asked if she could dye her hair orange. I told her to wait until she was 13. By then her color of choice was blue. She was beautiful. She went through a Punky Brewster stage and dressed just like her complete with leg warmers and a bandana around one leg. She was perfect.

She always said flowers were the Earth laughing. I love the way she looked at things. She was full of love but she was always a fighter too. After spending a day talking with Trista’s friends and family to get more of an idea of who Trista was, The pastor spoke of her at her services. He said, “In this world there are truth seekers and there are justice seekers. Trista was a justice seeker because in her heart she already knew her truth”.

Tris always stuck up for kids who were treated badly, picked on, or bullied. When she was 11 years old and discovered the horrors of the treatment of animals by places like big food companies and puppy mills she became a vegetarian. I remember one morning I opened my bathroom cupboard to get ready for the day and discovered almost all of my cosmetics labeled in red Sharpie marker: TESTED ON ANIMALS! DO NOT USE!. I explained to her that I really could not afford to throw it all out and replace it but I did promise her that when it was used up I would replace it with an animal friendly product.

Trista was fiercely protective of those she loved. All her friends say it was very hard to get Tris to “let you in” but once she did you were hers for life.  Someone joked once that Tris liked animals better than people. Her response was, “No, I like people just fine, love them even. I just can’t relate to most of them”.  I understood her completely.

Trista loved big. She was a person who took the world’s problems on herself, in big broad ways and in small ways. She was always there when someone needed her but was never above telling you what you should be doing and how you should be doing it if she thought you were causing harm to yourself or others even inadvertently.

When I heard this song I not only thought not only of the way Trista lived her life here but of the way she is touching me in her new life. I don’t feel like she’s ever very far away and sometimes I can touch upon all her new colors and wonders. I can still feel her magic.

I love you so very much, Trista Mae. You ARE Beautiful.

Link to Trista's video

 http://vimeo.com/74854767

Trista was always such an amazing child. She was the sweetest baby. As she grew and her personality really started to shine through, she never ceased to amaze me. She kept me on my toes with the questions she would ask. I remember when she was about four years old and was attending a vacation bible school program. She came home one day and asked me, “If God is all powerful, are we just like puppets for him? Can he make us do whatever he wants?” And so I began explaining what I knew about free will. Suddenly it hit me. I was trying to explain free will to a four year old. I did the best I could. Then she got thoughtful for a second and said, “free will kinda sounds like that movie Free Willy”. After all, she was only four. It was still pretty amazing that she even asked the question.

Dear Trista,

 Time doesn’t mean much anymore. I wonder if it’s a shared experience between our souls. They say time as we understand it doesn’t exist in heaven and I definitely don’t understand time anymore.

 A day can last a million years but yet it seems just yesterday I was dancing with you in the kitchen and you were laughing and asking, “Mom, are you tipsy?” I wasn’t. Just happy to be hanging out, cooking dinner with my Girl.

 It seems just yesterday, you jumped on my back for a piggy back ride because it wasn’t fair that only Aiden gets them and we both ended up on the ground laughing.

 It seems just yesterday you were born and my whole world changed. I knew absolute, true, unconditional love for the very first time in my life.

 I miss you. I miss you with my whole heart and soul. I miss everything about you. My sweet, sweet daughter… My best friend.

 I miss your smile, your laugh, and the smell of your hair when you would crawl up into my lap after I rocked Aiden to sleep and say it was your turn. You never outgrew being my baby girl.

 I miss our fights. We both have so much passion when we know we are right. They would always end with a hug and kiss though because I could never stay mad at you long or you me. We lived by the rule “Never go to bed angry”.

 I miss coming into your room before I go to bed and snuggling.

 I miss going to the store for one thing for me and coming home with ten things for you instead.

I miss our lunches out. I remember when we went to William’s and I ordered mussels. You thought it was the grossest thing you had ever seen. I made you try one and then I had to fight you for them. You always ordered them after that.

 I miss watching you with your little brother and seeing so much love that my heart just felt so full. I miss listening to you fight with your other brother knowing that I did the same with my brother and sister and that someday the two of you would be best friends.

 I still feel you and I know that you are close. I’m so thankful for all the ways you let me know you’re with me. I know you are better than okay and you are so full of love. When I feel you so very close I can feel that love and as your Mom I wonder at your new world. I would never hold you back in this one and I don’t want to hold you back now. I know our time together isn’t over. It’s just changed for now.  I know we’ve been together for at least a million years and we will be together for at least a million more.  But I won’t pretend I’m okay with that. I just want you back. I’m only human and I miss you.

 Love,

 Your Mom Forever

Trista and I decided to dress up and listen to gangsta rap and breakdance in the middle of the street, we then proceeded to go to the bank and harrass the people at the Dollar store parking lot. <3

This is when Trista and I went to Wapok to meet Jessi's beautiful little boy. The second we walked in the room Tristas eyes lit up and she had already decided she was never going to leave without her precious little god son. Trista also had me take lots of photos of her and the baby (which was super rare) she didnt care about her appearance at all. We took turns timing how long we each got to hold Xander, passing him back from one another. She was so natural with him, like she'd known him beyond years. It was so sweet seeing them interact and of course her motherly kindness was beyond precious. Trista's love for Alexander is so strong, such a beautiful photo of a beautiful memory. I am honored that Jessi made me Alexanders god mother now, I can't wait to tell stories to him about how much she loved him, loves him.

Trista and I spent a good majority of time lounging in her bed watching American dad or looking up Riff Raff vines on the internet. She liked pretending she was a blanket and would cling herself to me trying to keep me warm (plus she loves to snuggle)

For three years Trista and I spent our valentines day's just her and I. This was our first date. It consisted of her and I going to a fancy resturant and ordering a lovers chocolate cake and fed it to each other, you know being obnouxious and weird causing a scene in the middle of the resturant. After we walked over to the laundrymat because Tris was always so sensitive to the cold. We took turns giving each other basket rides throughout the building, dancing and climbing in the washers and dryers. 

Every time I go somewhere I always feel like you're still there to reply to my texts. I always want to tell you everything and I fear it might get harder as the year goes on. I still shed tears at night but not only for sorrows that your presence is gone but happiness that I was one of the few to experience your love and everthing you contributed to my life. Trista Lindstrom....you are my bestfriend and I can wait to see you again darling. xoxo Luke

Grandpa was Trista's favorite person and she was his little Buddy. She thought he hung the moon and I'm pretty sure he thought the same of her. I know in my heart that they are together. Grandpa would stop at nothing to look out for his Trista Mae.


Grandpa, Please take care of my little Girl for me and hold her tight until I see her again. <3
      

This has always been one of my favorite pictures of Trista and Abby. I'm not the only one.
 
From an e-mail from Abby's Mom

Trista and Dani spent so much time together at Nana at PaPa's when they were little. This is such a perfect summer picture of the two of them. They had just finished playing in the water. Dani in a frilly slip and Trista in a tutu.

little blonde girl so secretive and an adventure within itself
the shell was broken and a single ray of light
shines through all of my days
spending days sitting
watching tv, drinking cokes, and going on walks
little blonde girl with so much passion and
knowledge beyond her years
laughing at all of my jokes even when they weren't
funny little blonde girl, my friend wiped from the earth
and welcomed to the heavens
becoming an angel as she was on earth
tears are shed daily but the memories live within.
Never forgotten she said. Never forgotten she is
-camara cross RIP LOVE xoxo

In Memory of Trista Mae Lindstrom
June 21, 1995 to June 1, 2013


Blond hair, blue eyes,
the bluest blue of Summer Skies
My Summer Solstice Girl
I dreamed of you before you came
My Fairy Princess yet to be named
In my dream I saw your face...
You're pretty blue eyes reached deep to my soul

Before I woke Just one word you spoke
“Mommy”

Your came to me just like my dream
My beautiful baby so precious and sweet
Around three years old, you looked at me
I remembered your face and I knew

It was really you

I met you first, deep in my sleep
I should have known you weren’t mine to keep
My Sweet, Sweet Summer Angel

Too precious for this world

You changed the world while you were here
For those who love you
And you’re changing it still
For some you never knew

You left this world on Angel’s Wings
To soar so high and fly so free
You took away a part of me
But someday soon I know

I’ll hold you in my arms again
And we’ll fly together as free as the wind
Until then, My Sweet Spirit Child
Dance in heaven free and wild
Run barefoot through the fields of flowers
With a halo of daisies to wear
In your golden summer hair


Shannon Lindstrom

This poem is based on a dream I had before I even knew I was pregnant with Trista. I was in my bedroom at the house Tris grew up in for the most part. I realized there was a little girl in the room with me. She was beautiful with blond hair and blue eyes, probably about three years old. She looked at me and said, "Mommy". That was it. I don't know if I woke up then or if I just didn't remember any more than that. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I told everyone I was having a girl based on my dream. After that the dream was forgotten until one day when Tris was about three years old. We were in that same room. She called for me, "Mommy". I looked at her and suddenly it came back. It was her. It was the exact moment I had dreamed of. I knew for sure I had dreamed of her before I ever knew she was coming.
 

What a long hard weekend. I miss you so much, Tris. It was 3 months yesterday that you left this world. The pain is so intense. My heart ached for you. It was a holiday weekend when happy families are doing happy family things. Here I sit with a huge peice of my family missing. I'm alone with the boys a lot and your missing presence is so huge. I'm so thankful for the ways I get to feel you close. As I was struggling this weekend the first story I hear is that you have night time visitors by people who were touched by the lonliness of your site. Then today I took flowers out to your Angel Spot.  Today when I stopped there both sisters, who live in the house we use to live in, were sitting on the porch. As I was approaching my car to leave one of the sisters came to me. She said, "Are you Mom?" and I told her I was. She said, "I thought so". She then told me that she sat in the car with you until the ambulance arrived. She told me she just talked to you and told you that mom was on the way. She said, "I can tell you honestly, Trista did not suffer." These are the things that jolt me out of sleep. The thought of you being lonely and afraid. I had these fears addressed for me this week. I can't help but think you were a whisper in their ears saying, "My mom needs to hear this."

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Sis, My mind often drifts to you in class. I can't focus. I see your face, I hear your name, and it's most always followed with the phrase, "Sweet sweet sweet girl." I got inspired by those words today, and wrote this for you. I love you. 
 

Sweet sweet sweet girl

Flowered heart and viney veins

Full of nature, born to nurture

Departed with no source of pain

Angelic kisses on my cheek

Were gifts I’d get when she would leave

Delicate fingers, porcelain skin

A beautiful heart no boy could win

You before myself, is how she thought

A certain kindness that can’t be taught

Put here with us for a reason,

Taken away all too soon

Born with wings so she could leave us
Our beautiful girl, now high as the moon

Now that fall is coming and all the night sounds are coming alive, I think back on our nightly walks. We've taken nighttime walks since you were just a baby. Motion always soothed you so when you'd have a night where you couldn't sleep I'd put you in the stroller and off we would go, sometimes even at 3 a.m. You would always settle down, look up at the stars, and soon fall asleep. We continued this tradition as you got older. We always took our "night walks" in the summer and fall. If we walked down a really dark street you would hold my hand and we'd chant "lions and tigers and bears, Oh, my!" Then we'd get quiet and listen to all the sounds of the night. You always called it "night music". Now when I sit outside and listen to the night music, I close my eyes and imagine you right beside me. I can feel you there with me. I miss you so much my beautiful Girl.  

After seeing the dragonflies, butterflies and humming bird on Tuesday morning, I went inside with Aiden for about 15 minutes. When I came back out there was no activity in the air. I wished I had not gone in and perhaps they would not have left. I could not coax even a tiny butterfly to come entertain me. So after finally giving up thinking that was it for the day, your mom and I was walking around in the yard taliking. I finally said,  'well, my little angel, just give one more thing to show your presence and I won't ask for more. Just anything will do."  All at once this BIG NOISY THING flew around my head and after a swirl around it landed on my shirt right over my heart making this weird noise. It was a Cicada. It seemed to be looking right at me. I didn't know whether to laugh of cry. So your mom and I both started laughing. She said, "well, you said just anything will do." It was so good to get to laugh and to see your mom laugh. That was quite a joke on me. Later your mom looked up the symbolization of the Cicada. It stands for Spirituality, Rebirth and Resurrection. Thank you, Trista for making us laugh.

I was thinking tonight about how I always called you Chicken Noodle because when you were little that's all you wanted to eat for lunch. After you became a vegitarian, of course, it was Amy's No Chicken Noodle Soup and that just didn't have the same ring. I love you, Sissy. So very very much.

I was looking through my Shel Silverstein books looking for a peom I love, that reminds me of you. Even though I knew Lafcadio was a story book, not a poem book, I opened it anyways. I found this. We'd written our names in here as children. I love you.

I came to Yellow Springs today. I wore my dragonfly earrings. I asked you to send me some dragonflies today as a sign that you are close. As I walked around the yard, your mom and I began to notice there were three and then as we watched there were more. At best count we know there were six. Perhaps more but at least that many. As I walked around I noticed that the dragonflies would dance and circle all around the yard but would only go to the fence and turn back never leaving the yard. So I know you sent them just for us. They stayed for about two hours then I had to go inside to help Aiden with something. When I came out, they were gone. 
Later in the afternoon, as I was wishing I had not gone inside and they may not have left, I looked up and saw one dragonfly make two circles for me and then flew to a nearby tree. I guess with all the activity this morning they needed to rest. Then when I felt that was all I was going to get, a hummingbird flew over and circled my head and flew to a branch in a nearby tree.  Thank you, Trista Mae for a remarkable day.  

http://ysnews.com/news/2013/06/car-accident-takes-young-life

I know you loved your little fairy, Iris. You kept her by your bed. Since you left I carry her in my purse everytime I leave the house. When I'm at home she stays beside my bed. The other day I told Scott that we should get some irises for your garden since you liked that little fairy so much. Yesterday Grandma came and brought some flowers sent by Aunt M.J.. She had taken them years ago from Grandma Dotes house, which of course later became our house. The house you grew up in. They were irises. That by itself was perfect enough but then I looked online to see how to plant them and this is what I found:

Blessed with the colors of the rainbow and the purest white, the iris has been recognized as the dancing spirit of early summer. 

  Perfect for you, My Summer Solstice Girl.

Its soft, fluttering petals remind the Chinese people of butterfly wings, flapping gently in the breeze. The flower is known as Tze Hu-tieh or "The Purple Butterfly”.


Remember the purple butterfly that landed on my toe and Dani's too.   

The iris's mythology dates back to Ancient Greece, when the goddess Iris, who personified the rainbow (the Greek word for iris), acted as the link between heaven and earth. It's said that purple irises were planted over the graves of women and girls to summon the goddess Iris to guide them in their journey to heaven. Iris was a companion to female souls on the way to the other world.


A perfect flower for your garden. I love you, Trista, My Beautiful Angel.   

  

Today I cried a lot for you. I miss you more than words can say. I was looking at pictures of you on my phone today, thinking of you and missing you like always. Suddenly my phone froze up. I couldn't get it to do anything. It wouldn't move from the home screen. None of the buttons worked. The screen went black and then when the screen turned back on by itself this song was playing. This was one of our songs. We would listen to this CD in the car and sing this song at the top of our lungs. I haven't been able to listen to this song since you left. I can't listen to much music at all for that matter. Hearing this song brought tears to my eyes but I went to my room and sang just like we did together. I guess you thought I needed to hear this today. Thank you letting me know you're still around as much as you do. I love you My Beautiful Girl.


I'll Fly Away

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on Gods celestial shore
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away
To a land where joys will never end
I'll fly away

I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away
I'll fly away

Trista’s Garden

Trista’s garden is full of so much symbolism. It is so perfect that we could not have done a better job if we had planned it that way. All the symbolism in her garden has been discovered after the fact.

Lilies:

In English the lily is the flower of beauty, purity, and innocence.

Lilies symbolize that the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.

Hydrangeas:

Hydrangeas are a symbol expressing love, gratitude, being understood, and enlightenment. It is said that the observer can easily get lost in the abundance of beautiful petals, and thus gets lost in one's own thoughts – leading to higher thought and reaching enlightenment. The enlightenment we know Trista has now reached and we hope to reach one day.

Cactus:

The cactus symbolizes warmth, protection and endurance. The cactus flower is a symbol of maternal love because it can endure and thrive in harsh conditions and therefore symbolic of a mother's unconditional love. A mother's protective qualities are conveyed by the cactus flower due to its medicinal properties.

Roses:

Purity, happiness, joy, appreciation, and love

Petunias:

Petunias are sent to soothe negative emotions. They symbolize a soothing presence. They seem to whisper “Your presence soothes me” and Trista’s continued presence does soothe.

Irises:

Blessed with the colors of the rainbow and the purest white, the iris has been recognized as the dancing spirit of early summer. Perfect for a child born on the Summer Solstice, the very first day of Summer.

Its soft, fluttering petals remind the Chinese people of butterfly wings, flapping gently in the breeze. The flower is known as Tze Hu-tieh or "The Purple Butterfly”.

The iris's mythology dates back to Ancient Greece, when the goddess Iris, who personified the rainbow (the Greek word for iris), acted as the link between heaven and earth. It's said that purple irises were planted over the graves of women and girls to summon the goddess Iris to guide them in their journey to heaven. Iris was a companion to female souls on the way to the other world.

Angels:

1. A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth.

2. A representation of such a being, especially in Christianity, conventionally in the image of a human figure with a halo and wings.

3. A guardian spirit or guiding influence.

4.

a. A kind and lovable person.

b. One who manifests goodness, purity, and selflessness.

The Butterfly:

Death and Rebirth, Transformation.

Symbolic Butterfly Meanings

In many cultures the butterfly is associated with the soul. In Greek myth, Psyche (which literally translates to mean "soul") is represented in the form of a butterfly. Befittingly, Psyche is forever linked with love as she and Eros (the Greek god of love) shared an endlessly passionate bond together - both hopelessly in love with the other.

“Soul =Love”

Christianity considers the butterfly as a symbol for the soul. The butterfly is depicted on ancient Christian tombs, as Christ has been illustrated holding a butterfly in Christian art.

The Dragonfly:

It is a symbol of joy and rebirth. In some Native American traditions, it is also symbol of the departed souls. For the Mayan, the dragonfly is the symbol of the goddess of creativity. The dragonfly is a symbol of metamorphosis and transformation, adaptability, Joy, lightness of being.

Hummingbird:

The hummingbird has powerful spiritual significance. In the Andes of South America the hummingbird is a symbol of resurrection. It seems to die on cold nights, but comes back to life again at sunrise.

Hummingbird is the creature that opens the heart. When the hurt that caused us to close our hearts gets a chance to heal, our hearts are free to open again.

It is not commonly known that the fluttering wings of the hummingbird move in the pattern of an infinity symbol - further solidifying their symbolism of eternity, continuity, and infinity.

Hens and Chicks (sempervium)

“Always Living”

The name sempervivum comes from the Latin words semper, meaning “always,” and vivus, meaning “living.”

They also symbolize the mother-child connection with the larger parts (the hens) being connected to the smaller plants (the chicks).

Rose Quartz:

The fair and lovely Rose Quartz, with its gentle pink essence, is a stone of the heart, a Crystal of Unconditional Love. It carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. It speaks directly to the Heart Chakra, dissolving emotional wounds, fears and resentments, and circulates a Divine loving energy throughout the entire aura. Reawakening the heart to its own innate love, it provides a deep sense of personal fulfillment and contentment, allowing one the capacity to truly give and receive love from others.

Called the Heart Stone, Rose Quartz may have been used as a love token as early as 600 B.C. and is still an important talisman of relationships. It is quite effective in developing a closer bond with family or friends. It supports connection within groups and community, and carries a high spiritual attunement to the Earth, Universe, and the Divine.

Rose Quartz also inspires the love of beauty, in self and others, in nature, and especially that which stimulates the imagination - art, music and the written word.

The Dragonfly Story

" In the bottom of an old pond lived some dragonfly nymps who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water.  They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him a dragonfly with beautiful wings.  In vain he tried to keep his promise.  Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below.  He could not go into the water with his new, beautiful body. Then he realized that even if they could see him they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.  He knew for them to understand they would have to wait until it was their time. Off he flew to his joyous new life.


Grandma was here again for one of your magic moments. You knew we were struggling and there you were. We really felt your presence today. Then we look up to see three or four dragonflies zooming in the sky above our heads. Since I have never seen dragonflies in our yard before I had to look them up. The first thing I found was this story. How beautiful. Two of the dragonflies stayed all day and into the evening. They rested on the tomato box taking turns zooming around the garden. Besides the dragonflies, we had visits from lots of beautiful butterflies and quite a few visits from our little hummingbird. I love you, Trista, so very very much. Keep letting us know you're around us.

I love you hun.  We always loved Hello Kitty so, look what I got you. They are us together. Even though my favorite color is purple I let you be the purple one, because I know you loved that color as well. When I went to your grave as soon as I got out of the car a white butterfly followed my to your grave. It stayed there with me the whole time. It's like you were there. I blew a kiss and once I left it flew on. Fly away freely angel, fly away.

A few summers ago, Trista, Micah and I all went into the glen to swim in the Blue Hole. We hiked down and got into our swim suits to wade around. Trista spotted something fluffy laying on the other side of the water, so we walked over. We initially thought it was an actual animal, and poked at it with a stick. When we realized it was just a stuffed racoon Webkinz, Trista picked it up and we carried it home. When we got there we ran a warm bubble bath, changed back into our swim suits, and bathed Rocky. We decided to have joint custody, each of us getting it two weeks then passing it off. Rocky even went on vacation with Trista and I to Michigan.