An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin  your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing,  forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking  about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any  longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of  talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he  hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She  calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting  divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother  back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU  HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his  wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own  fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

GO   
  FSU and Broncos  and Nebraska  !!!!!

Thinking that the presidential candidate needed to show a more human side of himself, his committee advised him to visit an old age home. Walking into the room of an old man, with the cameras whirring,  the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table. “Thank you”, said the nominee after being offered more for the 3rd time, “why don’t you have some yourself?” “Oh, I can’t eat it”  said the old man, “I don’t have any teeth.”   “So why do you have them?” asked the confused nominee. “Oh, I like the chocolate around it” was the glib reply.

Chocolate Test {...No cheating!!}
Take this cute chocolate test to find  out your true being.
If you were buying candy and you had your choice of  the following,which would you choose?

BABY RUTH
3 MUSKETEERS
BUTTERFINGERS
SNICKERS
HERSHEY'S
ALMOND JOY with ALMONDS
CLARK  BAR
GOOD 'n' PLENTY
ENERGY BAR
CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS




Ok -  Now That We Have Your Choice, This Is What Research Says About You!!!
And NO....you can't change your mind once you scroll down.  So think carefully  about what your choice will be!

BABY RUTH -  Sweet, loving, cuddly. You  love all warm fuzzy items.  A little nutty.  Sometimes you need an ice cream  cone at the end of the day.
3 MUSKETEERS -  You are adventurous, love  new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers  flare up, you whip out your sabre.
BUTTERFINGER -  Smooth articulate,  you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to  walk and chew gum at the same time.
SNICKERS -  Fun-loving, sassy,  humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you.  But you are a practical joker -  others should  be cautious in shaking hands!
HERSHEY -  Romantic, warm,  loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend  to melt.
ALMOND JOY -  Sexy, always ready to give and receive, very  energetic, and really like to get into life. The opposite sex is always  attracted to you.
CLARK BAR - You like sports, whether baseball,  football, basketball, or soccer.  If you could, you would like to participate,  but enjoy watching sports.  You don't like to give up the remote  control.
GOOD 'n' PLENTY -  You are a very fun loving person, who likes  to laugh.  You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a  very warm hearted person.
ENERGY BAR - Life is passing you by. Get a  life!!!! Go eat a plum.
CHOCOLATE COATED RAISINS - You go to the  bathroom often.



My Dad's favorite ....Hershey's! 

Today is my Dad's Birthday! I wonder if he wrote the following as this is how he lived his life here on Earth and I am quite sure he is continuing to do so in Heaven.


   Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever!

There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did!

And because I did I'm going to celebrate!

Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the  accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart.

I will marvel at  nature's  seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds.

Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.

Today, I will share my excitement  for life with other people. I'll make someone smile.

I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know.

Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who  seems down.

I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and  start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me.

I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just  fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens.

I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise nature for these magnificent  treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life.

And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I  know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

On an overseas flight, a lawyer and an older man were in adjoining seats.

The lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game. The older man was tired, and he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep.

But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun.

“Here’s how it works,” he said. “I’ll ask you a question. If you can’t come up with the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then it’s your turn to ask me one. But if I can’t answer it, I have to give you $20.”

The senior figured if he just got this over with, maybe he could get some sleep. So he agreed to play.

The first question from the lawyer was “How far apart are the earth and the moon?”

The senior stayed completely silent, reached for a dollar, and gave it to the lawyer. Then he said, “My turn. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The lawyer was stumped. He thought and thought. He tried to remember all the riddles he knew. He searched every corner of his brain.

He even cheated and asked the flight attendants and other passengers.

Finally he gave up. He woke up the older man and gave him a twenty. The senior stuffed the twenty in his coat and went immediately back to sleep.

The lawyer couldn’t stand it. He woke up the older man and said, “I have to know. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The senior got out his wallet, gave the lawyer a dollar, and went back to sleep.

NEBRASKA POEM

Smack in the middle of our great nation Is a state that requires some explanation. To east and west coasters who’ll come right out and ask ya’, “Is there anything of interest in the State of Nebraska?” It’s true we don’t have mountains all decked out in snow, But we do have the world’s biggest live chicken show. We’re the makers of Spam. … We invented Kool-Aid, and this is where the first Reuben sandwich was made. Our insect, the Honeybee. Our bird, the Meadowlark. The strobe light, our creation, works best in the dark. Governmentally speaking, we’re a freak of nature. Since we have the only one-house state legislature. On Arbor Day, when you plant a tree, Remember that it started in Nebraska City. We were once called a desert, but that name didn’t take, Since we have the country’s largest underground lake. We have the world’s largest forest planted by hand, And more miles of rivers than any state in the land. The College World Series calls Omaha “home,” And yes, this is where the buffalo used to roam. We were the first state in the nation to finish our Interstate section, And the first to run two women in the gubernatorial election. We invented 9-1-1 emergency communication, And we’re the number one producer of center pivot irrigation. Our woolly mammoth fossil is the largest ever found, And our monumental “Carhenge” is certain to abound. We have several museums that could be called odd, Dedicated to Chevy’s, fur trading, roller skates and sod. In Blue Hill, Nebraska, no woman wearing a hat, Can eat onions in public. Imagine that! We built the largest porch swing and indoor rain forest, And anyone who visits is sure to adore us. So pack up the kiddies, the pets and the wife, And see why Nebraska is called “THE GOOD LIFE.”

(Author unknown)

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?' Because I'm not a Seahawks fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a BRONCOS fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a BRONCOS fan?' "Because my mom is a BRONCOS fan, and my dad is a  BRONCOS fan, so I'm a  BRONCOS fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a BRONCOS fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?' "Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'

Pet Parrot      

 A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."        The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."        The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

A blue house is made of blue bricks. A yellow house is made of yellow bricks. A red house is made of red bricks. An orange house is made of orange bricks. What would a green house be made of?




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glass

Some Amusing, Funny and Thought Provoking Quotations of Benjamin Franklin [1705-1790]

In the great tradition of American humour, the title of "First American Humorist" rightfully belongs to Benjamin Franklin. He was the beginning of a long line of writers who created a uniquely American form of humour filled with clever wit, folksy wisdom, and a generous portion of irreverence.

In his Poor Richard's Almanac, Franklin wrote many clever sayings which are still part of our cultural heritage today. At 26, Franklin published the first edition of Poor Richard's Almanac under the pseudonym Richard Saunders.

Ben Franklin experts question whether, in fact, he wrote all his humorous lines. Some believe he researched them and revamped them into his own inimitable style. Whatever the truth Will and Guy are certain that they are witty.

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the  children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states

Nicholas took his four-year-old son, Bryan, to several baseball games where "The Star-Spangled Banner" was sung before the start of each game.

Later, Nicholas and Bryan attended St Bartholomew's church on the Sunday before Independence Day.  The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, Bryan suddenly yelled out at the top of his voice, 'Play ball.'

Omaha Lesson:
What you do is get four cards. Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river. Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah,,,sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again. Fun game.

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.”
“Good. What comes after three.”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job.
What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” says the kid.

'They teach you how to love': Meet the lion, tiger and bear who are besties


cut and paste this link into your browser and play w/volume up...enjoy!  what a lesson for all mankind!
http://www.today.com/pets/they-teach-you-how-love-meet-lion-tiger-bear-who-2D79706596

I watched the flag pass by one day, It fluttered in the breeze; A young Marine saluted it, And then he stood at ease.

I looked at him in uniform, So young, so tall, so proud; With hair cut square and eyes alert, He’d stand out in any crowd.

I thought… how many men like him Had fallen through the years? How many died on foreign soil? How many mothers’ tears?

How many pilots’ planes shot down How many died at sea How many foxholes were soldiers’ graves No, Freedom is not Free.

I heard the sound of Taps one night, When everything was still; I listened to the bugler play, And felt a sudden chill;

I wondered just how many times That Taps had meant “Amen” When a flag had draped a coffin Of a brother or a friend;

I thought of all the children, Of the mothers and the wives, Of fathers, sons and husbands With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea, Of unmarked graves in Arlington. No. Freedom is not Free!

Kelly Strong

This poem is important to Kelly because he wrote it as a high school senior (JROTC cadet) at Homestead High, Homestead, FL. in 1981. It is a tribute to his father, a career marine who served two tours in Vietnam. When he finds others trying to take credit for the authorship of the poem, Kelly sees it as a dishonor to the man who inspired the poem, his Dad.

Kelly is now an active duty Coast Guard pilot living in Mobile and serving at the US Coast Guard Aviation Training Center. He has three kids and a great wife, Najwa, who just completed work at the Miami VA clinic as a physical therapist.

You can email Kelly at ....kellystrong@aol.com

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.       -John F. Kennedy

Peace is more important than all justice; and peace was not made for the sake of justice, but justice for the sake of peace.    -Martin Luther

“Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.” ~ George Washington

And who said this?.....  
My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. 

 

Bob is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Harris  standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Bob, curious to find out what's  happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, 'Excuse me Farmer Harris, could you tell me  what you are you doing?'  

'I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize, 'the farmer replies.

'A Nobel Prize?'  enquires Bob, puzzled. 'How?'  

'Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in  their field.'

The Kentucky Derby is this weekend! 

   David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace, Victoria admiringly watching her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse round the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!! Hearing her screams, the  security guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse! 

How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
Only one – after that it’s not empty any more!



My Dad told me this one years ago....when I was in Junior High.  Happy Easter!  

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver!

1st, my Dad loved Baseball & 2nd, today is the Rockies opening home game!

    Future Baseball Star

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,

"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.

"Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.

He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,

"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.

"Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world."

With March Madness upon us, the pressure is on and the stakes are high for all the teams hoping to make it to the Finals. Whether you’re attending a live game, going to a viewing party or just talking brackets with your friends, here are some basketball jokes you might want to keep on hand this month. My bracket is filled out...is yours?  All the way Mich State!!!

4/4/14...my bracket is busted, woe is me, I will not root for Florida, woe to them....I am a Seminole fan....counting the days till College Football starts!  

Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common? A: They both dribble!

Q: What’s harder to catch the faster you run? A: Your breath!

Q: Why do basketball players love cookies? A: Because they can dunk them!

Q: Why should you not play sports in the jungle? A: There are too many cheetahs!

Q: What’s the difference between a dog and a basketball player? A: One drools and the other dribbles.

Q: Why was Cinderella such a bad player? A: Her coach was a pumpkin.

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend.  Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, ''so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple. It's a cuckoo." "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!" The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because everyone knows he lives in a clock!"

You Might be a Cajun If...

...you start an angel food cake with a roux.

...watching the "wild kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook.

...you think the head of the united nations is boudreaux/ boudreax-guillory.

...you think a lobster is a crawfish on steriods.

...you think ground hog day and boucherie day are the same holiday.

...you take a bite of 5-alarm texas chili and reach for the tabasco.

...fred's lounge in mamou means more to you than the grand ole opry.
...you pass up a trip abroad to go to the crawfish festival in breaux bridge.

...your children's favorite bedtime story begins "first you make a roux..."

...your description of a gourmet dinner includes the words "deep fat fried."

...your mama announces each morning, "well, I've got the rice cooking-what will we have for dinner?"

...you greet your long lost friend at the lafayette international airport with "iiiiieeeeeee!"

...you sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says "don't eat the dead ones" and you know what he means.

...you don't know the real names of your friends, only their nicknames.

...you gave up tabasco for lent.

...you know the difference between zatarains, zeringue, and zydeco.

...your dog thinks the bed of your pickup is his kennel.

...any of your dessert recipes call for jalapenos.

...you consider opelousas the capital of the state, and lafayette the capital of the nation.

...you think the four seasons are: duck, rabbit, deer, squirrel.

I sincerely hope as you view this website you are enjoying your visit (s)! Very soon you also will be able to post pics and one can always leave a tribute for my Dad or share a story about "Bill"! FYI...turn up your speakers as there is background music when you view.


This website was created and is being maintained in Honor of my Dad, William D. Nicholas.


Best regards,


Jan       

From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

Blackjack chewing gum
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
Candy cigarettes
Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
                                                                                                                                         Coffee Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard      stoppers
Party lines
Newsreels before the movie
P. F. Flyers
Butch wax
Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive -      6933)
Peashooters
Howdy Doody
45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
S&H Green Stamps
Hi-fi systems
Metal ice trays with lever
Mimeograph paper
 Blue flashbulb
Packards
Rollerskate keys
Cork popguns
Drive-in theaters
Studebakers
Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them says "Seventeen" and the other old timers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of 'em says "Thirty-Two" and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him "What're these old-timers doin'?" The local says "Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin' they've given 'em all numbers." The new fellow says "That's mighty clever! I think I'll try that." So he stands up and says in a loud voice "Nineteen!" Silence; everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?" The local says "Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right..."



My Dad passed away 6-7-13.....6+7 = 13........   

We owe our...PEACE, FREEDOM, and LIBERTY

to the Bravery, Courage and Sacrifice of the Greatest Generation 

My One And Only

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".' The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'


(My Dad had such a glint in his eyes!) 



   

Well, Denver lost the Super Bowl. I think I will stick w/College Ball...less stressful and more fun!

Denver is revved up and a rocking with next weekend's game! There are the Bronco car flags waving away in Bronco country air, the office Bronco betting "squares" filling up fast and fat, the free Bronco window clingers, the brilliant Bronco  bill boards, every where you go a beauteous Bronco T-Shirt/Jersey being worn or on sale, the never ending and breathtaking Bronco tv and radio chants, and the famous Manning enchanting code word "Omaha"! Super Bowl 2014 is going to be the game of the century!!!!  This is Bronco country and we are ready!!!!!!

Omaha!...Omaha!...Omaha!...Omaha!...Omaha!...

John Elway, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Broncos flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, John," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." John felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Green & White & Silver sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous EAGLES logo flag, and in every window, an Eagles emblem. John looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 2 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point John?"

"Well, why does Donovan McNabb get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "John, that's not Donovan's house, it's mine."

“My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”

Mom arrived in Denver yesterday to visit Jan and Sarah for Christmas. Don't know how she got everything in a carry on suitcase but after reading this glad she was "savvy"!

  It was slightly before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well, and I was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, I was not in a particularly good mood.
Going to check in my luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), I saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, I said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of
mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
(pause)
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."
"That's not why it's there."
(pause)
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

Dad Fort Robinson

 Norfolk, NE 2/15/95  Pictured are: Dad, John, Bob, Verne and Gene

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
    At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
            "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...            
              I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...           
              I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

     His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." 
            To which the little brother replied,           
                           "No, but Gramma is!"

Dear santa,

For this year I’m requesting, a fat bank  account, and a small body.

P.S. This year, please don’t mix them up, like you did last year!

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: A brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man." Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right ... but I'll stick with my moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph!

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him, going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped! Amazed that moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is STILL ALIVE!!!!!

He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers with his dying breath ... "Unhook ... my ... suspenders ... from ... your ... side-view mirror."

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don’t know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Black Friday:

Because only in America people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

As many of you know my Dad was a connoisseur of jokes...he loved to hear and share them! Every time we talked on the phone or visited each other my Dad always had a joke for me! I miss my Dad's jokes and thus, I am going to monthly post  a clean,good joke for all to enjoy! Here is November 2013 post...!

  There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in  the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a  flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there  was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so please have a  seat and take out a piece of paper. “Now for the first question, which  tire was flat!”