Tony- he was a tough nut, we both were but he would always remind me that it is what is in the inside that matter.
Tony was a solid man, not just physically but in areas. He was a man of character and integrity. His compassion and goodwill for all living creatures despite their fragilities was beyond measure. He managed to see past all the dust, and rust- the dirt and filth and see the beauty beyond all the goop.
It is my firm belief that God sent him to me- he opened my eyes, my heart, I learned how to breath again- to feel again, to find the beauty in myself, others and the world as a whole.-to be loved without any conditions is something I have never known.
To say this is a difficult time- well that would be an understatement...Tony's untimely death has once again reminded me that life is short, and we must seize the moments that we are given, to live, to love and to get over the obstacles that life throws us and with a silent prayer may we have God's grace to lead us the way.
Perfect love should be without fear and God knows I loved him perfectly. I loved him the only way I knew how and I honored him as only a woman could. Treasure him I did as he was too valuable of an individual. I made every effort to comfort him in the moments he needed comforting and God knows, I tried to be all that he needed me to be.
For me Tony is everywhere, he is the wood, in the lights that twinkle from the Christmas tree that he put up for me, he is the breeze that caresses my face in the early morning light, his laughter bounces along the walls....And yes- I reflect back to those moments, the memories, and yes the tears fall down my face. I can't cry hard enough, and it may be foolish to hope and believe that he sees me from heaven and his desire would be to comfort me now.
All we do in life echo's into eternity- may Tony be wrapped in the love of all those who loved him and may he feel the peace beyond all understanding that only our Lord and savior can provide.
I hold his mug in my hand, and think back to all our conversations over coffee- there was never a day that past that Tony didn't teach me something new.
Tony in my heart I carry you, and in each step I take in this healing process I hope that you are on one side and God on the other.
Several years ago there was movie called P.S. I love You- to tell you I cried, would be a lie, I balled my eyes out.....Much like I am now..Hear me- make any wrongs right, mend the bridge, make the call...Say I love you in words and actions.....Although it is difficult, seize the moment, live life likes its the last.....Time is not on our side, and those with whom we love, are like grains of sand in our hands...May I take my own advice.
Tony told me once that he wasn't going anywhere- but so it was, God called him home and here we are to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts and learn to breath again- to live again.
I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No,I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Tony, my friend, my side kick, my everything may I continue to honor you in how I proceed forward with the life I have left.....And as always, may you forget me not.
P.S. I love you