Mamma and Daddy, were in some ways very different people and certainly did not have the same views on a lot of things. But that did not keep them from loving and respecting each other. I can’t think of any greater gift parents can give their children. Even though circumstances and distance meant they only got to be with their grandchildren on a few occasions, I see the legacy of how they lived their life reflected in my amazing nieces and nephews and the beautiful way their parents have raised and interact with their daughters and sons. It brings me joy and comfort to know that is the legacy Mom and Dad would have cared about the most.
I do not have kids myself, but I learned everything that really matters from my parents.
To mention but a few of those gifts of the “art of living”:
- Listening
I did not learn the typical things one learns in school - reading, writing, counting – from my teachers at school. Not at first. I went to school in the day time, and came home to learn my ABCs with my Dad in the evenings. I can still hear the recording on the tape I managed to lose some 20+ years later: Daddy: “c”, me: “c”, Daddy: “a”, me: ”a”, Daddy “t”, me: “t” : me: ”CAT!”. Apparently, I was very good at tuning out anything and anyone I was not interested in. I learned to read and everything else by listening – really listening to my Dad. I also learned that tuning out people was simply not nice.
- Kindness/Teaching moment
Life lessons were generally imparted by example than through lectures and preaching. During a sleepover at a classmate’s house, my sister Lily witnessed a fight between her classmate’s parents: right at the dinner table. She was not supposed to be there, but it really was not her fault but the adults’. She was scared and in shock. She was only six. They had called to tell my parents that she was spending the night at their house. Still, I thought she might get in trouble the next day. My Dad’s take on the whole incident: she should not have been exposed to that but she learned something.
- Keeping your eyes on the prize /Teaching moment
Foot race, Grade School Parents’ Day: As a small school there weren’t very many students, I was one of the students participating in the race. Ready, set, and off we went. Half way down the race track I spotted my Dad in the stands and promptly forgot all about the race. Afterwards he asked me “why did you slow down? You were ahead and could have won “. I could care less about the first prize ribbon, I already spotted mine. A few weekends later, we drove out of the city to an open area and he said whoever gets to the end of the road gets a prize X (I do not remember what the prize was), but I understood that he was teaching us what a “race” is.
- Loving/”Home-coming”
Daddy spent many years of his career building roads which meant he had to travel a lot for work. When we heard his car pulling up we would all run out to meet him. Actually, he did not even have to be out of town. Most evenings, I would find myself watching by the window. On one of these occasions, my mom looked at me and said “he is not going to miss his house, you know”. The next time he was back from a trip that took him out of town for a couple of days, Mamma was heading out to the car with us. I could not resist. I turned to my Mom “he is not going to get lost in his own driveway, is he? “. She just flashed her lovely smile, said “negram” and joined us.
- Confidence
During a summer break, I was tasked with teaching my brother Sami (7 years my junior) the English and Amharic Alphabets before school started. ABCs went swimmingly and it was time to tackle the more difficult “Fidel”. I pulled out the chart with 33 x 7 letters to get started. My brother took one look at it and said let’s wait until Daddy gets home for lunch. I asked ‘why’? His answer – “Because that is too many letters and he is going to have to tell them to change it”. He had absolute confidence that was all it would take to change this ancient script used by millions. Mind you I had no idea how I was going to teach Sami either. But I did not know that. Because my Dad had asked me to do it, I believed I could.
- Generosity
Date night with his youngest son: In a time and place where punctuality was not exactly a ‘big deal’ Daddy was punctual. He made it a point to be punctual whether it was at work, meeting his friends for coffee or any “Kotsera” he made. Fanuel, his youngest son, who also had the highest EQ, would invite Daddy for a date night - to watch the “Cosby show” every Thursday night when it was aired on TV. They had their date nights. We all did. He was generous with his affection and time.
- Respect
Daddy used to call me Mimi when I was a little girl. Then one day, I announced I am a big girl now, and will not answer to Mimi any more. I was 5. He did not try to talk me out of it, explain or anything. Just said “Okay” and respected the wishes of the little girl with a big head and stopped calling me Mimi.
He was a man of principle, who had a genuine, profound respect for everyone and saw the dignity in every person. I could fill a book with countless fond memories. When all is said and done, what I remember the most is being loved.
My father, my North star. I will miss you immensely.
Your daughter,
Senait
