Cole, today I tried to watch a Shania Twain concert on t.v. I did so crying through the whole thing, no it had nothing to do with the music, it was the thought that all of her music I have enjoyed over the years was written and recorded before you died. It's the way I look at life now, before you had to leave me and pappa, and after. Remember how we looked at life with pappa? I do, we would say before prison and after prison and laugh. I am glad we took that view as there was nothing we could change about what happened and there was no point in being negative about it anymore. I have flashbacks about that night, the night you died and the moment I was told you had gone to Heaven. I went into shock, emotionally. Then my mind goes to the crematorium, the last place I saw you physically. I can hardly fathom the reality of it all. Some days I think this is a nightmare and I will wake from it and you will be here with me. You kept me busy, Littleman, and you always will, whether here on earth or in Heaven. I want to thank you for answering my wish that you come to me this past week as we neared the 2 year mark of your passing. I felt you comforting me in my sleep and woke to find you gone, at least to my eyes. I know you are around all the time and I also know you have much work to do taking care of our family. Life on Earth without you is awful. It will never be the same and for that I cannot wait to meet again and be together forever in Heaven. I love you Littleman. Momma
