February 19, 2023
February 19, 2023
Poojya Ammaji
I read your letters and a story forms all over again - parts of it forgotten and as they come back to me, they bring back fresh tears and memories... memories of the love we shared; memories of leaving you and Babaji for 3 years but ending up being forever... I never saw Babaji again. I don't understand and can't remember why we didn't bring you here; perhaps finance issues? I don't know why. But we should have.
Your letters break my heart. We were here - four of us - together and with all the distractions we were able to bear the loss of our lives together more easily than it was for you and Babaji. Left there at home in Meerut to your own devices and alone with not much except of the memories of us together.
I wish I never came here; I with Papa sent me back as Babaji wanted. If I were there, things would have turned out differently - I am sure of it.
But now what to do? I asked you and Babaji to show me the way forward - of how to live with the loss and how to honor your memory. I think you answered my call as you always do... I think I have found a small way to follow Babaji's path where he helped thousands of people with his generosity and care. Maybe I can make a difference in a very small way in someone's life. Thank you for always being there. Though I woke up thinking today that perhaps you and Babaji are not happy with me; especially Babaji, because you were most precious to him and he, when he knew it was time, asked us for one thing in his entire life and that was that we look out for you. We did not. I, for my part, did not. I never really did what I could for Papa Mummy either. I have been selfish and I hope that when punishment comes, I will accept it without complain.
You and Babaji never complained and never ever even made us feel that we did wrong by you when we left you at that age all alone. You only gave us your love even when you went through the worst of times.
I love you both so much and as you know miss you more than ever. I am glad that I have the letters that I can re-read to remind me of our lives together and the love I was blessed with.
I saw you two in my dreams few months ago - I don't see you often - but you two were together and were sitting outdoors and talking. It makes me feel that you are happy now - together. I know you have sent Chris to me - otherwise how could I have deserved someone like him? Sometimes he reminds me of Babaji because he looks out for me and worries about me in the same way. Mummy knew he would and that's why she asked him to take care of me.
I have so much now; have always had more than I deserved. When I was growing up, I had everything - all the love a child can want. You gave me everything. Thank you for your love... and for all the memories. I just wish we had been there for you when you really needed us. But even when we weren't and you were hurting, you still kept giving us your love and nothing but love...
Your Gudya with Love.
I read your letters and a story forms all over again - parts of it forgotten and as they come back to me, they bring back fresh tears and memories... memories of the love we shared; memories of leaving you and Babaji for 3 years but ending up being forever... I never saw Babaji again. I don't understand and can't remember why we didn't bring you here; perhaps finance issues? I don't know why. But we should have.
Your letters break my heart. We were here - four of us - together and with all the distractions we were able to bear the loss of our lives together more easily than it was for you and Babaji. Left there at home in Meerut to your own devices and alone with not much except of the memories of us together.
I wish I never came here; I with Papa sent me back as Babaji wanted. If I were there, things would have turned out differently - I am sure of it.
But now what to do? I asked you and Babaji to show me the way forward - of how to live with the loss and how to honor your memory. I think you answered my call as you always do... I think I have found a small way to follow Babaji's path where he helped thousands of people with his generosity and care. Maybe I can make a difference in a very small way in someone's life. Thank you for always being there. Though I woke up thinking today that perhaps you and Babaji are not happy with me; especially Babaji, because you were most precious to him and he, when he knew it was time, asked us for one thing in his entire life and that was that we look out for you. We did not. I, for my part, did not. I never really did what I could for Papa Mummy either. I have been selfish and I hope that when punishment comes, I will accept it without complain.
You and Babaji never complained and never ever even made us feel that we did wrong by you when we left you at that age all alone. You only gave us your love even when you went through the worst of times.
I love you both so much and as you know miss you more than ever. I am glad that I have the letters that I can re-read to remind me of our lives together and the love I was blessed with.
I saw you two in my dreams few months ago - I don't see you often - but you two were together and were sitting outdoors and talking. It makes me feel that you are happy now - together. I know you have sent Chris to me - otherwise how could I have deserved someone like him? Sometimes he reminds me of Babaji because he looks out for me and worries about me in the same way. Mummy knew he would and that's why she asked him to take care of me.
I have so much now; have always had more than I deserved. When I was growing up, I had everything - all the love a child can want. You gave me everything. Thank you for your love... and for all the memories. I just wish we had been there for you when you really needed us. But even when we weren't and you were hurting, you still kept giving us your love and nothing but love...
Your Gudya with Love.