Poojya Babaji

We lost you this month 40 years ago now. I used to think I could never live without you - but here I am... I miss you so very much - both you and Ammaji. I don't know how I got lost in every day life and didn't do what was most important. It causes me so much pain now - but it is all too late. I just hope that you are somewhere and can see me and know my heart. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad but how can I not be? 

Thank you for being my babaji! Thank you for the love you gave me without which I wouldn't be the same. Having had you in my life or rather having been part of your life for 17 - almost 18 years of my life has been the biggest privilege of my life. You gave me love, taught me to be strong and love my family. You two gave me Papa Mummy and all others who enriched my life and loved me while I was growing up.

Thank you for it all. Please come for me when it is my time. Wish I saw you more in my dreams -- but those times are very rare. I would give anything to just have one more day with you all - together in that home.  While it feels like a dream, it also feels like just yesterday...

Love you very much and miss you more.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Ammaji

Whenever I look at your photo, I go back to those comfortable safe days when you were there... everyone I loved was there. Looking at your picture keeps me rooted and reminds me of what is important. It brings me a peace. 

Missing you always.
Love you forever.

Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji, Ammaji

Thought of you many times today. Not feeling so well. Every time I peel oranges, I think of you Ammaji. You always used to peel them for me. You would have made khichdi for me and made everything well again.

No more of that. Just memories. But I am grateful for the memories you all have left for me. So many happy ones... of a very happy childhood. Thank you for that and for your love.

Love you and miss you very much
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji

Whenever I feel troubled, I think about you and when we were together. I think about the love you gave me unconditionally. I think about our playing cards with Pushpa buaji and her mother; think about Diwali and the phoolghari that had never-ending supply; the days when you used to teach me pahadai; poems - your Til-ki-lauz and so many things... All those memories... and then I feel grounded again. It reminds me that nothing else is important and how silly it is to stress about anything but family...

And then I feel happier again...

I know you are somewhere looking out for me. I see the signs and feel your love surrounding me.

Missing you very much because I can't see you - though I feel you.
Love you
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji, Ammaji

Another year without you has passed...
But I know wherever you are you are looking out for me. I feel your presence and feel your hand in some of the things that happen.

Your love carries me forward and makes me very thankful to have been part of your lives. I am trying to live my life in the way that would make you proud of me.

Missing you very much.
Happy New Year.
Love you.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji 

It was the last day two years ago when my last root was still there... I would wake up next morning - as orphan. Why did my heart not miss a beat when Papa took his last breath? Why it didn't when you and Ammaji did? I loved you all so very much. Ammaji, you used to tell Babaji not to give us so much love because it will hurt in the end. And it does!!

But I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel so lucky that you were my Babaji and Ammaji. I was lucky to have been loved so much.

Please stay with me in my heart forever.

Love you very much
Yours Gudia

Poojya Babaji, Ammaji

You are always in my heart. Always on my mind.

Thank you for giving me so much love and best childhood anyone can ever have.

Thank you for being mine.

As another year closes, I look back at my childhood years surrounded by your love; and love of the whole family. I have been very lucky. That is why the sense of loss is so great. But I try to think more about what I have had and not so much of what is lost.

Love you always. Miss you forever.
Your's Gudia

Missing you today very much...


Love
Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

I hope you can see me from wherever you are. I am now almost as old as you were when I was born (Ammaji, you were even younger)! Wonder where the time has gone...

Even Papa Mummy are not here. Mummy would only have been 82 at this time - she was gone too soon. But I know she is now happy with both of you... and Papa.. and Taiji and all other family. Will you come in my dream on my day? That will be the best present! Or just send me a sign...

Love you and Missing you.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji

I was not to know that 1976 would turn out to be our last Diwali together! I tried to make it on paper this year how we used to on the wall with haldi and red brick paint but couldn't quite remember it. I did see a faded photograph of how Mummy made it once here but it isn't very clear. That was the best part of you, Ammaji and me creating our masterpiece together every year! 

All those days are just memories now. But what memories those are! You were (and are and always will be) the best part of my life. Thank you for all the love you gave me.

Your's Gudia

Poojya Ammaji

Aaj kai din aap aur mein jameen per dasharah banaatai thai. Mujhai wo din bahut yaad aatain hein. Ab tow bus yadein hee reh gayee hain.

Kaash ki bus aik din aur mil jayai wapis wehi ghar mein - aap aur Babaji - Papa Mummy...

Miss you... Miss bygone days.
More than anything -- Love you both.
Your Gudia

Poojya Ammaji

"Jhilmil Sitaaron ka aangan hoga...Rimjhim barasta sawan hoga..." -- I remember you liked this song and the story from Jeevan Mrityu. I remember where you and I were when you told me the story...

Today I made Alu ka halwa - like you used to make. It doesn't taste the same but I just wanted to make it in memory of you.

Ammaji, I don't know what happened to me all those years and really don't know where all the time has gone. I remember missing you both so much when we came to the States and then time just flew by. So much has happened but yet it all seems like a blur. I have some of your letters sitting next to my bed and now and then I read parts of those. It hurts as I feel your pain - though no one can really feel someone else's pain - no matter how much they love them. Still I do feel the pain in my heart.

Thank you for being my "Ammaji". Papa missed you very much also and had a big poster of one of your photos in his room until he was forced to move out after the stroke. He loved you and missed you much - though he never said it.

We all loved you and miss you very much.
I still do...

Your Gudia.

Poojya Ammaji

25 years ago on this day you left us. I have so much to say and may be I will just wait to say all that when I see you again. 

Your suffering was unimaginable and I know as Babaji watched you from wherever he was, he was hurting too and his disappointment in us was likely immense. May be that is why I don't see you much in my dreams. I wish - just ones - you could take me back to the home in Vijaynagar or one of the ones before - where life was full and secure.

I miss you very much on this day - and always.

I hope that you are all together now and are happy. 

Love you and miss you.
Your's Gudia

Happy 121st and 113th Birthday to you - Babaji and Ammaji!

Missing you very much and thinking of you.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji

We still have dreams... where we can hug each other. Wish you were here today. What hurts the most is that I am the end of the line. You both have lived so long in my heart and in my memories (though they were faded for a bit because of so much of our lives were stolen). But after me - all four of you will only live on in these pages. I will be with you, so may be it has to be okay.


Love you and miss you so very much.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji, Ammaji

Hope you heard my voice today at the Ocean...

Missing you very much.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji

Mummy was preparing to come to you today 6 years ago! 
She was gone too soon...
But she is with you now and I know she is happy and that is my only consolation. Some day I will be there too.

Love you
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji and Ammaji

42 years ago just about now your hearts were breaking. We left you two and came to the States. While we were also missing you very much but I believe that it is always harder for the ones who are left behind. At that point in your lives, we should have stayed with you. 

It also occurred to me just couple of days ago that if you had lived another year, we would have been back and everything would have been the same as it was before. We would have been together until you would leave us! You were always so healthy, Babaji - I just wish...

I don't know where 42 years have gone. It feels like a blink of an eye and everything has changed. All four of you are now gone. I hope that you are all together once again. 

I stopped at the stop light today close to the house and the person who sells flowers was right at my window. Ammaji, I was thinking of you at that moment. I bought roses for you from him and it made him happy. He stands there in all kinds of weather and who knows what his situation is. But it made me smile to think that may be this is a sign that you are somewhere close - still looking out for me.

I try to think of what you would do or think when I am at a loss for what to do or just need to make a decision. I would never want to disappoint you ever again. Sometimes the memories are so vivid that I feel like I was just there with you.

Love you and miss you very much.
Your's Gudia

Poojya Babaji Ammaji

I am sure you know but just to share with you - your very first scholarship has been awarded and hope that this meets with your approval. I hope that in some small way your work will continue here and benefit at least some. Wish I could have made it possible to have a free clinic but may be in future? I know that somehow you are helping me... I know you will always look out for me.

I miss you so very much.
Love always...
Your's Gudia

Ammaji's beginnings --

Daughter of Raunaqi Ram Agarwal and Viro Devi Agarawal

Sister of Puran Chand Goel and Dharm Chand Goel

Poojya Babaji and Ammaji

Here's what Papa and Mummy has left for you - your name will live on in the World of Homeopathy and if this can give rise to one person who will walk in your steps and help people, it will make us very happy. Love, yours Gudia.

https://homeopathy.org/product/gupta-fund-donation/

Poojya Babaji and Ammaji

I have been thinking a lot about you two and when I do, it feels like just yesterday when we were together. I am blessed that I can see your faces clearly and every detail even after such a long time. 

I am lucky that I have almost all of your letters with me and they will go with me - I have seen to that. 

I just don't understand why I don't dream of you much even when you are on my mind most of the times. The only reason I can think of is that may be you are unhappy with me for not being there. Babaji, you loved Ammaji so much and never let her feel any pain in all the time that I was there. And she missed those days with you later. It was a '14 year' banvaas for her after you - 1980 to 1984. I cannot possibly imagine what she went through - losing you; losing all her familiar surroundings. I don't know what happened to me and I truly can't remember why I didn't go back more and why I didn't insist that she come to be here so we could live together again. I won't ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it and what does it mean anyway? She suffered and I will suffer for rest of my life for not having done my part to make things right and better for her. 

I just want both of you to know that I love you the best. Thank you for being my Babaji and Ammaji and for the gift of love that you gave me. I was, and am, the luckiest person to have been part of your family.

Miss you always and love you forever.
Your Gudia

My Babaji and Ammaji

I saw you in my dream this past night and you were healthy and happy! Thank you for the gift! It was so good to see you! Only I wish we could have one day together - just one more...

I will be happy today and not frown because I saw you again...

Love you and miss you always.
Your's Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

Just waiting for the day I see you in my dream...

Missing you and Love you very much
Your's Gudia

Dear Babaji and Ammaji

I didn't see you in my dream last night. Just wondered this morning if you have forgotten me. Is that even possible? Or is it just that you are disappointed in me. I know you have cause to be - disappointed in me... 
I have always loved you - I just became distracted and didn't take care of Ammaji. But I have loved you more than anyone else. You loved me more than anyone else loved me. So I don't think that you can stay angry with me for long. I will see you one day - may be in my dream first... Please come and give me a hug - just once...

Love you and miss you
Your's Gudia

My Babaji and Ammaji

Today, on 39 years and 2 month anniversary of since we lost you Babaji, marks the day when I was able to set up this scholarship fund in your name to promote Homeopathy. I am so happy today and could see you smiling in my mind's eye. I hope you will visit me in my dream tonight.

Love you so much and miss you always.
Your's Gudia
=================================================
Mrs. Prakash Vati and Dr. Dhanpat Rai Gupta

Mrs. and Dr. Gupta dedicated their lives helping thousands of people over the course of 50 years through the creation of a free clinic in Meerut, India.  A strong advocate for the homeopathic profession, Dr. Gupta was renown in Meerut for his homeopathic skills.  Love and admired by his patients, they felt a deep loss when they had to leave Meerut due to a serious illness which eventually took his life in 1980.  To honor their lives, Dr. Gupta's granddaughter has created a fund to further help the development of skilled homeopaths in America.

Respected Babaji

We never used to have these days like Father's Day or Grandparent's Day when I was growing up. But I did love you every day! You were my rock and I was your heart. Somehow it all became a bit foggy through the years as we moved here and after you were gone, somehow it didn't seem important to go back. But it was more important than ever. I cannot explain it why...

But I loved you very much and think of you almost all the times - and about Ammaji.

So on this Father's Day I am thankful to have been born as your grand-daughter and to have had so much of your love and affection. Thank you for giving me the gift of love for every moment of my almost 21 years of life.

You memories remind me always of how lucky I have been!

Love you and miss you.
Happy Father's Day!
Your's Gudia

Respected Ammaji

I wish there was a way for me to change things and make things right.
I read some of your letters again recently from 1985 and I don't know how I felt then, but it tears my heart now and I feel so much pain. You kept telling us that you were okay and not to worry about you but how you must have suffered. I guess there are few things that one doesn't quite understand until they are older. But I don't use this as an excuse. Babaji loved us so much and we all missed him more than can be said. But for you, it had the most impact. You had a shield until he was around - just like it was for Mummy with Papa around. There are times when I just have to think of you sitting in the house at Chandausi and feel - almost - what you must have felt. So alone and... 

Ammaji, I miss you so much now and think about you all the time. You were left in impossible situation and you never complained. I don't know why you ended up not coming to US but wish you had - or we had gone back. Our going back would have solved many issues.

I saw you in my dream on the 21st, last Tuesday. I was arguing with Mummy Papa and then I gave her a hug and somehow you were there too and we all hugged each other. You seemed so small! Ammaji, I hope you are at peace; hope that you all are at peace and that I will see you again. I won't ask for yours or Babaji's or Papa Mummy's forgiveness because I don't deserve it and it is almost disrespectful for me to do so. There only thing I hope for is some punishment that will surely come my way. When it does, I won't ask 'why me?'. I know you all will be there to help me then. I hope that the tears that I shed can wash away some of yours.

I love you very much Ammaji.
Your's Gudia

Pujya Ammaji

Aaj aapka din hai. Aapki bahut yaad aati hai. Aapkai saath baith ker holi diwali per deewar per rangoli bunana; aapka aalu ka halwa, til ki panjori... aur sabsai jiyada aapka pyaar... Kaash ki aap yehan aa gayee hoti. Appaki aakhri chhitiya padh ker bahut rona aata hai. 

Wo din bahut achchai thai... Tub aap thi, babaji thai, aur papa mummy thai... aur bhi sub thai jo hamara poora pariwar tha. Ab bus yadain hai...

Aap jahan bhi ho, aapko aajka din mubaarak.

Aapki hee...
Gudia

Respected Babaji

Aaj untalees saal ho gayai jab aapsai aakhri baar baat ker sakti thi. Sometimes I wonder why my heart didn't miss a beat when my life changed forever - you, Ammaji and Papa - all three gone and I didn't know it. Did I not love you enough? If I didn't, why does my heart hurt so much now? Kabhi kabhi aapki awaj suun leti hoon. Kaash ki aap ko aik baar dekh sakti. 

It hurts my soul when I read Ammaji's letters - aapkai baad unki jidagi kitni badal gayee. I will take your letters with me. They are my precious treasure. 

Missing you more than ever.
Your's Gudia

Respected Babaji

I feel like I was lost for a while - for many years because I did miss you both but not the way I do now and not the way we did when we came here so many years ago. It has been such a long journey - 25 years with Mummy's illnesses and then last 5 years with Papa's. Not that it is an excuse but I didn't have much time to think about anything.

Now that I am back, I feel that we didn't honor your one wish - one thing you asked of us - to take care of Ammaji. You were so worried about her and you knew that she would feel best with us since we were all used to of each other. Now when I read her letters, it sounds like she wanted to come here and visa papers were all ready - but I don't remember why she ended up not coming. I wish I could have some of the time back so that I could right some of these things but it doesn't work that way, does it? There are no second chances. Can you ever forgive me? You both gave me all; and I gave nothing back...

I got lost along the way. Papa left thinking I didn't need him anymore; Ammaji left thinking I didn't remember her. Only Mummy knew I loved her and there is at least that. Do you know now how I feel and how I miss you?

Babaji, please let me see you two in my dream and once again let me have a hug. I need it so much.

Your's
Gudia

Dear Babaji and Ammaji

I wish that even if just for a few minutes, I could see you and tell you how much I miss you and love you; and how much I regret not being able to spend all the time I could with you. Wish there was more time. Now I don't have a 'maika' to go to. I am all alone! I know you could never have imagined this.

It has been so long but you are still fresh in my memory - as if yesterday. It is a blessing to me and I know it is because you loved me so much. I know I should be happy that I was born in your family and had the opportunity to live with you most of those 17 - almost 18 years. And I am. I just miss you so very much. I often think of those Diwali / Dashahra rangoli you and I used to make, Ammaji. That was such a fun part. Whenever I want, I can go and sit there with the red color and a thread with you and everything seems so happy. Those were such happy days! I remember those summer days - walking with you to go to Birbal babaji's place and just feeling so safe and happy as if it would last forever. But nothing does last forever, does it? This month it will be 39 years since we lost you Babaji! How is it even possible? 

I am so sorry that you suffered so much in the end because you missed us so much. It gives me some peace to know that you knew how much I, all of us, loved you - just as it gives me peace that Mummy knew how much I loved her.

I don't see you in my dreams much and it surprises me since I think of you so often. I can use a hug...

Love you and miss you.
Your's Gudia

Pujya Babaji, Ammaji

I hope that you can see me and know how much I miss you every day. I don't know where the time has gone but it has gone. Sometimes I wonder if Papa Mummy hadn't been so ill, how different everything would have turned out! I feel like I have missed many, many years with you - with your memories because they were on mind so very much. I tried my best with them but nothing helped. And I wasn't around for you. Ammaji, I read some of your old letters and I know that you wanted so much to come here. But I can't remember why you didn't. You got the visa papers and everything but then I don't know what happened. So much regret I have! You - neither of you ever complained or blamed us for leaving you all alone at that age. But I know, fault was ours and that it was so wrong.

I miss you so very much. I had a dream few days ago and both of you were very unwell, I thought. If you are somewhere and looking down at me, please come in my dream and let me see you - hug you.

I know you are somewhere still looking out for me. What I have now, I could not have - without your making it happen. I don't think I could live at this point if Chris wasn't with me and I don't think Chris would be here in my life if you hadn't sent him to me. This is what I believe.

I love you so very much - always.
Your Gudia.

Dear Babaji Ammaji

I find myself thinking of you more and more now that Papa is gone too to join you. I read your letters and it hurts to see how much pain you both suffered - both physical and emotional. We should not have left you at your age - all alone. May be it was the stress that caused your cancer, Babaji... we will never know. But I don't think I or anyone else can imagine the pain you went through missing us. We missed you very much. I remember Mummy and I both used to cry a lot whenever we received your letters - which was every time the diplomatic bag arrived. But still it is easier for the one who goes away than for the one who remains. And so I know that your pain was much greater. We had lots of distractions here - new places, new friends, new environment. You had to live in the house where you probably saw us through the eyes of your mind...walking around. 

I think about you all the time now. Last few years, especially since Papa became very ill, I didn't think of anyone or anything but him - and how to make things better for him. And I am guilty of not thinking of you as much. But you were always in my heart. I miss those days - those were simpler days; simpler life and a life well loved - much more than any child has a right to be loved. You gave me everything and I was not there. Sometimes I wonder if I could bear seeing your pain. I don't know but I should have been there. I would feel better if I had. And Ammaji, I don't know why you were not able to come here. But we are very guilty of not looking after you and being with you after Babaji was gone. If we had been there, there would still have been a huge hole with Babaji gone - but you would have been at home - in familiar environment - with family who always lived with you. You were very strong - much stronger than I can ever be.

Please show me a way now so you can be proud of me.  I don't think I have been a person you would have approved but I will try to do better from now. I promise. I want to keep your memory alive - please show me how.

I miss you so much and my heart aches for you - for the time we missed together - for all we could have done together - for all the hugs I missed.
Your's Gudia

Dear Ammaji

I think of you so often now and miss you more every day. The good thing is that I can see your face clearly in my mind whenever I think of you. I can always go back and sit with you - in the Sun reading newspaper or magazine; reading poems 'bhagwan tumharai..'; play cards - rami and other games we played; sit in Mummy Papa's room with you in the afternoon and listen to bahno ka program... All is very fresh in my memory after all these years.

In my head I watch myself go back to the Vijaynagar home and find things the way they were. They won't and that is why I will never go there because I want to keep my memories as they were - but it is a happy wish....

Ammaji I was so very lucky to have been a part of your life for almost 18 years and no one can take that away. Even after Babaji when I came couple of times, I remember talking at night and you would tell me how things had been going around in the family. I miss all that. I miss you - very much.

Lovingly
Your granddaughter

Happy New Year, wherever you are -- Babaji & Ammaji.

Wish you were here!

Love you always...
   Missing you forever....


Your's
Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

Another year draws to a close... without you... and without Papa Mummy. I would give anything to go back and experience one of those days again when we were all together. It was such a simple time... so cozy... and happy...

I am thankful for the bond we had because now that it has been more than 21 years since even Ammaji went away, I can still see your face and hear your voice and feel your touch as it yesterday. This is a blessing not many have and it is because you loved me so very much. Knowing how much you love me keeps me going and I know I will see you again some day.

Love you and miss you.
Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

Today it has been a year since Papa left me. I miss you all so very much. It has been a wonderful journey together with a whole lot of heartaches, pain but much more joy. I was lucky to be part of your family... I was lucky to have your love... And I am lucky to have hundreds of your letters - you wrote almost every day! We used to cry a lot as we read them and missed you so much. I wish we hadn't left you - especially at that age - even to come to the States. That is the only think I would change if I could - in my entire life. We should not have left you. Now that I have lots of time since Papa no longer needs me, I think often of the pain you must have gone through living without us... it is very painful to me - I am sure I can feel the pain you felt.

Babaji, I did not take care of Ammaji the way I should have after you were gone. You wanted us to be with her - you said so. But we were too busy living our lives, making a life for us here. It is not something that I can undo now. Just a forever regret and knowledge of not doing right by her. I loved her very much; and I often think of her now - probably just a little more than I do of you...

I remember those mornings and afternoons we would sit in Mummy's room - Ammaji, Mummy and me - and listen to 'Behno ka program' and different plays on radio... Read 'Aapka Bunti' in Hindustan magazine. I miss Ammaji's 'alu ka halwa' - namak wala; Til ki barfi; Gur ki barfi; so many things. I miss sitting with Ammaji and making those Dashara and Diwali Roli. That was a lot of fun! Miss your infinite supply of fulghari!!

More than anything I miss seeing you and just sitting with you.

Come in my dream sometime and let me know you are doing okay and that I will see you again.

Love you and miss you.
Your's Gudia

Dear Ammaji

Suddenly as I was sitting here, I thought of your hands and I could see them as if I just saw them yesterday. I have a happy memory of sitting on the khat in the sun and touching your arm and saying 'ammaji your arms are so soft' as I felt the slight wrinkles on them! That's just one of the many happy days we spent together.

I think of you and Babaji often and miss you very very much.

Love you
Your's Gudiya

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

First one without all four of you.

Please give me strength to get through the day and live rest of my life in a way that you would approve. Give me the wisdom to cherish your memories and at the same time cherish what I still have. I am convinced that you sent Chris to me; otherwise how does one account for having such a undeserved gift in life? Please help me to honor your gift and love him the way he deserves at the same time I keep you in my heart and my memory.

Missing you very much today.
Your's Gudiya

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

Yesterday I watched a movied called 'Lion'. After 25 years of being lost at a train station in India, this kid who is now a man finally found the place where he left his Mom. And so he goes back to India and travels to his little village. Once he gets there, he is walking toward the home that he knew as a kid of 5 years of age... As he is walking, he is growing more and more anxious with anticipation of seeing his Mum again. As he was walking, I was walking with him and had such a strong feeling of walking toward the Vijaynagar home. And I felt the anticipation I would have felt of seeing the two of you! I was overwhelmed with a very strong emotion and had tears in my eyes. How happy you would have been to see me and what an awesome moment that would have been to touch you again; to hug you once again; to see you again!

I miss you so much - more than I can say. Ammaji, I feel such pain in my heart now knowing I didn't take care of you; didn't come for a visit for so long!

Can you see me now? Please, please give me a sign that I am forgiven; that you know the love I have for you in my heart!
At this time of year, there was all that hustle and bustle of white-washing the house; making all those sweets - Tilgozi was my best favorite; also there was that 'gud ki lauz' that I loved... Miss those days...
Missing you.
Your's Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

Diwali is coming and I am thinking of all those 'phoolgharis' you used to get for me. There used to be an infinite supply and it kept coming. Just when I thought it was the last one, there was another box. I can picture it just as it was then. 1976 was the last time you handed me the last box - none of us knew it then. I miss all that; miss you both; miss the life I used to have and we shared.

I feel sad but then I think that at least I had it once. How many children grow up with so much love? Our love was strong and that is why it has lasted all these years! Yes, I have been lucky. I have never lacked in love in my life and what more can one ask for? I wish you would come in my dreams more - that is all I can ask now and still.

See you in my dreams and see you when I get there.

No one calls me 'Gudia' anymore.

Love and miss you.
Your's Gudia

From Papa --

"I held you close in my heart today...
   It made me feel complete...
   You may have died,
     but you are not gone...
     You will always be a part of me...
     As long as the Sun shines...
            the wind blows...
              the rain falls..."

Love you and miss you very much, Dear Babaji and Ammaji
Your's Gudia

Respected Babaji and Ammaji

This time you have Papa with you on his birthday. I would really love to see you all in my dream tonight... 

I heard your voices on the DVD that Papa left for me. It took me back to those days when you were still somewhere I could reach. You were very very ill but you were thinking of me and how sad I was. You worried so about me. I tell everyone that story about you bringing me samosas when the practical exam had gotten delayed at St. Thomas! It was such a thing at the time - "Shalini's Babaji brought samosas for her" :-) Just one of many sweet and happy memories of my life.

Miss you both very much.
Your's Gudia

Happy 120th Birthday Babaji And 112th Ammaji - Wherever you are...
We never celebrated these days when we were together but...
I haven't remembered it in many years but now that all four of you are together, I miss you afresh and you are on my mind just like in the beginning when we first came here.
Sometimes I just picture it how it would be to have you here now - what you would do and say and whether you would approve of me. I hope you do. There are times when I am not at my best but I do try. I know you are sad at the turns of events that have taken with us but it cannot be helped. I can't even forgive myself - so how can I do that for others who have hurt people I love so much?
Missing you on this day and always.
Your's Gudia

Dear Babaji Ammaji

Wish you were here for this day and could meet Chris. You would love him and know that I am safe and loved. You loved me so much and worried about me even more. But I am sure you can see from wherever you are that I am alright. I miss you more than ever - now that Papa has also gone to be with you. He kept me very busy :) I miss him more than he could know; but may be he did know. That is why he hung on for so long and suffered so much. 

I miss you all very much.

Especially on special days...

Love you
Your's Gudia

Respected Babaji and Ammaji

Here are Papa Mummy - at Sea. How short the time was for us to be together and yet I can remember things and your faces, voices - just like yesterday. You all will live on in my heart and memories forever.

Until we meet again.
Your's Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

I need to see you... Need to see you one more time.

It has been so long. Now I have all the time to think about you, miss you, read your letters - read about some of the things I forgot somehow. And a renewed sense of having been lucky to have you - for a short time - but a significant time of my life - with me to to love you and to have been loved by you.

I am sorry to have lost touch with you for so long. Papa Mummy had kept me busy but even before I think I got too busy with myself. You were my life. You gave me so much and I could not do anything when you needed me. 
I want to see you one more time. In my dreams...

Your's Gudia

Respected Babaji, Ammaji

Last of the four will be going to Sea in less than 2 days... It never occurred to me that such a day will come. But then I never could imagine a life without you... without Papa Mummy. Papa has been gone more than 8 months already.
I am guilty of many things - not taking care of any of you. Papa is more recent and so his memory haunts me more. It is still not real to me. I keep seeing him sitting in the Belmont lounge last October 21st wiping his tears as he said goodbye to us. I wonder if he knew we won't see each other again...
Still, to me it is a gift from all of you that whenever I think of you, which is often, I can clearly picture you and see you and whenever I want, I can sit close to you and feel you. Your love sustains me. I was the most loved child ever and was very lucky to have been part of your family.
I will see you again some day when time is right. I know you will come for me.

Missing you. Love you.

Your Gudia

Dear Babaji, Ammaji

You won't forget what I asked for today? I know you can hear me from wherever you are...

Love you and miss you very much
Your's Guria