I have been trying, for over a year now, to find the right words to honor my Mom. How can I put into words the infinite, boundless love I have for her, the treasured memories, and the unimaginable, immeasurable sorrow I have felt since her passing? How am I supposed to move beyond a loss of someone that means the world to me, someone that was at the center of my universe from the moment I took my first breath. I never imagined a world without her in it.
Not too long before she passed, we had started to plan for this month when she would turn 75 and I, a week earlier (today), would turn 50. We never even considered the possibility that one of us might not live to see their milestone birthday. It is all so surreal. I know I am still in denial over her passing. Every day, I think to myself that it just can’t be real, she can’t be gone. I still talk to her every day; I just no longer pick up the phone to do so. When I am struggling with a decision, I hear her voice in my head guiding me. She is with me in all I do and think – of course she is, she helped me become the person I am today. So, while I wish so much to be able to see her and receive one of her amazing hugs, to call her on the phone and hear her voice, to get a loving text from her just when I needed my day brightened - while I long so much for those moments and so many more that were yet to come - I know she is with me and always will be.
I still don’t have the right words to honor my Mom and I doubt I ever will. I can never live up to her loving, caring, thoughtful, generous, and bright spirit. Nevertheless, I strive every day to make her proud of me and to do my best to honor her memory with my actions.
I love you Mom!
Love,
Shatz