Hey Durron LaChetto
Whoo! I never thought I would have to live this life without you. It still hurts as if I just found out about what happened to you. Nothing in this life is fulfilling and I patiently wait until it's my time to go. Everybody and everything keeps on going on as if nothing has changed ~ my life has changed drastically. I remember the first day after I found out ~ the sun was shining as if I had just been given the best blessing in the world, instead of my heart's worse devastation. To add insult to injury Uncle LaDon, Grandmommy and Aunt Greta have all gone on to glory. So, you are in good company. I can't believe GOD took you instead of me. I don't have anything to live for. You were soooooo loved and valued. You are soooooo missed. Tomorrow holds no promises and no love. I have {intentionally} rid myself of the trashy, unfulfilling relationships that had my attention before. I still feel like I failed you as a sister. And, daily my heart breaks. My relationship with GOD is superficial, but I keep right on praying, loving/fearing HIM. Even my prayer life feels unsatisfying, but I must admit HE keeps on blessing me. But, the hollow feeling in my heart is something that nothing my prayers have answers to. I recently was blessed {or cursed} by a {Ghost/Angel} Spiritual being. Since that blessing/curse I can't say that my smile has returned, but I try to find hope. I soooooo miss California.
And ~ I didn't want to mention this, but my dad is in the hospital. He was fine one day, went to the hospital and now looks as if his days are numbered. When I first walked in the room, he looked dead and I stopped and my heart dropped. His skin was ice cold and he had three of those portable stands full of medication. I rubbed his skin and talked to him for three hours. Requested warm blankets and covered him with one and covered his chest with the other. He had asked me the month previous to get life insurance on him, but I couldn't. It's not something I can do. I came every day and on Sabbath played Christian music the whole time I was there. Anyway, he is awake and moving his feet to the beat. But, today, he seemed [different]. His nose looked broken and when I {barely} touched it he jumped as if I were hurting him. I'm scared.
This is the part of life my heart wasn't prepared for. I wish I had died instead of you. Or, with you.
Well, I'm glad you don't know my sorrows or my unending pain and torment. I hope you will watch over Giovanda and send her unconditional loving kisses and support to her. Since you went to Glory, she hasn't been "Dimples" or "Giggles" and although she has fulfilled her dream of becoming a Doctor, it doesn't seem to be satisfying. Oh!!! Not sure if it's from Granddaddy's side of the family or yawl's, but we finally got those twins in this generation ~ they are as beautiful as sin is deadly :)
Anyway~ I know whatever you are doing and however you are ~ you are way better off than me. Love doesn't define how I feel about you now that I can't ever tell you again. Tearfully.
Until~