Pain was never something I could personally relate to till September 15th, I still vividly remember how my whole world came crashing down when my sister said to me “Bij mum died in her sleep”. Obviously still in denial I picked up my phone and called my mum over and over again and I promise you what I felt listening to every unanswered call was indescribable , but you know what I still didn’t give up because everything , absolutely everything was better than accepting the news was true so I left a vocal message in the shakiest voice I’ve ever had and I said “Mum where are you ? I don’t know why Effie’s lying to me please call me so I can prove her wrong, please mum “. So yeah, I still haven’t received anything, but I haven’t given up either. Don’t get me wrong I have accepted she isn’t physically here anymore, but I know she’s with me, so I know she listens, and she’ll obviously answer me in her own way. Truthfully, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say in a eulogy, but I know who my mum was, how she made those around her feel and especially what she meant to me so that is exactly what I’ll share. 19 years ago, I came into this world and I was welcomed by the most amazing mother a child could ever crave. Strong, brave, funny, determined, loyal, beautiful, god-fearing, kind, charismatic with a heart as big as the Pacific Ocean are just few words that don’t even have the potential to describe how amazing my mum was. If you know my mum, you know how special she was. I cannot count the number of arguments I have had with my mum regarding her forever mania of always forgiving those who hurt her , always ready to lend a hand , always willing to make a difference and obviously my young , lazy and stubborn self couldn’t comprehend and as years went by I started understanding what I couldn’t as a child . I finally reached the conclusion my mum was a woman. A real one who forgave truly, loved dearly and cared deeply for everyone around her and you know what? As soon as I grew up to realize this, our relationship became even deeper. We left from the everyday arguments to form such a strong bond. My mum was my literal rock, best friend, partner she meant everything to me. I can tell you how deeply anchored my mum is in my everyday life , like how the music I listen to are people like Tracy Chapman , Dolly Parton , Phil Collins etc. just cause we used to sing their songs to the top of our voices in her car or how I have some of her clothes cause we used to steal each other’s clothes or even how we spent our time ranting to each other about people that annoyed us. There’re just too many memories with this special being and of course that’s no surprise, I only spent my whole life since I came into this world with her. One of the most memorable moments I had with my mum was when I got dismissed in form four and she had to travel from Yaoundé to Bamenda and at that time I was scared of what she was going to say or do to me and guess what , she called me into the room and said to me in such a gentle but firm tone “ I won’t shout , just promise me when you go to your new school you will make me proud and put everyone to shame “ . Frankly, my mum was unmatched. She thought us everything, how to be strong, patient, caring, loving, polite and honestly, she did such a great job and I’m happy I made sure to remind her everyday of how thankful I am for everything. She was such a superhuman, she was great mum, wife, sister, aunty and excelled too at her office, and obviously got promoted. She was the actual whole package. I video called my mum on Saturday the day before she passed away and behold Ma’a Tsobgny like I used to call her was at the market and I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone , when she picked up I said to her “ Ma’a Tsobgny toujours au marché” and she laughed back( My mum’s laugh was so contagious and genuine )and said to me “I’ll call you when I get home baby “ and I said to her I love you mum and she said to me “I love you too sweetheart” . To tell you the truth, till this day I still can’t believe my pillar and sunshine isn’t here anymore. Sometimes I get sad thinking of how she won’t be present to see me grow up as a woman or even as mother, but soon after I hear her voice saying “It’s okay baby” and I want to scream “No mum it’s not cause you’re not here anymore” but that won’t ever bring her back so the only way I can ever hope to repay my mum for everything she did is to be strong, to keep on smiling, to keep making her proud , to be a good girl as she always reminded me and grow up to be at least half of the woman she was. I know my mum is watching each and every one of us from heaven and I promise you she will be by us through every step cause that’s just the type of person she was. Rest in peace mum, I miss and love you forever.