During my early age as a young boy in primary school when I first heard of the death of a class mate parent I became afraid and wished such should never befall me, even into adulthood mere thinking towards that direction still brings some sudden fear despite my strong Christian principles and faith, I usually pray inwards that it shouldn’t occur at an unprepared timing or imagine how it will come but finally it came. Today it saddens me to use the word ‘’WAS’’ to describe Daddy and not ‘’ IS’’.
Daddy during our growing up age was a disciplinarian to the core he never spared the rod on any negative action myself and my siblings exhibited, his approach was spare the rod and spoil the child. It got to a time I started thinking in my mind if he was our biological father, our friends and neighbours dared coming to our house to play with us, those who braved it to come he had a way of asking them if they had no home work to do after school, house chores or even after school lessons by the time he will put that question to them on one or two occasions they will never come to our house again. Of utmost importance to him he was interested in us getting a good education with flying colours whenever anyone is in that cadre you will observe the rod will be restrained from such a person a little.
Holidays were for extra lessons and training on vigorous house chores spanning into making large gardens in then our large compound in GRA Ikeja, if he was going to work when we were on holidays he will diplomatically calculate how many hours of lectures from our home private lesson teacher, we will have and then give farming as well as house chores that will keep us busy till they (himself and our mum) return back from work. When he comes back from work he will look at our faces and if he suspects anything that we had enough time for play he will go straight to the TV even if the TV was off he will place his hand behind the TV if it is hot or warm he will say so you people have been playing and watching TV all day’’ hence the next day he will increase the farming and house chores so that we have no time to play and some times he will just pay an impromptu visit home between 12pm and 2pm just to check on what we are doing who ever is not at home during such visits without proper permission will invite the rod on himself or herself.
Once I braved up and asked him why he was using this approach on us he said it was training and that it will help us in the future because we don’t know where we will end up or what will become of the country and world at large with respect to survival instincts and tactics same my mother said too. And through to their words it is true there is nothing that I cannot do or stand for positively today with respect to survival.
As I grew older I started to understand him more that behind that very strict front posed by him he was a very soft, cool ,caring and understanding father who want the best for his kid and people connected to him, he told me that it is the wish and prayers of every parent that the life of their kids should better than theirs anything short of this he said watch there is something playing out that is not the real heart of such parent. He told me a proverb which literarily means help me beat my child or kill my child by a parent to someone is not from the bottom of the heart of such parent.
Some of the things he personally told me he said “ I should always remember this that I have a clean and clear heart that I should maintain it and shouldn’t derail from it because it will take me far in life and even if people will plan against one it will fail as a result of my good heart”.
He imbibed in me the spirit of contentment and handwork towards ones own vision and goals. Where ever you are where you may be do not say Yes when you mean to say no and vice versa these were some of the things he shared with me I kept to heart and watched them play out they were really true word and words of gold.
He was friendly when ever we came home visiting or during our long-distance phone calls, during the last one year before his demise he usually try to call and check up on me he was really interested in my progress and he will say what is for you that you started and watered by yourself continue to work and focus on it one day you will achieve your goals. I will chat with him sometimes on his Christian status with God he will laugh and say I go to church every Sunday and I will laugh and say do you know what being born again is about it is different from church attendance he will just laugh but am glad few days before his passing away a friend of ours visited and made him rededicate his life to Christ which he did and it is the most important thing.
Two major things he wanted me to achieve that he wished to live to see as most times when he will call me he will say am not rushing you but it is a decision and choice you have to make from your heart never allow anybody influence it but you must do it and I usually promise him that I will do it, a part from that nothing else he really wanted from me as a son but happiness.
During his last days in the hospital every joke and play that I wanted to raise with him right from childhood days till now that I couldn’t do I was doing it with him on his sick bed examples his siblings call him Brother Emma, so in the hospital when am with him alone most times in order to get his attention I will call him brother Emma he will look at me and smile as if to say you calling me brother Emma you know what I would have done to you during my active days we both will just smile to each other, these events are milestone moments I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.
On the morning he passed away or few minutes before his final exit from this world when I came into his private ward asking him how he was feeling today “he replied am doing fine” holding my hands tightly for a few minutes and I told him I was going to see his Doctors because he was supposed to be discharged a day before or that very day latest, it never occurred to me that in the next few minutes I will be called in that he was struggling between life and death as I watched the Doctors and Nurses struggling to revive him as I watched the readings of the oximeter on his hand fluctuating between life and death signals as well as me telling them to still try to carry out cardiac resuscitation which couldn’t bring him back and I looked at myself saying in my heart that this was the moment I dreaded most in my life it just occurred like a flash within seconds it was history.
He was a good pal to the end and am happy that he knew God before he passed away and the last prayer, he did with myself and my sister in the hospital with him praying for everyone was overwhelming. Am glad we all did everything humanly possible that we could do for him but it was just God’s time for him to go.
And with the aforementioned I won’t say goodbye but say Goodnight, Goodnight and Goodnight till we meet again on the resurrection morning. Shalom
By
Osamudiamen Emmanuel Ogunbor
(Son)