Tia Maria y yo. Compartimos el mismo cumpleanos y espero que muchas cosas mas. 

There are some people in your life that you know are there for a reason. You can feel it. You can feel how their presence changes you and although you may be thinking you are changing their lives, they are actually changing yours. My mother had Stage III Breast Cancer and I saw her suffer through every chemotherapy as well as every surgery. From the eyes of a little girl, the world seems perfect, but I knew, in my heart, that my reality was far from perfect.

At the age of 12, I used to stand behind my mother’s bedroom door to hear her talk so I would know what was going on and I used to stay awake at night, listening to her breathing, so I was certain she was alive. I used to be afraid of falling asleep because I feared that when I woke up I would have lost the person I loved the most. Despite everything, I was a little girl, undertaking the role of a mature young woman and I had to show my mom that I was capable. I had to prove I was capable of taking care of myself and of my younger sister as well.

For many months I saw my mother battle every day for more breathless moments. I stood beside her every single time she started a new treatment; when she was so weak she could barely walk, when she lost her hair completely, and most importantly, when she smiled through it all. I saw how much it killed her not being able to work, but not because she missed work, but because she missed feeling independent and feeling capable of doing anything she set her mind to. Truthfully, the sickness and pain did not matter to her, or to me, what mattered was that my mother was alive, and that she was able to celebrate yet another Christmas with me, even if it was going to be her last. As much as it pained me to admit, that next February 13th, I lost my best friend and the reason I lived for.

Losing her was exactly that, losing her. My heart ached permanently and I felt as if a part of me had died along with her. I craved her company, her kisses, and her advice. For the first time in my life, I had no one to turn to. I felt so vulnerable and I felt as if everything and everyone was against me. Every night, I cried myself to sleep or I stopped sleeping at all. It seemed to me as if my mind was always racing and I was overflowing with words I did not have. That 13th of February, I lost my soulmate and the only person who understood me. As hard as it was for me to admit, there were many mornings when I’d wake up and I’d question everything I’d ever known, including God. I could not understand how God, the loving father, had taken my mother away from me so cruelly. Honestly, I did not want to be alive in a world where my mother did not exist. Devastation run so deep, that for many months after that, I refused to go out. I wanted to be left alone, but I did not want to be alone. I was experiencing excruciating pain, but after those harsh times, I realized that, I can hurt without breaking.

Regardless of how different my childhood was, I would never want to change it. Her death did not change me, it revealed me. The grief I experienced taught me to trust God above all things and to appreciate the small moments in life, as they are the ones that truly count in the end. I also learned that there is a purpose for everything that happens and for every person that comes into our life, regardless of whether we know it or not. Life is all about the small moments that take our breath away and those breathless moments, are the ones we should cherish the most. Every time I look at my sister, I am reminded of that person I loved and continue to love with fierce intensity. I am reminded that I need to appreciate every single day and every single thing I have in my life, for I am more blessed than many. Regardless of what happens, we have to learn to be thankful and to accept things as they come, for God has a plan set for each and every one of us. Hope is the last thing we should lose and our faith has to be greater than all our battles.

To my momma, I love you. Thank you for your invaluable advice and for your unconditional love. You are my greatest inspiration and my role model. Once we are reunited, I hope you will be proud of what my life has been. My accomplishments are all for you, my biggest supporter. Wherever you may be, I hope you are laying on the beach, tanning, as you loved to do. Cancer did not take you away from me, no one did, it was just time for you to make the angels laugh. I miss you more than words can convey. I hope you know how much you have impacted my life and how much I will always love you.

Recuerdo una noche con mi mamá, recién había venido de Houston ese día. Me dijo que fuera a agarrar el chocolate abajo, que nos comíamos todas las noches juntas. Cuando subí, vi que mi mamá se reía a carcajadas, y yo pensaba que era algo mío. Me puse enojada porque no se paraban de reír con mi hermana. Al rato me llamo y me dijo que le sobara los pies. Yo la empece a sobar pero sentía algo muy suave. Siguiendo enojada, la seguí sobando. Me dijo que viera sus pies, y en lo que veo, mi mamá tenia puestos unos calcetines de osos. Se los quito y me dijo: "Mira mi Piola, te  compre estos calcetines, para que cuando me vaya de viaje, en la noche te los pongas y me recordes." Hace pocos días los vi y me recordé de esta historia y ahora, los tengo siempre a mi lado.