There were many nights I left after visiting with Greg that I felt a very distinct, unique, and uneasy feeling. I guess if I had to describe it, with my limited vocabulary, I would call it UNCOMFORTABLE.
Now, don't get me wrong. Not uncomfortable because of how you would normally think people could make you feel uncomfortable.
Instead, I was uncomfortable because of how Greg's ability to ask me how I was, his ability to show interest in me and my family, his long and strong hugs, his half smile that said more than wordscould- they made me feel uncomfortable because I realized I was getting more than I was giving.
I often left encounters with Greg realizing he was more present, more attentive and more loving than I was. I left hoping next time I could do better; that I could be more like Greg.
I'm certain Greg never intended, or probably knew, that being around him made me feel this way. If he did know he probably would have made a funny joke to change the mood.
But as funny as Greg was, he was even more caring. I think he refused to smile in so many pictures because he needed a cover- a way to mask his huge heart that was so open and vulnerable to so many.
Being uncomfortable around Greg was more than just uncomfortable. It made me want to be better; to ask more real questions; to sit longer and listen to people. To selflessly help those around me without any thought or hope of retribution. It was the best uncomfortable I have ever felt! There was a comfort and hope in the uncomfortable.
I still can't believe that he is actually gone.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “the death of a beloved is an amputation,” in his book A Grief Observed.
Indeed, in Greg's passing we are all missing more than a limb...
But as uncomfortable as I am remembering him, walking through his home where he can’t be found, I am left with an oddly comfortable feeling of the love he showed me and my family. The amazing example he left of being present. The love he gave, the love I will never forget.
And though it may have made me feel uncomfortable at times, it made me better.
Greg- a wonderful father, husband and friend. We will always miss you!
~ Aaron