Jack Heston - ForeverMissed.com Online Memorials

In memory of Jack Heston, 35 years old, born on October 6, 1986, and died on August 6, 2022. We will love and remember him forever.

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November 7, 2022

After a long and courageous battle with depression, Jack's pain became unbearable and he died at his home in Denver, Colorado at the age of 35. He is survived by his mother, Maribeth Ward (John Kolman), his sister, Shannon Heston (Ryan Alt), his niece and nephew Audrey and James Alt, his aunts, Ellen Ward and Mary Anne Heston, his uncles Mike Ward (Amy) and Dan Ward (Cindy), and his seven cousins -- Jen Stermer, Nate Heston, Steve Heston, Kevin Ward, Grace Ward, Allison Ward, and Kyle Ward.

Jack grew up in Wilmette and Chicago, IL. He graduated from Northside College Prep in Chicago in 2004 and the University of Illinois in Champaign in 2008. After graduating from college he worked as an actuary at Deloitte and as a project manager at CNA. After moving to Denver in 2017, he worked as a bicycle courier.

Jack loved bicycling, music, cats, reading and writing. He was an ardent fan of all Chicago sports teams, especially the Cubs. In high school he was captain of the wrestling and lacrosse teams.

He was dearly loved by his family and will remain forever in our hearts.

In one of his last communications to his family, Jack requested that his musical instruments be given to his niece and nephew and that they be encouraged to play them.

June 17, 2023

Jack and I met while pledging the same fraternity in undergrad at the University of Illinois and he was one of the most important people in my life for nearly a decade.

I was always drawn to him because he was so steadfast in who he was. He did not care what you wore or how much money you made. He never did. He only cared about who you believed.

We traveled across the country and abroad together. Jack evolved, but he never changed, and that was what I loved about him.

And it makes me very sad to think that I will never ride my bike in Chicago with Jack again. We will never again debate politics, literature, or baseball.

I miss dearly and think about him every day.

April 27, 2023

I positively love the cover page photo of Jack. First, he looks genuinely happy, and second, Audrey peaking out from the background like a little elf. Just adds the perfect element to the shot (she actually looks a bit like Mom, expression-wise!). Maybe Jack is smirking because he knows she is behind him;)

Also, I will take credit for photo 29, with Dad (Grandpa Hal) and Jack, 1993, which is one of my favorite photos. It was during our trip to Hawaii, when we visited Mike and Amy, and newly-born Kevin. I was the 'sandwich' generation (well, person) between Mom and Dad, who were in their late 60s and Shannon and Jack, about 8 and 10. It was a fantastic, busy trip. I always thought I should send that photo to an Insurance or Wealth Management PR firm, depicting generational legacies or passages.

February 23, 2023

This is such a beautiful tribute, Maribeth, and for such a beautiful boy. Coming up on the one year anniversary of my last visit with Jack, the last weekend of February 2022 in Denver. And now, here we are, at the six-month point of his passing. It is still so very hard to process.

Jack and I had a special bond. I felt we were soul mates. Though he appeared aloof at times, deep down Jack was very sensitive, romantic and idealistic. I miss him terribly right now. His death was tragic, and will always remain a mystery in many ways.

I can only hope he is in a better place, and that we will meet again someday in the great beyond.

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Recent Tributes

June 17, 2023

April 27, 2023

February 23, 2023

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Gallery

Jack and Ellen at his High School Graduation Party

Jack with Family at his High School Graduation Party

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His Life

November 9, 2022

Jack was a sweet and happy baby. He adored his sister and was very active as a toddler. He started Montessori daycare when he was 3 months old. He attended school in Wilmette Illinois until his sophomore year in high school when we moved to Chicago where he completed high school at Northside College Prep. He was an excellent student and enjoyed sports throughout his elementary and high school years. Primarily soccer in elementary school - wrestling and lacrosse in high school.

He attended college at the University of Illinois in Champaign Urbana. He joined a fraternity and found a sense of community there. Jack was always introverted so he did not share much with his family about his friends or his college life, but he seemed to enjoy that period of his life. Jack spent summers working in the financial industry in Chicago, his favorite job was when was a runner at the Chicago Board of Trade, it was very fast paced and he shared fun and interesting stories about his time there.

His major in college was actuarial science, and he worked part time in the actuarial department at State Farm while he attended college. His first job after college was with Deloitte as an actuary in Chicago. He worked very long hours, and although he sometimes said he enjoyed it, I think the isolation and long hours were very stressful for him. When he was 26 he ran a marathon and I was very proud of him. Later that year he left Deloitte and lived on his savings for the next several years. He seemed very depressed. When he depleted his savings he took a job at CNA. He really disliked that job and quit to become a bike courier.

Jack was always very introverted, but looking back we think his introversion was more a symptom of his depression than a personality trait. The last couple of years of his life he was extremely depressed, in part due to the isolation of COVID, but also because he felt more and more hopeless about his prospects in life. He never would get help, and by the end he was too isolated and depressed to make the effort.

I will miss Jack every day for the rest of my life, but I know Jack did want me to suffer. I will work on accepting his death in order to honor his life. I love you Jack.

My grief story

March 10, 2023

Jack suffered from crippling depression for years prior to his death. In some ways I thought I was prepared to lose him. I was not. Reading books, attending support groups, seeing a grief therapist, and the support of my friends and family has made it bearable. I also was interviewed for a podcast "Grieving Overdose Death" which was cathartic, and I created a playlist to memorialize him. If you or anyone you know is experiencing the death of a child, they might find my reading list helpful:

Reading List for Grieving:

A Grief Observed
by Lewis, C. S.

Grieving Mindfully
A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping With Loss
by Kumar, Sameet M.

Resilient Grieving
Finding Strength and Embracing Life After A Loss That Changes Everything
by Hone, Lucy

The Year of Magical Thinking
by Didion, Joan

The Grieving Brain
New Discoveries About Love, Loss, and Learning
O'Connor, Mary-Frances

The Other Side of Sadness
What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss
Bonanno, George A.

Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore (Author), Jeffrey Rubin (Foreword)

Healing after Loss - Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

A Broken Heart Still Beats - After a Child Dies
by Ann McCracken and Mary Semel

When Breath Becomes Air
by Paul Kalanithi

Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grieving-overdose-death/id1462181055?i=1000588716127

A Free Man's Worship by Bertrand Russell

March 23, 2023

One by one, as they march, our comrades vanish from our sight, seized by the silent orders of omnipotent Death. Very brief is the time in which we can help them, in which their happiness or misery is decided. Be it ours to shed sunshine on their path, to lighten their sorrows by the balm of sympathy, to give them the pure joy of a never-tiring affection, to strengthen failing courage, to instill faith in hours of despair. Let us not weigh in grudging scales their merits and demerits, but let us think only of their need--of the sorrows, the difficulties, perhaps the blindnesses, that make the misery of their lives; let us remember that they are fellow-sufferers in the same darkness, actors in the same tragedy as ourselves. And so, when their day is over, when their good and their evil have become eternal by the immortality of the past, be it ours to feel that, where they suffered, where they failed, no deed of ours was the cause; but wherever a spark of the divine fire kindled in their hearts, we were ready with encouragement, with sympathy, with brave words in which high courage glowed.

Desiderata

March 23, 2023

Another favorite poem, which captures the vicissitudes of life -- the agony and the ecstasy, the sham and the glory, the heart ache and pain, which none of us escape. But take time each day, to be happy, and to be grateful for the whole of it.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

— Max Ehrmann, 1927

Visitors to my house will find a framed version in the guest room. So come visit ;)

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