My dearest Jana'

I don't know why but this has been the hardest year without you.  Today I have wept and wept because of missing you so much.  You were such an inspiration and so bubbly and fun to be around.  You never saw bad in people.  You could always find something good to say.  I know your students saw this in you also.  Such an admired quality.  I am so proud to be able to say you were my daughter.  I know you take after your dad but I am sure there was some of your mother in you also.  

Today we were going to go to the cemetery but I had a meeting in the morning and it was so windy we decided to get balloons and send them off from home where it was the very last time we saw you and were able to say goodbye.  Well we stopped at Costco and got a few things.  When we got home dad opened the back of the car to get our groceries out and didn't remember that the balloons were in the back of the car.  Guess what.  The wind had it's way and they flew out of the car.  Didn't realized it until about an hour later when I asked your dad where they were.  I am sure they knew where they were suppose to go though.  I love you so much and MISS you terribly.  Your son is getting good use of both your pocket trumpet and the one you played.  So glad to see that he has taken an interest in playing the instrument that you enjoyed.

Love you much,
Mom 

My dear Jana'.  Today I went to visit your memorial site on your birthday.  I can't believe that it's been almost three years since you have passed.  I left you a card and some flowers.  We had a birthday balloon for you also but it decided to take off on it's own.  (Kind of like you)  That's okay because that's what made you so special.  I had a hard time of course.  I know your son misses you and really needs you right now in his teen years.  I wish you could be here for him.  I think of you often especially as I look at Schnoodles.  I remember the day we went and got her.  We really fooled your dad didn't we.  She has been very special in our lives though.  Your dad has to admit that he enjoys her so very much.  Your sisters miss you so much.  They both wished me prayers as your dad and I went to visit your memorial site.  We also went over and said hello to Ray and Doris Bailey.  Well, the way the world is going now I don't think it will be very long before we will join you up there.  Save a spot for your dad and I next to you.  I love you so much.  I hope you knew that.  

Until we meet again
Your mom,
Leona 

I don't remember the month or date but we were at Round Table Pizza sitting at the round table.  A place we as a family loved to visit.  We were talking with the girls as we were waiting for our pizza and I don't even really remember what we were talking about but the word sex was in the conversation.  Well Jana's sisters didn't want to
say it out loud and didn't want to say it in front of Jana' so they spelled it.  A few moments later Jana' (like she could do so well) blurted out I know what that spells, SEX .  Her sisters were so embarassed that they crawled under the table.  That was my precious daughter.  I really have three.  Proud of all of them.

Your Mom
Leona 

While I was sorting through some of Janá's stuff, I found this prayer she wrote while we were dating.  There is no date on it, but I believe it was from the summer of 1995 when were dating, and I was working back in Hillsboro, Oregon while she stayed in Lewiston, Idaho where we went to school.

People have asked me why we had such a strong relationship; this is was the part of the foundation that she built with me.

"I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Lord, I pray that you would direct my path. I have entered into a relationship with Fred Kuest and I pray that you would let me know what you would have me do. He seems to me the type of person I would like to marry. I know our relationship is still young, but I pray it would grow into a very deep and strong, mature relationship.

I also pray that You would let me know if Fred is the man I am to marry. These feelings and this situation is very new and scary for me. I thank you for protecting me from hurts and situations that others had to go through. Lord, I don't want to do anything to hurt Fred, so I pray you would give us like hearts, so however our relationship is directed, we will go that way in unity.

God, I think I love Fred, but I am scared and confused. These feelings are new to me, and I want my feelings to reflect your will for my life. Lord, please guide and direct my life. Give me the answers that will steer my life into accordance with your plan. I give you my felationship with Fred right now. Everything that happens in it from here on out is whatever you desire. I pray that I will not let my will interfere with Your will for my life. I pray that You would give Fred the same desire, that our relationship would reflect Your will.

I love you Lord and thank you for hearing my prayer. May my life reflect Your will for my life. Thank you and again, I Love You. Amen."

As the "Scout Parent," Janá had to lead songs at the Cub Scout Pack 195 monthly Pack Meetings.  Again, Janá's child-like joy shines as she leads a song complete with motions.  Janá was always this animated especially when working with children.

Janá & Garrett had been bugging me for months to get a Wii Video Game System.  I kept having to downplay getting one for several months before Christmas because I had already decided to get one.  This video captures Janá's true child-like joy we saw all of the time.

I started having labor pains.  Went to pick up Grandma Ruse so she could watch your sisters.  On the way home we picked up 75 pounds of peaches to can.  Then stopped in Napa to get 50 pounds of beans to can.  Got home and the pains were getting harder and closer together.  Ran out of ice to blanch the beans.  Went to the neighbors to borrow some.  She asked me when I was going to the hospital and I told her "tonight".  Went to the hospital.  Our babysitter and pastor's wife were arguing if you were going to be born on the 10th or the 11th.  It was both of their birthdays.  The babysitter was celebrating her 16th birthday that night.  Well, at the hospital they only had one delivery room.  Someone else was occupying it so they told me not to push so your dad went to the cafeteria to have coffee with the pastor.  Well you decided you didn't want to wait so you were really going to town trying to come into this world.  Well, the other lady delivered so they took me in.  Your dad still having coffee.  He decided he should come and see what was going on.  He got his gown on just in time to see you enter this world.  What a great day it was .  You are and were so loved.

I really got to know Jana better my second year at Brookwood.  I had switched grade levels from 4th to 6th and rooms from 15 to a portable.  That was the year Jana taught 2nd grade at the end of wing one in room 6.  One of the strategies we had as a school for behavior issues was connecting with another grade level and being stop room buddies.  We moved to PBIS the next year, I wonder why.  Anyhow, the stop room was a place for a child who was misbehaving to go to have a break from the classroom.  They were always sent with work to do and Jana had strict orders for any of her students who came to my room. 

This particular year, Jana had a spitfire.  He was smart as a whip but refused to listen and do his work.  Almost daily, he was sent to my room.  Jana and I would joke that I should set up a desk just for him because he was there so often.  Unfortunately that joke became reality. 

The best part for me is that she became friends with the mom and the child would spend time at Fred and Jana's house. Jana had such a determination to help every child in every way and it rubbed off on others.  She KNEW this child would grow into a strong student with much to offer, it just took us a while to get him to realize it too.  Jana NEVER gave up on any child, big or small.