HOPE
is not pretending that troubles don't exist.
It's trust that they will not last forever, that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome.
It is faith that a source of strength and renewal lies within
to lead us through the dark to the sunshine.
On 10/10/2013 Janessa's little brother Jason Nephi slipped quickly and quietly out of our lives and joined her and Hope Abigail in Heaven due to miscarriage at 12 weeks. I was so looking forward to his due date 4/25/2014 because it would have been right between Janessa and Hope's angel birthdays and been such a healing moment. I looked forward to feeling him kick and move, seeing him in more detail on an ultrasound, holding him alive when he was born and hearing his first crys and seeing him open his eyes.
One thing I did get is I got to see him twice on an ultrasound and see his little heart beating. The first time I felt Janessa and Hope in the ultrasound room with us as the doctor found Jason's heartbeat and I burst into tears because it was such a healing moment!
I wish I had gotten more time with this baby, but, like my other 2 angel babies I know that all of their missions in life are over even though it was such a short time. They just needed a body and a little time to experience life and they are here to teach me lessons that have been hard for me to learn. I am so grateful for all 9 of my children. God has just given me 6 living kids to raise on earth and now 3 angels to raise during the millennium.
I don't understand why God has chosen to take another one of my children and left me with 3 holes in my heart. I feel empty, heart broken and grief stricken to loose another precious baby, but, I am NOT distraught. I know where my babies are and I have hope! :`)
Sometimes the pain of losing a child is so bad that we feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. It hurts too much to face each day without our child. However, we know that to stop living is to stop honoring our child, and so we cry, scream, sob, have meltdowns, and in the end, we face a new day praying that somehow, some way we will make it through. Hour by hour, minute by minute......sometimes that's all we can do. Child loss is a forever pain in the center of our heart that doesn't go away! It's the most piercing, gnawing, constant, lingering pain that will not go away. Every thought we have is wrapped in the pain of child loss!-Silent Grief--Clara Hinton
