Oh mom- so much more pain & sadness your girls had to endure & I include myself in that. Diana suffered so terribly it was just too hard to write about. I still can't. Seeing her in so much pain made me appreciate that God showed you mercy by taking you. What hell I was in all over again. Knowing my little girls hearts will be broken yet again. So much loss in their young lives - just not fair. I miss Diana mom too but not nearly as much as you. I used to talk to her just about every day especially after you were gone, she'd stop in for coffee to say hello & even though she wasn't you I still had that. Now theres nobody to talk to nobody to call when I'm scared & nobody to tell me everything will be ok. Seeing George watch his mom suffer more & more each day was almost more than I could handle, it tore my heart out since I know the pain he was in & knew that the pain only will get worse. but I was strong for them & strong for the girls. After you left me I was so angry, so hurt, so lost & I still am. Just when I was getting myself together I'm falling apart again. My girls don't have that special love from any grandmother now. It will definately change them. She is in St. Charles not too far from you & I hope you two are laughing together. On Mother's Day all the Hopkins went to see you & then to Diana. George was so sweet & read a poem- did you hear it? Did you know we were there? Did you like the flowers. Questions to things I will never know the answer to. Just silence- deafening silence. Just like all the times I try to talk to you. You can't answer me - your gone & now she is too. It was nice to know you had other visitors. I wish that you were able to go on that vacation. They really did enjoy your company & love you, and the fact you wanted to go made me happy since you were comfortable & loved them too. I really hope there is more than this life since I feel like all the happy times are gone & I live in dread waiting for the next blow- who will it be next? I look at myself in the mirror & see your face. Will I have the same fate as you. Will my girls continue their life of loss & pain. If not me it will be someone we love because nobody can escape death - it's just such a challenge to go on & try to be happy when you keep getting knocked down. I need you to lift me up so I can appreciate all I have & I do. On Memorisl Day today I think if Eric , his family's pain, his children.. I miss you mom - please show Diana the way & I pray you both know how much you were loved. I'm ok - just needed to talk to you. Love you forever.