Jordan.  I am so heart broken....it was March 24 2011 when you came home for spring break...  I no longer have the strength to write like I should...i miss you ...i want to say so much , it just seems my words are only words, it doesn't seem to matter , but the truth is what is always will be .  I love you Jordan David Burnett, I sometimes can't even take a breath without sadness and fear, and just a feeling like ,   I never want anyone to feel,  I love you jord..until the end of time 

Jord.....its so crazy...its almost 5 years.   Yet again it's just like yesterday....i can't really put it into words but I want and need too...ok so here I go.  I feel like I should be what everyone thinks.  Time heals.  You learn how to do things. Like work.  Smile.   Live.  Continue...that's what they say...he wants you to be happy...be wants you to laugh........the truth is jord....i smile....i laugh...but.    I just can't and will never really do what people think I should....i want to scream  still.  Even more so.     Why my baby.  Why YOU.....i never stop thinking about you....and trust me....i live with more guilt and more regret then any person could ever imagine.....i miss your smile... oh.  Your teeth gorgeous.......jord I think all the time about , how you would be. Soon 25. So still young. Always beautiful. How you would adore katelynn 

...how you would give me advice.  I just can't imagine going through this year after year....i feel selfish.  Cause I want you here....the depth of my sadness and missing you is not going to ever be able to be put into words...but. You always said. If your sad mama. Write. Or draw something....i laugh...i can't draw jord..but I will write...to you.   My true feelings...and as always Jordan David Burnett I love you until the end of time. Love your mama 

Oh jord....march is approaching,  I remember counting the days,   guess what,  I am counting the days when your sister gets here with katlynn...i wish every day you were here on this earth you would be so proud of your sister, she is a wonderful mommy, I know you know that , but it will never be the same,    you ,   you ,,deserved a life. A holiday with your neice. I will never understand why this happened..i miss you jord..when I wake up.....i think of you ...as I go through what I go throi6...i think of you ....jord. You are always with me.  I just want a jord hug...a jord smile....i miss you with all of my broken heart....i miss you ...until I see you again...i love you Jordan, until the end of time...love ALWAYS your Mama 

Alot of diseases kill a person.  Omg. There is cancer.  There is tumors. Blood disease......but what I think.  A broken heart.  I will never compare one to the other that's not for me to say.  But what I know is.  First...your heart breaks...its ripped apart....there is no medicine or therapy....there is just this feeling of part of your entire excistince was no longer there.   Every thing you could imagine in your future.  It's gone.....i miss you Jordan...i sometimes find my self reaching for my phone to call you...    everyone says there is a grieving process.  F. Them.....i feel every single day. Omg.  Can I really do this...and if I do ....ok.    the one and only reason I do is ...you know.  Your sister and my Kathlynn.  .thats the only thing keeping me here...i know you look after them ......its just so hard jord.  Missing you with every breath I take...i love you jord ..until the end of time. Love your mama

OOh. I could write a book.  About your incredible existence. It would be amazing.  A true story about a young man  who faced all odds.  A true hero...a person against all odds was true to himself.  And had more love in his heart and soul, not many encounter in any life...yes.  ...what a incredible book it would be...but the simple truth is.   I can't ...because. when you write a story or a book ...there is ALWAYS a ending....i know in my heart and in my soul...its the end of a beginning....we will always write a new chapter of our lives...its just the way ....until we meet AGAIN.  I love you jord...and I ALWAYS say until the end of time...but for us. It has been and always will be  love your mama

Btw. It seems like yesterday.:((((( I miss you so much.   

What a beautiful lady...i was leaving the store..i looked to my left...omg ...i thought I almost ran her over...so I stop to say sorry...   And this is where the short but sweet begins....she must have been 75 to 80 years old.  White hair. Dressed in all black  but classy..she said to me " I noticed what was on the back of your truck..she then asked me.  Did you put that there?   Is that your son you lost?  Of course tears started to roll down my eyes as she reached to hug me....she said " that a very beautiful "   I can't tell you which one of us told their story first...i remember me saying yes mam.  I told a short story of you passing jord...she hugged me wirh sincere years in her eyes...she then said to me ..she had just came from a funeral...he was 94.   He and his wife were married 72 years....i am not sure why this encountered....but to me it was special....she seemed to want to give me a message...i showed her the picture of you I keep on my visor...the one where I am giving you a big kiss on the cheek...of course she said you were beautiful...but the last thing she said to me before walking away is.   Maybe God really needed him.......i think. ...maybe I'll not understand the full meaning of all this...but..she did give me a message....still not sure how she appeared out of no where.   The thing I am sure of ...you ALWAYS find your way of letting me know...you are still present in my life ...and you know how much I miss you. ...but you continue to let me know. We will be reunited...thank you. I love you jord.   Until the end of time.  Love always your mama 

Your smile was one that you may only see a few times in this life...it seemed to understand you just as you would like to be understood and believed in ...your smile could light up the world.   I can't wait to see that contagious smile again my sweet jord.  I love you always until the end of time....love.  Your mama

Jord.  I will never stop writing...you are always with me.  What nobody understand. I have no more pictures...our future was taken....most often they say ..time..makes it easier..time ..heals...what they don't understand.  Time stopped.it froze....the mistakes I can never take back. The life you deserve to live ..and should have.    I am so sorry jord...thats all for now.  I could go on and on.  I just love you until the end of time. 

II know we did not spend many thanksgivingtogether....i just always wanted you to be happy and surrounded by everyone who love you ....i was ALWAYS their.  Missing you.....i love you Jordan David Burnett...not a day has passed when I have not missed your voice. Your smile  your neverening love and compassion.....words can't express how much I and so many ...miss you....somehow...i know you are watching over us.  Lol  you must be busy kiddo....i love you ....until the end of time ..love mama 

I know by the look on your beautiful face....somthing was wrong....i am sorry jord.....i am so so so sorry.  I ove love LOVE you until the end of time 

my sweet jord.  Happy birthday. I know you are with me.   I got a beautiful tattoo in your honor today...a flower you drew ..u called the flowers." A instrument of the universe"  what a talented young man you are , i am positive you are a Angel and are doing what you were ment to do..just on a higher level then this earth allowed you...i miss you and still pray everyday to be reunited with you .my precious son ..i love you until the end of time..you are ALWAYS with me. ,you are and forever will be , my hero , my teacher, my best friend and soulmate. ..love always, your mama 

MY sweet Jord. ..the 4th brings back so many beautiful memories. Always at the beach in fort Lauderdale. .oh.....how i wish i could go back in time...,,words can not express my agony and sadness..i will never stop remembering certain moments in time that i wish i could stay forever..i love the signs you send me ...and i know. Its you....but i still till this day and forever would give my heart to you...i love you Jord. Until the end of time..

MY sweet jord tomorrow is father's day..of course i miss you with every breath i take..but tomorrow is not about me..its about your papa how lucky you are to have a man in your life that loves you unconditionally. You were his world..he didn't always understand you , but his love is beautiful and real...i remember how you loved driving with him...your papa and you have a amazing bond...he was there for you ,when i couldn't be.....i know you will send him some amazing signs to let him know you watch over him and always love him....papa was the only father you had.how lucky for you..i know you know that....so my precious son..as much as i love you and miss you,,,your papa.    Misses you....so much , i know your wishing him a happy fathers day to the best man in the world!!!! I love you Jord until the end of time..love always your mama. .:'( :'( :'( :'( 

IF someone would paint a picture of love , they would paint a picture of you...not of the sky so blue...they would paint a picture of you...if someone would paint a picture of love ,they would paint a picture of you...not the stars shining on a dark summer night...the beauty of your soul ,shines so bright...,yes if someone painted a picture of love , they would paint you!!!!! I love you Jord until the end of time..love always your mama

MY sweet Jord, i wish i had something new to write to you....unfortunately i do not....i still miss you like it was yesterday, i still think about you with every breath i take , i still cry everyday with such pain in my heart. ..i still don't understand this , its literary like a nightmare i never wake from....yes we all know how you brightened the world with your smile. ..we all know the endless love and compassion you had....you would think i would be learning to live without hearing your voice....you would think i might find a way to t make sense this tragedy ....but its like being frozen in time for me.....i dont understand why God didnt realize how much i needed you......i pray everyday to be reunited with you...my heart is so broken and i will never be the same or look at the world the same....so no Jord nothing has changed. ...i just like to write to you , even though i talk to you all the time like you are right next to me...lol.  i really do....i can feel you sometimes. ...i will take what i can get...until we finally meet again...i love you my precious sweet Jord, .until the end of time....love always.   ,your mama

Jord...i was just looking at one of your pictures ..the one where you made your hair black ...you gave the. " i love you sign"  remember., you asked me to teach you sign language. ...you bought French books..,you you your and always will be my sweetheart Jord. ...p.s. i know u know. .i miss your sister.  :'(  I love you Jordan until the end of time..

Sweet Jord , another mother's day is approaching, its really hard your sister has moved away, she is starting a new chapter in her life, with your beautiful niece....Jord I can't help but think of all the what if....if only...Jord i miss your voice...i wish i could hear it on mother's day. ...i wish you could just call...but your not going to...this reality really sucks Jord. ...well wherever your at whatever beautiful adventure your on. ..i know you'll find a way to let me know your thinking of me..after all you send me very clear signs , especially when somehow you know i need one. ....just as your presence on this earth was so profound. .you have managed to make it very known to me still...i love you so much Jord. ...i still tell you every day! !!! I always will...i love you until the end of time love your mama 

ANd i ran, and at first it was a sprint ,then came the storm surrounding me , i just said ,keep running , now i am running from the hurricane, because i know there are tornados that come with this horrific storm, but you would say..."there's always a way out"  just waiting for that storm...until then i'll just keep running. Towards you Jord always with every step i take is to you....i love you until the end of time 

Not the best thing I have ever written, but here's to you Jordan, we love you.



With every step we make
And every breathe we take
We know that you are here, even when it's not so clear

You are watching over us all
Protecting us with those big, beautiful angel wings
Oh, how magnificent they must be

The smallest things remind us of you
The wind through the leaves and birds in the sky
The hot sun on our face, and the spray of ocean water

It has been a long, hard road and so strange it has been
But we take comfort, at least some
In knowing that you are all around us

There is nothing you cannot see
And nowhere you cannot be
For you have become the very air we breathe, and the earth we walk

In every moment of time
Seeping from every drop of silence
Exploding in all bouts of laughter

You are there, guiding us when we know not
Well, we see you and feel you, and we miss you
And you will remain, forever and always, a part of who we are

So we thank you for just being you
We thank you for blessing us, with your infectious energy
We thank you for all that you are, and all that you did

You have touched us all in so many ways
And we are still learning from you till the end of days
In every moment of time, drop of silence, and explosion of laughter

So again, we thank you. 

Jord....as you know yesterday was 9 years since nana passed...i lit a candle for her on your table....i wonder if you see her....there are so many things i think about Jord. ..its so CRAZY how the entire world changed when i got that dreadful worst phone call om April. 30 2012.  At 9:48 pm...omg Jord everything is so different its like the sun never came up again. ...a darkness came around me and a darkness filled my heart and soul....some may say it gets easier...that's a lie.....some say keep yourself busy that will help....another lie....I've heard it all.....i just never imagined this kind of non stop agonizing pain and emptyness i feel.....you could never imagine how much i miss you.....i did dream about you last night...somehow i feel you visit me when I'm just about to drown in this cruel world....you gave me one of your famous Jord hugs and a kiss....thank you ..i needed it!!!!!! April 30 is coming up......seems like just yesterday. ....i love you Jordan David Burnett until the end of time....love your mama

mY sweet precious jord...today is april first , i feel so sad...i know whats new right...but i keep getting these terrible agonizing feelings of sadness that come in waves.  I am ok one minute and the next i just feel my eyes filling with tears that i try to hold back...most the time my tears just flow because i cant hold them back....then my throat feels like its closing and i try to swallow because i cant breath .....then sometimes i will say out loud to you. ...please. i just want this pain to stop......and i tell myself just breath. ...i HATE April jord....i miss you all the time...but i HATE this month......i tell myself..well maybe i will make it.....and maybe i won't. ...i love you jord ,until the end of time..love always your mama

my sweet precious Jord. .thank you...you came to visit me the other night....oh when i have dream visits from you...i never want to wake up...i can feel you there with me .....its no coincidence, there are none when it comes to you,just as on earth your presence is profound, as i was saying its no coincidence this dream visit came on the first night of spring break...a week early than it was whem you flew down. ...regardless. .there you were..in a hippie van. ....and me trying to see who was in it...who is in there i said and then there you were..you opened that door and i saw that beautiful smile of yours ,with arms wide open as always,you said its me mama, wrapped your arms around me and gave me a big jordan kiss then you said come on get in.......:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(  then unfortunately i awoke feeling so happy to have seen you...but then comes my realty. ...and I'm right back..i wish i could have gotton in that van and just stayed with you forever..i miss you so much Jord. .but am thankful for any dream visit i get...even if its just for a few seconds or minutes i will take it.....i love you Jord until the end of time..love your mama

Well my precious jord...another spring break is here....another filled with memories of our last spring break together. ..oh we had a beautiful time....you were so happy and beautiful you were glowing ..,now that's all i have are memories. ...pictures .shell we collected. ....now.   utter and complete saddness agony and the longing just to be reunited with you. ...your sister and neice have moved far away as I'm sure you know being that i know you watch over your beautiful neice and sister...jord I'm so sad...there will be a beautiful eclipse tonight I'm sure you will see it you probably have a spectacular view. ..i wish i was with you..there is no place I'd rather be!!!! Know that...i love you so much jord..until the end of time..love your mama 

THis morning as i awoke..the beautiful song you sang at nanas funeral kept playing over and over in my head....then. i swear i heard you in the kitchen...i knew it was you cause the way you shuffle your feet when you walk i always used to get on you...pick up your feet jord. ....then the worst pain and agony came over my entire body right to my soul and i began to cry.....i realized your not here....i love you till the end of time .love always your mama

my precious Jord if I would have known I would have never let go of you I would have held you so tight if you only knew I would have given you my heart and not even given a thought but I didn't get that chance the thing is you do have my heart you took it with you when you passed....I will never have it back again until we meet again with all my love I love you until the end of time love always your mama

My precious jord im thinking of you...always. but i was looking at your pictures that are everywhere. .i know you know that..anyway a thought crossed my mind that im ready to write about...maybe just maybe the divine universe saw somthing in you that i saw..such a glow.  Such energy sourding you..im angry and sad and heartbroken. .lost. .empty...but you..jord you are meant for greatness. It never occurred to me it wouldn't be here on this earth. I feel like you can actually read and hear my words....we loved our deep conversations. Even if no one else got it..we did..i love you jord until the end of time..love always your mama

tomorrow will be Valentine's Day I love you since the minute he grew inside of me I love you now I have loved you my whole life you are my heart you are my soul you are every fiber in meyou are still every breath that I takeyou are my hero you are my teacheryou are everything to me you are always on my mind everything reminds me of you I love you so much Jordan I look forward to The day when we meet again as You are the best part of me...always have been always will be I love you until the end of time love always your mama

MY Precious jord. I need a hug from you i want just one more special jord hug...just one.  I miss you..i miss you.i need you...i love you till the end of time...love your mama..

MY Precious Jord today i am thinking about spring.....and it makes me so sad..,,,your always on my mind .,,,,with every breath i take, ,,but all these memories come to me thinking of spring....remember you would call me almost every day at 11:30 and i would laugh and remind you. ...im doing circle time.  Call me at 12:30.....you would call and we would count down the days that you would be home to visit..,i even had a count down on my circle time calendar at work.....yes we counted down the days and talked about the stuff we would do...i asked you what you wanted for breakfast the morning you flew in....it was such a early flight...and i had to work half a day,,.....you wanted everything bagels with avocado. .....i remember i could not sleep the night before. ...words cant describe how excited i was and your beautiful sister could not wait either. ...we were so silly getting up that morning taking selfies on the way to the airport......so...when i hear people counting down the days till spring. ..it makes me want to scream.......now all i have are memories jord. ...when all i want to do is walk on the beach with you..hand n hand....all i want is you......i love you jord until the end of time..love always your mama

I just can't stop thinking about you...your always on my mind...i cant stop crying. ..i miss you so much....this is horrifying, ,,,,,oh god jord i miss you...i love you till the end of time. ....love always your mama...O:-) :'( 

mY sweet jord....i went on my facebook this morning., i have found many people who have also lost their child....it has givin me some comfort to hear their stories and share ours.this morning however, when i opened my Facebook. .sara had posted a picture of you and here and j ..when your papa and meme picked you up soaking wet hungry. ....they drove so long for the young man they would do anything for....oh how they love you..you were truly blessed to have your papa and meme....i know you knew that..anyway i love the picture sara posted..you always made the best out of things. You always smiling or being goofy or making others smile. ...including me.:'(  its a tough day for me jord...every day is difficult without your smile your voice. .your encouragement. ...i need you.i am so lost...i love you jord until the end of time...love always your mama

my sweet precious JORD. ...another year...another year has gone by another year of pain, ,,,another year of sadness, ,,,,another year of sorrow,,,,,,another year of emptyness in my heart and soul,,,,,,another year,,,,,,,,without you my sweet Angel .nothing has changed, ...maybe even it gets worse....i only have what could have and should have been......you should be celebrating a new year, ,,,,.........i just miss you with all that is left in me,,,,,waiting till the day we meet again, ,,,,,,thats the day i will celebrate. ..until then. ...I'll live in my hell i have created. .....oh how i wish i could call you at 12:00 and hear your sweet voice,,,,,...i love you jord...until the end of time.love always your mama:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( 

Merry Christmas my precious sweet Angel. ,I am missing you so much ,i know you watch from where you are ,so you see your unbelievably beautiful niece and you would be so proud of your sister she is such a wonderful mommy I wish you were here because you would be the best uncle ever I wish you were here for a lot of reasonsI want so badly to give you a Christmas Hug I miss you so much , i watched the movie yesterday ...if i stay......you have the book with your collection. ...it made me sad....because i wish you could have had more time.....i wish i had more time with you here...,what i would do just for one more day.......i love you jordan david ...you will be missed today as you are missed every day. ......i love you till the end of time...love always ,,your mama.,:'( :'( :'( :'( 

MY Precious Jord. ...how i wish i could turn back time,..just once. I remember those Christmas eves.....nana always sitting at the kids table....my favorite was always the white elephant gifts......how fun was that.....remember when jim mills got the fake lottery ticket...he really thought he won. ....remember how you n skye could never wait till Christmas morning to open your presents.....there are so many beautiful memories. ....,,now....for me ...i just go through the motions. ....now jord there is just emptyness. ....a huge void....our family will never be the same.....i as you know will never ever be the same......i just exist now...i breathe i may smile. .,,but the truth is all i want is you.......i love you jord until the end of time love always your mama

my precious Jordan I was just going to go wrap some Christmas presents for your beautiful niece and I can't help to feel so sad I remember I think Christmas present for you always got you some crazy boxers and maybe some things you didn't like but I tried always to get you what you wanted this is so hard I didn't know that I could be so sad I miss you so much I always get you a gift and put it in your special Christmas Box I miss you so much sweetheart you're always on my mind in my heart and embedded in my soul I love you until the end of time love always your momma

MY Precious jord., I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you so much I didn't know it was possible to cry every day of your life I will cry everyday until I see you again i just want to see you hear your voice get a hug i hate this jord  I love you until the end of time love always your mom

Jord. ...i am thinking of you always. .,your always on my mind in my heart and soul. .i know i was never a perfect mom.i know my choices were not always right. ...i live and brethe my mistakes. ..i have lost my soul with guilt of what. Could have been if i believed. In my self...truth..i never felt i was good enough. For you..i always thought you deserved a better mom than me...but one thing is true. ..i have and always will love you....i know in my heart you know that. ....,until the end of time..,love always. Your mama

HAppy thanksgiving my sweet Angel, i am thinking of you today as i think of you everyday, i remember you telling me about your tofurkey lol....i miss you so much,i wish i could just hear your voice, i wish you were here to see your beautiful neice on her first thanksgiving. .....i dont understand this jord? I love you until the end of time.happy thanksgiving, love always your mama

JOrd as you know because I know you watch over us all your sister turned 18 today she has a beautiful baby and I know you're watching over her and you're her guardian angel I wish you could have been here just see your sister turn 18 and see what a beautiful young lady and mother she has turned out to beI feel you everywhere all around me and I miss you so much as you know because I tell you all the timealright some stuff soonyou know me as you always said I get a little bit too emotional I miss you I miss your sense of humor I miss your hugs I miss your smile but I am comforted by the signs you give me that you were still here with us alllove always your momma

TOday i am lost and sad., Skye is turning 18. I remember you at 18. ,we surprised you at a club...you did not expect me there..i would never miss that ..,.i miss you jord...i want to write more but i cant..i have this hole in my heart a emptyness in my soul that is indescribable. Its painful to the deepest part of me.who ever i am now. .i am just breathing. .thats all ...i don't understand any of this..all i know is agony sorrow and a loss beyond all ...ayou gave me hope...such a beautiful person, such a unique soul. I miss you...i just want to see you hug you ,i tell you a thousand times a day i love you...one thing i know you know it should have been me ...i would give you my heart. ..without even thinking about it...if only. ..if...unfortunately we did not have that choice. .y??idk..i only know the emptiness i feel without you.....i love you jord until the end of time...love always your mama

I never really thought about flipping a page on a calendar could be so emotional. ...days go by then weeks .,  then next thing you know ...its November. ..,and as you flip that page...i suddenly realized. ....nothing has changed. ...i still cry everyday. ..i still wonder why???? The only difference is ..the hole in my heart seems bigger.....until the end of time...always your mama

MY Precious Angel you loved Halloween. ..well there isnt much you didn't love. ...you found beauty in everything and every one. ...as you know ,because i know you watch over me.....as you know I have a beautiful table set up for you that I change with every season your Halloween table looks pretty cool tonight I'll be carving a pumpkin in your honor and always thinking of you I miss you so much and I love you until the end of time always love mama

HAppyHalloween my sweet precious Jord this was one of your favorite holidays you're so creative I remember you making costumes for your friends I miss you so much still hurts me so bad I wish you were here but I know you're around looking after me and your beautiful niece and beautiful sister you are always going to be my angel until the end of time I love you always your momma

Jord....I will miss your phone call 12:01 a.m. I am lucky to be having lunch with your sister and my beautiful granddaughter and your beautiful niece I know you would have been the most wonderful uncle and I know wherever you are you are looking out for us and surround us with your love always I wish I could hear your voice for my birthday I love you so much always until the end of time

MY Precious jord as my birthday approaches i feel more sadness and sorrow than ever...not a hour a minute a second goes by when your not on my mind..i often wonder hoe much more pain in my heart and soul missing you can i handle. ..i want your vall at 12:01 am ..happy birthday mama ...your 29 and beautiful. ....the agony is unbelievable. ....i hate my birthday. ..i cant hear your voice ..your comforting words....i miss you and the pain is becoming unbearable. ....i take it only fay by day. .one moment at a time....i dont know how much more i can feel this emptiness. ..i love you until the end of time...always...your mama

MY sweet jord ....i miss you second of every day with every breath that I take you are the most amazing person soul I have ever known I will ever know you are my heart and I miss you so much I don't know sometimes how I can even breathe without youI love you so much always have I always will I look forward and pray everyday I will see you soon although I am happy in my relationship nothing compares to your love and your spirit and your smile and your hugs and your outlook on life you will always be my hero and I look forward to the day and pray for the day when I can see you again

MY.  Precious jord...your my heart and my soul....you gave me a reason. .to live to love to accept...,you alone love me with all my imperfections. ..love me for me....and now all i have is memories. ...you will always be my soulmate, ,,,i am missing you so much..you loved Halloween. ..remember you went to Halloween horror nights you had a pass...you went every night...you had fun and enjoyed your time on this earth. ..i just have one question. ..,,why did you leave me..,,,i  .  Love you until the end of time..always your mama,,

MY sweet jord.....i miss you so much..words cant even begin to describe my agony and pain that i feel everyday of my life , with every breath that i take.,,,i miss you ,this is impossible. .people have told me it gets better ,well it hasn't, it never will my life will never be the same ,i just take it day by day and the only thing that i have to look forward to ever again, is the day i see you again..i love you till the end of time..always your mama