JOrd.  you know why I talk to you all the timeI miss you and you know that but it's so strange but not really because we always said no matter what food be there for each other in our past lives in this life and in the next when I least expect it I feel you I could almost here you telling me its going to be OK mamasome may call me crazy I know and you know where we spoke about knowing each other for centuries as some might find that weird someane find that whatever they think it's what we talked about and what we knewthen what I know now is that when I'm feeling very down and very low I can feel you I miss you Jordan I miss you everyday of my life every breath that I take I miss you I will love youthe end of timeand when I feel your arms wrapped around me telling me everything alrightI miss you so much love always your mama

JOrd....i wish you were here. .you had a way of making everything better..with a simple most greatest hugs ever. ..with your smile and always how you had words of encouragement. ...i miss you beyond words i love you till the end of time..always your mama

MY sweet precious jord...i know you hear my words i know your always with me in spirit at my darkest hours.....i know how much you love your family. .....i encourage the family as you always wanted me to feel loved .....your energy is strong and i need you to give our family some hope ....some compassion for one another. And a deep understanding of pulling together not just in tragedy., but in life.....i miss you...your encouragement and unconditional love even in spirit is needed now more than ever....your watching from above .....i believe your courage and being who you are in this life and the next will help guide this family. ....i know in my heart your looking after all of us.....i love you jord.until the end of time....love always your mama

ITs been 2 years 4 months and a few days since the last time i heard your voice...the "family"  was out to dinner at you know that Italian place at the mall where your friend Becky worked...i called you and passed the phone around. .the last words you ever said to me ...i love you...ill talk to you tomorrow. ...tomorrow never came....i would never hear your voice again....i would never...ever have imagined the agony that was to come....this world confuses me...i used to have a dream. ...i was in a room no Windows no doors..it was round and red.....in that dream i never found a way out...i was trapped. ...i often wonder if that was not a premonition of what was to come....we believed in Destiny and fate .....we spoke of many things...we are here to learn you said....so i am waiting for my lesson. ..i miss you jord.....you are where ever you are ....your busy doing what you did here....loving.....teaching.others what true love really is.......thats one of your many gifts. ..i love you jord. Until the end of time..always your mama 

Just watched one of our favorite movies. ...no need to say which one...there were many. ...this one inspired me to write. ...just as you always encouraged me...especially when i felt down. .....my thoughts are of this.....you wake up in the morning as the sun rises. ....you dont go to bed without the sun setting and darkness falls ....so you expect the sun to rise and set everyday as it does......what you never expected is that one day the sun rises and when the sun sets.....that the sun will never rise again.....that you will awake only to darkness. ....even if the sun is blazing on your skin and you feel and hear the calmness of the ocean......you never think today ..the sun will rise and set for the very last time....you never saw this world like that....every day was a wonder to you ....beauty. ...love....i miss you so much.....you were and always will be the sunrise i long to see ....for now....its a bitter dark sunset.....and im just waiting for that perfect sunrise. .....i love you until the end of time..love always your mama

MY sweet jord ,how i wish you were here, i will never use this beautiful website, but to remember you and your beauty., and your unconditional love you had for this world i live in....what im feeling now. .is sadness that the message you not only spoke of ,but lived. ...you my precious jord. .loved ..and im deeply surprised that people have not learned anything by loosing such a precious person and what your entire soul was all about. ...you found love and joy in everything and every one. ....the story you wrote ......about how important family is......i pray everyday. ...i pray for the family you loved so much....tragedy has befallen our family.....but you lived you loved....and yet....it has done nothing but have them gossip and talk....that's exactly what you did not want. ....im sorry jord. .for my mistakes. .i can't change. ...i only wish ..what you really wanted could be real. ....unfortunately. ...its not....but i honor you and you have and always will be my hero......you....you.....if they only knew......atleast i know jord.....no one is right no one is wrong ...one of the many things you taught me ....is just to love. ..i miss you so much and love you till the end of time....love always. ...your mama 

Today. ....as everyday your on my mind..but today my heart feels heavy ....and disappointed. ....i am your mom...it was my job my honor my everything to protect you....keep you safe.....i am gonna keep this short jord...all i can say ,which changes nothing is....I'm so sorry i let you down...in the worst way. ....a life time left with regret...of choices i made.....if only...one different choice. ...you would be on this earth,..i just hope you know how very sorry i am .....i will always and have always. .and will forever love you till the end of time...love always, your mama

WHen i stair at the ocean , i remember looking into your beautiful blue eyes, so many shades of blue and grey....like the waves crashing against the sand ,your eyes alone told a amazing story ,like the depth of the ocean, ,,so deep and magnificent pure beauty and innocence. .your soul not only shined through your piercing eyes ,your smile your selflessness. ....your unbelievable angelic nature ....as always im thinking of you.....and missing you....until we meet again. ...i love you till the end of time....

MY beautiful son,my soulmate. ..happy birthday gorgeous....i as always miss you your smile ,your comforting way your kindness and understanding of life..you had the ability to see this cruel world through angel eyes, you saw the good in all everyone and everything. ....happy birthday sweet sweet boy.....i love you until the end of time...i love and cherish every moment god blessed me...allowing you to be my son and a beautiful part the most important part of my life....happy birthday jord i miss you so much...

MY sweet jord....i am remembering that my water broke at 2 am .....i was scared. .but so excited at the same time....22 years ago seems like yesterday to me....its crazy...i kept asking the doctor shouldn't i be in some pain. ..by the time i was......12pm. It was too late...the doctor said just push....and like the miracle you are ...there you were 15 min.later...a beautiful perfect baby boy...with big blue eyes curly blond hair....and a glow surrounded you......a wonderful blessing .....you changed my world forever. ....not in the loss of your beautiful soul, but the way you simply lived your life.....im thinking of you always and will continue tomorrow. ...the blessed day you entered this world..love you until the end of time..,,,always your mama

My precious jord....your birthday comes closer and closer, i think of how we did not just celebrate the day you were born, i think today of how we made it "a week of celebration. .....bringing a life into this world...even though i was young the day you changed my world forever...it was always a joke between us...and your beautiful sister too..i will always and forever thank the universe and blessing me to be your mama...i know you dont want me to be sad....i know. ...you know thats not what you would want...so i just treasure the wonderful memories i have of you. Your pure heart and amazing soul....i love you jord..i miss you till the end of time..always your mama....

“There is a place where the sidewalk ends And before the street begins, And there the grass grows soft and white, And there the sun burns crimson bright, And there the moon-bird rests from his flight To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black And the dark street winds and bends. Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And watch where the chalk-white arrows go To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, For the children, they mark, and the children, they know The place where the sidewalk ends.”  ―    Shel Silverstein,    Where the Sidewalk Ends


Love and miss you Jord!  

I absolutely love this quote!  It so describes you Jord!  If only we could all strive to achieve this.  I love you!

  I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death. 

 - Leonardo da Vinci 

I remember this day, very clearly. It was the first day that I met your family. I was so excited and nervous to meet them. I remember asking you before we got on the plane, "What if they don't like me?" your response, "Oh shut up Warren! They already love you because I do." I didn't know how very true that was until I did meet them. And you were just estatic to be seeing your family. To see how much they had grown since you had been gone. But now you are truly gone. Tip-toeing on tightropes, high in the heavens. And dancing with fairies on the sun's surface. I miss you my Mate. And I think of you so often. It still hurts. But I understand that you had some place. A higher plane that was calling to you. I didn't want you to go. Not without me. But it seems that's the way it just had to be. Perhaps one day I will understand why. Never forget me Jordan. I love you always.

Jordan, I miss you so much. It's hard for me to think or talk about this anymore. As time goes on it becomes more real and I hate the feeling I have. I feel so empty. I'm going through a lot right now, I wish I could just sit down and tell you everything. I wish I has you here to protect me. Nothing really means anything anymore. As time goes on my feeling hide more and more. I miss your voice, I miss your laugh. I miss our hush conversations late at night. I miss our adventures to places nobody could dream of. I miss everything. You truely were and still are my idol. I'm not going to lie I think about you everyday more than people know.. I keep it all to myself. But right now, I need you. I need you more than ever. I love you Jord. Rest in Peace and Watch over me.

We little knew that day, God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly, In death, we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone. For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories, Your love is still our guide. And although we cannot see you, You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken, And nothing seems the same, But as God calls us one by one, The chain will link again.

~ Ron Tranmer

Jord, I remember almost since you could walk and talk you coming up behind me and putting your arms around my neck and saying, “I love you Papa.” I used to think like any grandparent or parent would,  “Ok Jord what do you want?” Well it took me 19 years to realize you wanted nothing from anyone. Your love came naturally unconditional; the real thing people only hope to feel in their lifetime. There is a huge void in my heart that cannot be filled by anyone or anything but you Bud. So until I see you again I will have to settle for loving, missing, and thinking of you. And I will eternally feel this way. Until I hear those words, “I love you Papa,” and see that dazzling smile and beautiful blue eyes. I love you Jordan David. I am so proud to be your Papa.

Everytime I listen to this song, these lyrics make me think of you..

The wake is over
We gotta leave because they said so 
I want to tell you
I want to tell you
But you're dead, so

Golden light
So way up high
So wave goodbye

Tonight you'll find
That nothing's ever lost forever
It's just caught inside the cushions of your couch
And when you find it
You'll have such a nice surprise
Nothing's ever lost forever
It's just hiding in the recess of your mind
And when you need it
It will come to you at night

No one's ever lost forever
When they die they go away
But they will visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid
No one's ever lost forever
They are caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are 

                      - "Lost" by Amanda Palmer 

I keep having this reaocuring dream. It's where we, being me and my family, are in London having a family reunion. We in one of the towering overlooking the city when a small note falls from the ceiling. It landed in my grandmothers hands and she cried as she read it. She said it was from Jordan but never told me what it said. I looked out the window and saw a fifteen year-old Jordan watching us from the top of one of the towers. I went to get everyone but he was gone when I got them their. My aunts and mom have seen other things that include Jordan. This is proof that he is watching us.