Simply a good person

Thank you to all who have gathered today to commemorate the passing and to celebrate the life of Joy.  

This is not a day for black, but for colourful stories and memories.

Being a dutiful son I have ALWAYS done as my mother has asked. Except for today! She would often say “don’t make a fuss over me, I’m alright.  Look after yourselves, you all have so much more to do.” Sorry Mum but today I have to ignore what you ask and I WILL make a fuss.

On behalf of my father John, sister Carol & her husband Gavin, my wife Robyn, our respective children Adair, Danica, Julian & Tessa and Joy’s brother Max, his wife Lorraine and their family we are grateful for those that have travelled from near and far and for those who are unable to attend but have sent messages of warmth & compassion in our time of sorrow.

A special thank you to all of the medical staff who have helped Joy and our family over many years especially the nurses and doctors at Monash Medical Centre for their respect, care and understanding. In particular i wish to thank Dr Peter Giles her GP over the last 30 years as well as her respiratory specialists Dr Tran & Dr Ho.

You will have known Joy a little, a lot, or for a lifetime in the many different aspects of her life. I hope to impart to you some other elements of her that you may not know or remind you of a special moment that you shared with Joy.

I’ll start at the beginning. Born Joy Pamela Ostler in Melbourne in 1943 in the same year as Judith Durham & Ian Chappell. It was also the year that John Curtain was re-elected to govern another term and was joined in the parliament by Enid Lyons and Dorothy Tangney as the first women of Federal Parliament. A sign that 1943 marked a year for determined women.

Joy was welcomed into the loving family home of Alec & Pamela Ostler in Southernhay Street, Regent, joining her 2 older siblings Beryl & Max.

At the tender age of 4 she was diagnosed with bronchiectasis that would eventually take its toll.

Primary school years at Tyler Street State School were interrupted by her illness as it worsened, resulting in some schooling by correspondence. She was treated at the Royal Children’s Hospital where at the age of 12 she underwent a Lobectomy to remove all of one lung and a small section of her remaining lung, requiring her to live with less than ½ of a normal person’s lung capacity.

Despite this early setback Joy’s determination became a hallmark of her attitude to life. Her mother despondently told Joy the “she would not make old bones”. While she was not expected to live beyond 40 and given little chance of becoming a mother she promptly turned around and proved everyone wrong by living an active, busy and wonderfully full life, led by her strong faith in God and involvement at Regent Baptist Church where her brother-in-law Aubrey Horsfall was an influential contributor. She played tennis for the Church, had summer holidays with her family at Dromana and enjoyed swimming and sun bathing.

She returned to school at Reservoir High which was followed by a secretarial college course. She began her working life before turning 16, firstly as a secretary at a furniture manufacturer in Northcote. She also worked as a tea lady in the Alexanders Menswear head office in Preston and in the office of a meat processor in Carlton.

At the instigation of her cousin, Gwen, she went on a blind date to a dance at the Heidelberg Town Hall where she was matched up with the charming and dapper John Stickland. You’ll see in the photos some of reasons for Johns attraction, she was quite a stunner!

They married in 1960 and have been close and caring companions for 51 years of life’s slings and arrows.

They were gifted with the miracle of a child when my sister Carol arrived in 1961. The miracle was repeated 2 years later when I announced myself to the world.

A big decision was made to purchase some land and eventually build a house far away in the outlying semi country setting of Notting Hill, where in Risdon Drive Joy and John put down their roots. Being partners in life turned to partners in business where Joy was side by side with John in every endeavour they embarked upon. John often said it was Joy’s unwavering emotional and physical support that enabled the business’s to survive the ups and downs of the retail and catering world over the years.

With the move to a new side of town they started a long and increasingly strong tie to the fellowship and worship here at Syndal Baptist.

Although Joy has had a busy life, working part time while raising a young family and supporting her entrepreneurial husband, she continued to put others needs ahead of her own.  She felt a strong community responsibility and found time to be president of the Social Club of the Rye Yacht Club for 5 years. Later she was the Treasurer for Friends of Melbourne Colorectal Service (Bowel Cancer Research) at Royal Melbourne Hospital & a Religious educator at local primary schools. Up until just 2 years ago Joy was still delivering meals on wheels.

As if this was not enough she also took an active and regular role in caring for and nurturing her grandchildren – Adair, Julian, Danica and Tessa

Family was the key for Joy. She would do everything and anything for her family in spite of her limited physical ability. We never wanted for love, affection, food or clean clothing. That was all in a mornings activities. The product of 1950’s etiquette and expectations, she saw her place as being the keeper of the house, but she was so much more than that.

Her natural disposition to caring and providing was not limited to her own family with many friends of Carol and I being “adopted” into our family. She built an especially strong bond with Robyn & Gavin whom she welcomed and cared for as if they were her own.

But it was not all good motherhood! I ask you, who would put their child on a public bus to make his own way to kindergarten at the age of 4? This was only when circumstances left no other choice and it was just a few stops. She would put me on the bus in the front seat with the driver and the teacher would be at the bus stop waiting for me. Quite unthinkable today!

I looked forward with anticipation to seeing her smiling face at the end of the day. Unaware of her limitations, I would race her and marvel at my athletic ability in that I always arrived first. She never offered an excuse but simply said “I cannot run as fast as you”

Long and languid holidays at Rye were a highlight for the whole family, where many long lasting friendships were forged for all of us. Even after Carol and I had left for other places and new beginnings John and Joy continued the annual migration for many years, such was the lure of friendship. It was at this time that I became aware that apart from Christianity, Joy worshipped a false god in the Sun God. She was very fond of getting into her bathers and sitting in the sun enjoying a quiet moment or the company of a constant stream of visitors.

As her health deteriorated and the picturesque caravan site did not have adequate facilities the annual summer pilgrimage was exchanged for a winter pilgrimage to Queensland. While the travelling was sometimes taxing, the health benefits of the warmer air were evident. It also provided the opportunity to visit cousins, brothers and friends along the way, as well as making new friendships as Joy did easily.

More recently Probus club outings became another avenue for friendships and for Joy to be involved in helping whenever she was able.

Who was Joy?

These are just some of the ways she was seen. Please add your own to my inadequate list.

Loving Daughter & Sister Loving & devoted wife to John - Director of his life. Wonderful Mother & Nana, Mother- in- law, Friend & Confidant Worshipper & friend in faith Broad sense of humour and lover of innocent pranks Beach loving “bathing beauty” Swimming coach & family cheer squad Stage mother, costume maker, makeup artist and unofficial Calisthenics judge Physio & dietician to a try hard footballer Harbour master for sunburnt or frozen sailors Rev Head, not wanting to leave Calder Raceway when John had finished work there for the day, until the last race was decided. One eyed essondon supporter who appears to have been not so secretly in love with her Timmy Watson. Fundraiser Knitter, avid reader of trashy novels Lover of musical theatre Player of board games & cards Gardener with a fondness for Roses

Joy thought that she lived an uninteresting life and sometimes questioned God’s purpose for her. True she did not travel to faraway lands but you don’t need to travel to reach out and touch another soul? That was her purpose & gift.

Always interested in others and their lives and encouraging them to get the best out of themselves.

Rarely spoke a bad word about anyone (unless they barracked for Collingwood or Carlton) or if you got between her and chocolate.

Joy is best described in this dictionary definition of the word JOY. “The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.” That is the Joy that we knew.

Her traits are well known although some she kept hidden – add your own to this list:

Loyal Giver of Unconditional love Humble and not one to gather material possessions. However she was an excellent collector of friends Deep faith in the word of God Strength and stamina beyond expectation Stoic - never complaining except when her body would not live up to the commands of her mind Generous Selfless, Self Sacrificing – aware of the comfort and needs of others Supportive – even when we made unwise choices Hard working Head strong & determined In Yiddish she would be referred to a mentsh - An honourable, decent, authentic person who helps you when you need help Enjoyed life in spite of and beyond her limitations. Even at the end as evidenced by those that came to see her in her final days, she commented “we’re having a party!”

I was honoured along with all of our family to be with her through her last days. To see her happiness in knowing that she would soon be in the Lord’s arms and her sense of release in knowing her time had come. Then, with Dad,  we were able to hold her as she took her last breath, peaceful, calm and as was often her way, on her terms, she left her earthly, beautiful, yet imperfect body.

She wanted everyone to get the most from their lives and she implored us not to dwell on her passing. I for one will try to live by this impossible request by celebrating the memories and love that we shared and I feel better for having had those times, rather than the loss and emptiness her passing brings.

 This prose from an unknown author reflects all that I have tried to say in a concise and elegant manner. It summarises my many conversations with Mum in recent years.

Miss Me, But Let Me Go

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me,

 

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

 

Miss me a little – but not too long

And not with your head bowed low.

 

Remember the love that once was shared

Miss me, but let me go.

 

For this is a journey we all must take

And each must go alone.

 

It’s all part of the master’s plan,

A step on the road to home.

 

When you are lonely and sick of heart,

Go to the friends we know.

 

Bear your sorrow in good deeds.

Miss me, but let me go.

 

God Bless you Joy, Mum, Nana. Rest in Peace