Seven years, today, Laryssa. Seven years. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and how things should have been different. Woulda, coulda, shoulda....if only...why,,,I talk to you every day hoping that you can somehow hear me say I Love you. It's hard to keep going sometimes. Missing you, your dad, my mom and sisters. It's like walking half in one world and half in another. Death is inevitable, I get it. But I never thought that this would be how it all would be. Losing loved ones is hard. But losing a child, no matter what age is unthinkable. Life as we know it just shatters into a million pieces. and we are left to somehow survive and try to put the pieces back together. Trouble is, there are so many pieces missing. Life can never be whole again. I think of you in heaven with your dad and Darlene and Vickie. I know you are with Grandma too. I know that you are probably taking care of all our animals, too. I love you, beautiful girl. I miss you. I know I will see you again, one day. I am sending you a million hugs and kisses until then.

Laryssa, I thought of us yesterday. The night the cop stopped us after I had pick you up from a game in sparta. How I blew up and threw a fit...and you sat there not saying a word but probably thinking "oh no, she's going to get arrested! I laugh about it now, but I also cry. I miss you Lisa. I miss you so much. I LOVE YOU.

This isn't a tribute...just some gibberish by an old foolish lady who can't forget the past.Well some, but not some others. I love looking at the photos of this little girl which happened to be my Beautiful niece. She gave everyone the most joy by being exceptionally smart..Like her Daddy, no doubt. Just want this Little. Angel to know this foolish old ladys heart cries everyday and misses her surely. wherever this Angels wings have landed her for a better life. Miss you Laryssa.

Today is your birthday and you are not here. We miss you so very much. I hate this world without you in it. Every day I am at a loss. I go on living, but it is not the same. I hope and pray that there is a heaven. I have to believe that there is. and that I will see you again. I love you. And miss you.

My Beautiful, Precious Daughter, I miss you every day. It strikes me hard to realize that life goes on and so many things you have missed. Some good but some bad as well. I know you would be questioning why the world is the way it is and in your usual way, you would give me your opinion on such subjects. I think of you when I watch a movie or T.V. program that I think you would have liked. So many places we did not get to go. All the things that I took for granted. Time being the biggest one. Well, I got showed, didn't I. Life took you. You,of all people. But that is the way it goes. So many parents in this world grieving the same way. Missing their precious children, also. I love you. I love you more than you can know. I will keep looking for signs and I will keep talking to you. You may not answer, but I know you are listening.

My Beautiful Laryssa, my beautiful angel. I miss you more as each day passes. Six years have passed. Six years of longing to see you again. To talk to you, to laugh with you. To be able to hug you. We miss you, terribly. I love you. Always.

Thinking of you and your Dad today. I miss you both. What I wouldnt give to hear your laughter and to hear your Dad say my name one more time. Take all those days of the past forgranted.. not knowing how terribly sad the future is up ahead. I miss you both so, so very much. I love you.

Today is your birthday. You would have been 38 years old. Laryssa, on that day, back in 1983, God blessed me with such a beautiful baby, that grew to be such a beautiful , smart soul. Your life was cut short. You didn't get to do all the things that you wanted to do. And that makes me sad. I don't know what God has in store for us. I can only hope and believe that there is a heaven and that it is more beautiful than earth. And hoping that God knows how truely precious you are. I hope that you are able to explore all that heaven has to offer. And on this day, I hope that you are smothered with love from your Grandmas and Grandpas, and your aunt's Vickie and Darlene, and uncle Gary and so, so many others. And I know that your Dad is with you, as well. All the fur babies that you have loved and cared for. We miss you so very much. Today is your day. I love you. Happy Birthday, Love.

Lisa, Its 3:00 a.m. I am looking out at the night sky. It brings me great sadness in some sense because I think of everyone that I have lost that meant so very much to me. I am reminded of everyday by things or animals that I have placed on them to represent them in my world. To me, you are the Moon. The Moon because you are nothing less. It shines so brightly and it seems to be there for all the world to see. It has many faces that shows its feelings through its expressions on your face. And yes, there are times when you dont feel like showing up through the clouds...I know you could be stubborn. I also know that you will be just as bright the next time because thats the Force of energy you put into everything you ever did in your life. I love you so much and I miss you greatly.

My beautiful girl, I am thinking about you, today, as the rain comes slowly down. We loved the rain. I miss you. So many things you are missing out on. Some good, some not so good. You would have kind of laughed at the whole co-vid thing. But you would have been serious about it, too. You were always knowledgeable about the world and what was going on in it. All the new shows on T.V.. We could have talked for hours. I miss you so damn much. I love you. And I will see you again.

Hello Lisa. Thinking of you and your Dad. Missing you everyday. Your probably pretty busy with all the animals wanting all your attention! Just know that we LOVE YOU YOU VERY MUCH.

Miss you so very much, Laryssa.

Hello there Miss Laryssa, Today is a day that I wish with everything inside of me that I could erase. Not only for me, but for your Mother and your sisters and brother. I know their hearts are broken and yet they struggle through everyday.. you are so, so much missed. Not a day goes by that I dont think of you. Whether it be an animal that I know you would want to take in, or a beautiful sunrise or the stars at night lighting up the skies. You were a tremendous force that I guess God wanted as a leader of Angels. That I am sure you are. I am sure you are . My heart will always be full of love for you. I love you today Lisa. I will love you forever.

Laryssa, looks like it snowed a little last night. I am thinking of you this morning. I think of you and your Dad everyday. I miss you both so very, very much. What I wouldnt give to see your beautiful, big brown eyes and your smile. To hear your Dads laughter once again.. I miss you both and LOVE YOU TREMENDOUSLY. 

Hello Lisa, Another year of knowing that you are not here with us. Brings many tears. Baby, you were such a beautiful child. Living for life. You never got to have that guy that loved you so desperately. You so deserved to have had that Laryssa. I love you and miss you.

Tears are flowing this Christmas. I miss you so much. You should be here. I am sending love your way. You are in our thoughts always. Miss you. Love you. Sending hugs to Heaven.

All the beautiful pictures showing you from a little girl to growing up through the years. So many memories of you. To live in a world of what it has become and knowing you are not here with us...here is totally inconceivable. I miss you and think of you and your Father EVERY-DAY. I LOVE YOU.

I miss you, Laryssa. Forever and always.

Laryssa, you come to me everyday, in some way shape or form. A song on the radio, or just a thought. Sometimes I can see you in my dreams. I love you and I miss you. But I also know that you are surrounded by so much love. I wish for you to be here, but I know that is impossible. Love is infinite.... I love you and someday we will walk together

Laryssa, your Mother put up a video of you and your sister driving back out to California. You, as Fearless as ever and your sister trusting you all the way. Two little girls from a small town, playing on their swings in the backyard to traveling across the country together on your own. Its the way it was. You..Fearless, Determined to live your life with no boundaries..your sister, always the Romantic, Fairytale and Rainbows. I love you both so,so much. I miss you Laryssa terribly.

Laryssa, so many things you didn't get to experience. The biggest was to find a love that would treasure you. That when things got you down, he would know how to make you smile. Someone that would go to the end of the earth to win your heart. Laryssa, you didn't get to have the love that you should have found. I know this. I love you Lisa.

All the should of's, The could of's, the would of's. The whys and the why nots. If only I would've known the truth to it all. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. He has moved on and that's okay. You are still here, with us. You will always be. I know you are with God, and I know that you are with your Dad and Grandma's and Grandpa's. I can still see your beautiful smiling face whenever I think about you. Which is every day. I love you, keep sending the signs because I am getting them You are forever in my arms.

Laryssa, you are so missed. I think of you everyday and I think of you missing out on life. It makes me sick. I love you Laryssa.

Laryssa, today marks 4 years. You took your last breath 4 years ago, today. I now know what it is like to live in hell, everyday. I miss you so much. I try to keep it together, but some days are really hard. All the things we didn't get to do. Some day, I will see you again. Until then, I will keep watch for the signs that you send. I love you. And I know that you are still with me, always.

I know you are always with me, Babe. I love you and I miss you.

Today is another Christmas without you here. The world is such a strange place now that your dad and you, are not here. People say that you have to move on. But how? How do you move on, knowing that there are parts of you missing? I miss you so much. What I wouldn't give just to hear your beautiful voice. I have to keep telling myself that you are safe now and pain free with the angels and that you are surrounded by the most amazing love. God has you in his loving arms, he knew how precious you are. I love you, Laryssa. This Christmas, may your light be the brightest light to shine. Miss you.

Laryssa, Not a day goes by that you are not thought of. You and your Dad. I miss you both. I love you both.

NIGHTMARE
      I was home. My family was there and I could see my dad walking from the kitchen to the dining room table with his coffee. He smiled at me while taking a sip and continuing to talk to mom and Claudia. Hearing them laugh at whatever he was saying to make them laugh, as I walked to the back of the house to do laundry. I bumped into Stef. We talked and bickered with each other until she left. After I was through folding and packing my laundry, I headed through the kitchen, Dad was cooking. I asked him where mom and Claudia had went. He told me they had taken off but would be back in a bit. I told him I loved him, giving him a hug and a kiss. I could smell the cigarettes and coffee, could feel the warmth in the hug. I blinked and suddenly I was unpacking my things in the house. I was moving in. I was in my sister's room when there was a knock at the door. I said, "Dad, can you get that?" He didn't respond. I opened the door and our sister was standing there, with all her things and animals. Lisa was home. She walked through the door talking about how much she missed us and where everyone was. I told her that they were out and was sure that they would be home soon. We then gave each other a kiss and hug. I could feel her warmth and smell the unique smell of the animals on her, that she loved and cared for so much. I could see her. We chatted for a bit ( stuff I don't remember) even now as I write this down, I'm forgetting. The dream's fading. The dream's fading! I look at her. I told her, I love you! I remember seeing her smile, her big, beautiful smile...... I open my eyes. I woke up.
      I woke up to a house that I shouldn't have. A house that our dad should still be living in. We should still see him, hear his voice, his jokes. Feel his warmth and love for us. But no longer can.
      I woke up to a house that my sister never came home to. That I never got to hear me say, I love you! To hear her say it back.
      I woke up from a dream to a nightmare that never seems to end. Only to hope and hope again to see them in my dreams one more time.
                    We miss you, Dad and Lisa!!!
                    We love you!!!
Love you forever,
                Elliott

I think about all the things you didn't get to finish in this lifetime. I miss you so very much. So many things I would have said and done differently. Just to have a conversation with you one more time....l miss you, I miss you....I miss you.

I love you Lisa.

Today marks the 3rd year that you have been gone. You will never know how much you are so sorely missed. And I can only think that you would be having a field day with this coronavirus issue. You would be giggling and telling me about people freaking out for nothing , like you always did, for every other health issue the government would have. And you would be right. I could always depend on you to keep me from freaking out. I miss your wisdom. I miss your sarcastic humor. I miss your laughter. I miss your beautiful smile. I miss You. Tears flow today as they do everyday. Time will never ease the pain. This is a nightmare that I would not wish on any parent. You will always be with me, no matter what. I love you, I love you so much. And I miss you.

Laryssa, I remember stopping over to visit your mom and you girls would be outside playing on the swing. Running around playing. Your Dad had built you guys a tree house. You would go up and look out the window. You are so VERY MUCH MISSED. I want you to know this. I love you.

Laryssa, I am thinking of you. I find it hard to believe you are not here living your life. For I know you had alot of living to do still. I know you are safe in heaven. You are being LOVED TREMENDOUSLY. I LOVE YOU.

MISSING YOU and LOVING YOU FOREVER.

Lisa, its 2 a.m. I am thinking about you as a kid and going to school everyday. Having to get up so early to catch the bus. You and Stef having to be on it for a long time.You both would get home late and have to turn around and do it all over again. You never missed a day. Being on the Honor roll everytime. That was just the way it was.. I want you to know I miss you and think of you, along with your Dad everyday. I LOVE YOU LISA.

HELLO LARYSSA, I LOVE YOU... VERY,VERY MUCH.

SAYING 'Happy Birthday' doesnt seem right. I love you and I miss you. Your smile, your big brown eyes. Your laughter. Just know Lisa , that you are loved very, very much. I love you.

Today is your birthday, Love. Never could I have imagined the hell of not having you here.Through the tears and sadness, today, I hope that you are celebrating your day in Heaven with a lot of people. Your Dad, your Grandmas and Grandpas, your Aunt Vickie, Uncle Gary and all the animals that surround you, I'm sure. I love and miss you so, so much. You are forever in my thoughts and in my heart.

Halloween, I remember Lisa and her sister Stef were always dressed in costumes that their Mother made for them. Lisa went as a taradactal one time. She loved life. She did t live in front of a mirror. Makeup wasn't her. What was her, was her heart, her compassion , her zest for LIFE. I will FOREVER MISS YOU LARYSSA. ALWAYS, ALWAYS IN MY HEART.

I found this on facebook. Thought of you, Laryssa. I know that you are still with me.
Mum, it's me. I'm still here.
"I know it's hard to believe sometimes or understand in the way I try to show you, but I'm still me. I hear you talk to me several times a day. When you hear nothing back, or you say I don't answer, that doesn't mean I'm not right there next to you, smiling. I smile because I know things you won't know until the day I reach my hands out to you and we're together again in a more familiar way."
"In the meantime, I will keep trying to show you I'm okay and still around. If a friend or relative calls to tell you they got a sign or had a dream of me, please know that I tried to reach you first but the line was busy, or full of pain. When you quieten your mind and learn to clear the clutter, I can get through better."
"Tell my brother to live for me, and do things to make me proud. If they don't want to talk about me, it's just that the pain is too much to bare so they bury it to let everyone in the family grieve in their own way. Try to laugh again and get out of the house. When you can do that, it sends waves of love through my being. Let go of unwanted and useless guilt, anger, and fear. I can't break through those."
"Here's how I let you know I'm not dead, just different:
"I'm the butterfly that dances around you as you walk. I make rainbows even when there isn't any rain. I made the blue dragonfly land on you as you thought of me. The little bird that sat perched outside your kitchen window and then swooped down as you stood on the patio~that was me, mom."
"I keep making my song and you know it's me. I stand beside your bed and brush my hand against your face. I sent a text or phone message after I passed- yup, I'm amazing. I can do things you can't wrap your brain around."
"You saw my face in someone else- it's called transfiguration. I was the young woman who looked at you in the store. The nurse, who waited on you, had my name. A hug from a stranger, yup, that was me."
"Mom, you taught me so much. I didn't get the chance to thank you so I'm doing it now. It's never too late to say I love you. Hug everyone for me and do things that are out of character for you. The best gift you can give me is that you will promise to live for me and I will live through you.....you will see me again one day, but until then, LIVE, LAUGH, and celebrate my memory."
"We are so much more than this physical vehicle that drives us around for awhile. Lift your head up to the skies, mom. I'm there with my arms outstretched as always, waiting to hug you and say, " Hi, Mom. "
" I'm not dead, I'm just different."
I LOVE YOU, LARYSSA. I MISS YOU. AND SOME DAY I WILL SEE YOU AND HUG YOU, AGAIN.

I wish that I could turn back time, knowing what I know now. I still can't believe this nightmare. So many things I want to tell you. I just want to wrap my arms around you and see that beautiful smile of yours. I miss you so much. So very much. I love you, Laryssa.

I miss you, Laryssa, I miss you.

Two years since you have been gone. I still cannot believe it. I talk to you every night and say I am sorry for not taking better care of you. I wish we could switch places. Time does not heal all wounds, the longer you are gone the worse it gets. You were a beautiful soul, you should still be here. It is not right that you aren't. I miss you. I love you. I hope I get to see you again, someway, somehow.

Every minute, every hour of every day, you are missed so much. Two years, Laryssa, two years. This nightmare is never ending. I just want you back , and that's it. And I know that in reality, that is not going to happen. There are days when I can hear your voice, I can hear your laughter, remembering you with your dad. Just remembering you. I miss you. I love you. You are always with me, forever.

The last time I saw Lisa we were at the Sparta Airport when they were giving rides. She wanted her mom to go with her. Her mom didnt want to go. I wanted her to get her ride so I said I would go. Bad mistake for me but a wonderful memory of her. I must have been pretty worse for wear because the guy in the back with me kept asking me if I was going to make it? All I remember is the guy up front asked Lisa if she wanted to fly the plane. Naturally she took over. The guy told her she was a natural. She flew it as if she had done it all her life. ..ya know I can remember her Dad coming from the hospital to my moms just so happy at being a Dad. He told us everything from how many minutes when she was born and everything. He was so extremely happy. I love you Laryssa Marie. You are FOREVER in MY HEART.

Laryssa, this is the second Christmas that you have not been here. I sit here thinking about the past. You always enjoyed Christmas. Always appreciated what you were given, as long as it wasn't Barbie dolls. You preferred dinosaurs, bugs, lizards and anything to do with science. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I wish that I could see you. I wish that somehow I could hear your voice, your laughter. But I know that is not to be. So I'll sit here and wish you a Merry Heavenly Christmas. But know that you are loved and missed, here.

My dear angel in heaven Lisa, I know you are with your dad and uncle Gary. I miss you so much, my heart breaks every time I think of you and the pain will never go away as long as I live. You were always such a loveable angel. I know uncle Gary loved you so much and will give you so many hugs a long with your dad. I love you Laryssa. You are in my heart forever. Good night my precious loved one

Sunday would have been your 35th birthday. I lit a candle for you, like you always did with our babies. I sat on the couch and cried, and Jinx and Arkady laid on my lap. I know they miss their Momma as much as I do. It has been a year and eight and a half months since you left, it still seems like yesterday. Time does not heal all wounds, it only gets worse the longer you are gone. I still cannot comprehend how you are not here anymore. I still have hope that you are with all of our babies at the Rainbow Bridge, that you are pain-free and happy with all of them. I hope you can hear me when I tell you I miss you and I love you. Please watch over Daenerys and Kira, they are with Donna, I just could not take care of them anymore. I know they will be safe with you watching over them.

Today is your birthday. I am at a loss today. I still can not believe that you are gone. And yet, you are not here with me. I miss you so much. I love you , Laryssa. I say it everyday, hoping in some small way, that you can somehow hear it. Happy heavenly birthday. Know that you are forever in my heart.

Laryssa, I love you and I miss you. The world is not right without you here.