Hi son,
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, I miss you so so much, I think of all the memories you El and me have shared, I look at your photos daily, with a heart felt smile and tears in my eyes, my heart is so heavy my love, to the point I feel sick daily. You left us all with sadness but at the same time the happiest memories to last us a life time, I see who have stayed so loyal to you, they are the same faces I see each time I visit you at your resting place, I can never thank them enough for the time they take to be with you even when I find it too hard to visit, my body aches with sorrow and pain Luke, how this ever happened to you I will never understand. I can’t move forward I don’t know how, your not going to be in my future so there for I choose to stay in my past, where you are. I still dry my hair in your bedroom where I’m surrounded by your things and photos of you me and Ellie, the things you wanted to to keep at home when you moved out, i don’t have much but what I do have are so precious to me. I even found it hard to move your wardrobe just to give your bedroom more space, because now it’s not where it use to be, I’m sure I can hear you calling me daft for feeling this way and joking about it, but at the same time your telling me “it’s ok mum” I know to you it’s ok what ever I do, I know how understanding and fair you were about life, you have so much of me in you, I didn’t realise just how much, but it makes me so proud that you were a lot like me, and you really were son. My only wish now is that you stay with your sister always, she needs her Angel with her, your her big little bro, she misses you more than you will ever know, if only I could go back to the day you were born and live the 19 years and 4 months all over again I would in a heart beat. Life is hard now luke, in 20 years or more this feeling won’t have eased, there are days I can laugh and smile, but that pain never goes ever, if I’m enjoying myself it’s there, and your in my mind the whole time. I See you have a large sticker on the old red lion pub sign which makes me smile each time I pass it to come and see you. You are everywhere, and I love that because you just pop up in random places, just like you did when you were here on this earth. You would just show up! I often think about the few times you would phone me to see if I was working and what time I was working, and you would then turn up on your bike to surprise me, I’d usually get 10/15 minutes with you before I’d have to leave, but those minutes made me so happy, every minute I spent with you I’d make the most of you, your my son and I adore you and Ellie, I miss Ellie as much as I miss you, even though I get to speak to her, it’s not the same as having her at home, she’s my girl my everything, just like you are! Your almost 21 Luke, and all I can think about is your 18th, because you were here celebrating, but we will celebrate your 21st how I know you would have loved it, I’m doing my best, it’s not easy I shit you not haha but I’m doing what I think is right by you and El, please come and visit me, please leave me a sign or a noise to let me know your there, the only time I know your with me is when I’m having a pee in the bathroom! The light flickers and i know it’s not the bulb as it’s been too long now for it to be that! I know it’s our energy together. I love and miss you so deeply, one day my darling we will be together again and when that day comes I want you to hold me tight and never let me go because I will never ever ever let you go again, I’m so sorry son that this happened to you, I’m sorry for my Ellie that she has to suffer too, it breaks me so much for the both of you.
Good night sweetheart and remember to come and visit me even in my dreams, I love to see you there. All my love to you my Lukey always and forever loved and missed, your forever loving mum xxx