Dear Mum,
I have to write to you today ,because it is time to leave to go to Australia ,Sydney this time ,too many memories in Perth,although I do love it there and always will .
Firstly ,I must tell you Alex is doing very well ,he is happy ,passed his driving test and he has a little car ,you would be so proud ,although he never got a chance to drive you to your hospital appointments .
I finally have a great job ,I don't know if I will ever fulfill their expectations of me , but they seem to believe I can ,that's funny I think .
Now ,the real question I have ,remains unanswered , where will I find the peace of mind I crave ? What will be my defining moment ? Will it be this job? I am a cancer specialist nurse ,I need to be in that space and energy so that I can feel what you felt and try to understand ,maybe that will bring the peace I crave .You and dad are at St Marys on the tree of life ,except ,you aren't really here ,to laugh,to cry and offer me money in case I need it , but most of all you are not here for me to love or confide in .
I went to St Martins church today ,I went to light two candles for you and dad and ask for your blessings on this journey .I love my family ,it is so hard to leave them,but I have to find out who I am ,if I am no longer a daughter .
My heart yearns to be free of sadness ,in time maybe it will be .The marigolds I planted have grown again ,they will always be yours and my flower,the smell is you in spirit.
Mum,dad please give me your blessings to be the best I can be ,to be happy ,to be successful and to always do the right thing.Give me the grace and humility to be humble and strong ,to value myself and to have self belief .
I have grieved for you for so long and I will carry on doing so for all of my life ,you took my heart and now I am in a quest to fix it . Send me on my way ,watch over me always ,guide me when I am sad and look after my boy in York please.
I am not selfish doing this mum,I am just lost and need to be found .
Try to understand,I know you will you always did .
It's time to board now mum,I love you xxxxx