January 6, 2016
January 6, 2016
Miss you so much.
This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, Mohinder Panaser, 76 years old, born on July 16, 1938, and passed away on July 1, 2015. We will remember her forever.
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December 31, 2015
December 31, 2015
Goodnight 2015,nothing can change the fact that mum will not see in the new year .Her life ended completely on July 1st 2015,it seems wrong to celebrate the end of the year and the beginning of a new one , there is nothing new other than there is one less light in the world , my mum.The platitudes that people give you are meant to comfort you , but really they are just empty words having no impact to bring peace or comfort .Happy new year , indeed it might be , mum said happy new year to me Jan 1st 2015 , not knowing it would be her last .The new year will come and keep coming , people will celebrate , laugh ,drink and be full of joy , not really knowing why , but still it's better than being sad .But , as a family we are sad , because mum is no more and won't ever be again .So to all those who have loved and lost the following is for you :
"Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you "
"Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you "
December 28, 2015
December 28, 2015
Mum died on July 1st at approximately 2.20 pm at Saint Mary's Hospice Birmingham ,her 4 children and their husband and wives were present until the very last tear fell from her eyes.Dont cry for us I thought as the very last breath left her .She always used to say to us when we made her cross ,can't you just let me take my last 2 or 4 breaths in peace , sounds better in Punjabi ! Alas in those last hours of her life we all smiled and cried as we knew that time of the last 2 or 4 breaths had come.Peacefulness is a strange thing ,and whilst she certainly appeared peaceful,she appeared so very sad as she left us .Death is so final ,it would seem .I left quite quickly afterwards with Gary ,pain too much to bear,went home and drank lots of vodka ,listened to Whitney,Mariah,Adele and Tom Jones just to validate and perpetuate the sadness,then caught a taxi too my brothers house and drank some more , nothing takes the pain away .The funeral was nice , simplistic and purposeful.Lillies and roses to mark her final journey , a touch of her forehead and a Sat Sri Kal to send her on her way .
December 27, 2015
December 27, 2015
I know you loved your garden and the flowers you planted, funnily I love marigolds just as much .Simple pleasures brought us so much comfort.It was great just stopping by your house on a Saturday especially in the summer and you would be out in the garden showing us what had grown and what you were making for lunch . There was so much comfort to be found in you doing this .I often remember you watering the garden with your shalwar rolled up and your feet bare , you looked so happy and then if one of us popped by ,it really made your day .There is no where to go for this comfort now , why is it your house and garden still stands and grows but you are no where to be found , how is that possible .Balraj brought you such good garden gifts , the greenhouse was the best .It was very ritualistic to go down the garden every time we came to the house ,to see what had grown .Children are always in a hurry to leave and live life , and you would say ,you are ready to leave before you even arrive ! I wish I has sat longer, stayed longer ,talked more and not always been in such a hurry .Time went and you went with it .We will go back to the UK and cherish family time and ties and not rush the important moments or just moments.Its too hard without you ,I don't think I will ever be able to eat runner beans again ,they remind me of your garden.it wasn't your time yet ,we were cheated and deceived by death ,because we did not see it waiting at the corner for you .I see you in everything I do , the decisions I make .But how do you continue living a life when so much has been lost ?
December 24, 2015
December 24, 2015
Thinking of you from Perth on this the first Christmas morning since you left us. Too hot to wear my T-shaped jumper here today, I promise I would be if in Birmingham! Rest well, God bless.
December 24, 2015
December 24, 2015
Death is nothing at all
I have only stepped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other that we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together
Play,smile,think of me ,pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow on it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well
I have only stepped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other that we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together
Play,smile,think of me ,pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow on it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well
December 24, 2015
December 24, 2015
So many promises of the things we would do and the places we would visit, the only thing left are tears and memories, surely it wasn't time for you to go yet. Miss you mum everyday. Alex is here in Australia with us, you would be so proud. Love you always xxx
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Recent Tributes
July 1, 2023
July 1, 2023
Hello mum,these were your final hours .I woke at this time on July 1st knowing the end was coming .It was very warm on that morning ,not so warm today , but the rain is good for the garden .I see Marigolds at this time of year,the smell reminds me of you .
Time does make the feelings of loss softer ,no amount of time can replace the feelings of wanting to see you just one more time.
Rest in peace mum , free from pain and suffering .
I will love you to the end of days and time .God bless your soul Sat Sri Akal ❤️
Time does make the feelings of loss softer ,no amount of time can replace the feelings of wanting to see you just one more time.
Rest in peace mum , free from pain and suffering .
I will love you to the end of days and time .God bless your soul Sat Sri Akal ❤️
January 14, 2023
January 14, 2023
Thank you keep watching over us please .God bless you both .RIP now ,it is done xxx
July 1, 2022
July 1, 2022
Wish you were here mum ,you left too soon .Rest in peace .Love you always xxx
Gallery
Recent stories
Alex Graduation
July 26, 2018
This one is for you Mum and Dad , you would have been so proud xxx
Roses for my mum
June 29, 2017
Hello mum , it's just me ,remembering the last days of your life .I have been smiling at old Indian ladies who look just like you , they turn and smile back at me ,with a hint of recognition , funny enough they had the same coat as you , mum is it you letting me know you are okay ? The roses are for you , you loved roses as do I , very thorny though , one got me in my finger to remind me of you , not because of the pain of pain , but because of the acute way loss can feel and to remind me ,you are near.
I am a Cancer Nurse Sister mum , I think you would be so pleased , I will do my best to look after my patients and always think of you and dad when giving that care .
This week is hard mum, it's like you were just here , but you are not .Alex is such a big grown up boy , still has no sense though ! He has your photo by his bed .
Mum,it is hard ,it has been hard not having you here , sometimes there is nothing to anchor us , sometimes drifting feels so uncertain ,but I am your daughter and I don't really let anything get the better of me . I wish I could have you back with us well and happy , there was so much life to live yet .God bless you mum .Sat Sri Akal xxx
Mothers Day
March 26, 2017
It is the second Mother's Day since mum died ,and whilst you always think you are better than you were ,certain dates in the calendar still jolt you into remembering,that now there is no mum .Its also quite a funny story ,I always used to say to mum ,what shall I get you for Mother's Day ,and she would say I have everything ,don't need anything , and I would say that's great then I will give a satsuma and a bag of nuts ! She would laugh and say ,don't forget it's your birthday next month !!! Meaning if I wanted a good present ,I had better not give her a satsuma ! This carried on for years ,and now you are gone .I miss you today not because I need a birthday present but because you have left a gap that can't be filled .Everyone needs their mum ,just like I need you .God bless you mum .Happy Mother's Day xxx