When I found out I was pregnant I was esctatic. I was The first time I heard his heartbeat, (and every time after) was music to my ears ! Every time I felt him move and kick was the most incredible feeling I'd ever felt. Seven months into my pregnancy I found out that I was having a baby boy ! I was head over heels in love from the moment I knew he was growing inside my belly. On May 4th 2000, at 2:32p.m. I met my sweet baby boy. Words cannot describe the happiness or the love that I felt at that moment. The love between mother and child is a different love, a love like no other. I never knew love like this existed until they placed him in my arms. I spent nine months loving this tiny being growing inside me, falling more in love each passing day. The moment I finally met him I was overwhelmed with the incredible love, the love between Mother and Child. 

The months we shared together were like a dream. Being his Mommy was the best feeling I'd ever felt. I found out I was expecting Nickocie's brother when Nickocie was only a few months old. I was so excited. Brothers only about a year apart in age. They were destined to be best friends. I never imagined they would never get a chance to meet each other. I never imagined that my hopes and dreams of having two little boys close in age, growing up together as not only brothers but also best friends would be just dreams and images of what could have been. Images of what was supposed to be. I never imagined that my youngest son would grow up only seeing pictures and hearing stories of his big brother. No parent ever imagines losing their baby. In the blink of an eye hopes, dreams and part of your heart can be shattered, gone. 

It has been 17 years since my beautiful baby boy went to heaven. 17 years since he became an angel. Like any parent that loses a child, we're never the same after such a loss. I still miss him and think about him every single day. I still imagine what life would be like if he were here with us. I lay awake at night trying to picture what he would look like now. He would be 18 years old. I still cry and grieve. I always will. I spend hours thinking about all of the things in life he never got to do, experience, things he had yet to see and learn. 

Though the pain of losing a child is unbearable. Though a piece of my heart, a piece of me went with him when he left this life. I believe that he was an angel all along. I know that God had a different plan for him. I tried to imagine a heaven without babies, that wouldn't feel like heaven to me. I know my sweet AngelBaby is watching over me. I know we'll be together again when God is ready to call me home. Though my heart aches for my precious KocieBug, I know he has his halo and wings and is safe in heaven. Here on Earth he learned to crawl but I know up in heaven he learned to fly