Wondering and trying to imagine what you would be like, what your life would be like is so bittersweet. Picturing you as my own mental image of what you would look like, trying to put together my own vision of what you would have grown to be and what you would be like as a grown man. Those kind of things make me smile just thinking of what it would be like if you were her. Until reality sets in and I realize that it's all just visions and dreams in my head. They are dreams that disappear when I open my eyes that can never come true. It is my mind drifting off to a world that doesn't exist, a world with you here with me. A world where you got to become a toddler and learn to walk. A world that I got to send you off to your first day of school. You got to make friends, go to dances, have your first date, graduate high school. A world that will only ever exist in my dreams, in my mind. When the visions start to fade and the real world becomes clear again, when reality sets in... That's when my heart breaks all over again. It breaks not only for what I lost and long for every single day, but for all the things that you never had the chance to do, to experience, to see, to learn. Even though the reality hurts, I will forever wonder and imagine. Because even if only for a moment, in my visions, in my mind, you are with me.
I miss you so much my sweet Angel Baby I love you Nickocie Allan Reed